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Added by Jeff Gerstmann on Nov. 12, 2008

The ESRB has unveiled the latest update to its ratings offering in an effort to keep consumers informed about the games they play. It seems like a great addition that, when used alongside the actual ratings and existing descriptors, could be much more useful to concerned parents. And hey, some of the politicians, like Hillary Clinton and Joe "Night Trap" Lieberman have come out in support of the change.

But it also serves a purpose for people like me, the game loving man-child who still giggles when people talk about poop and butts! Now I can search their database for the most awesome sounding games and ensure that I see the weirdest, most extreme games in the world!

Also, it seems like this will totally replace our entire reviews process. Seriously, when you see these paragraphs full of the "worst" things in games, why would you need to read anything else? OK, fine, in addition to their summary, I'll post my take on the game based on how the summary makes it sound.

Rating summary: Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode 2 is a 'point-and-click' adventure game based on characters from the online comic Penny Arcade. Players battle enemies using a role-playing game style combat system, taking turns using fists and weapons to harm various robots and humans. Several cutscenes depict 'cartoony,' over-the-top instances of violence, including heads being blown off, characters sliced up by lasers, splattering blood and flying body parts. Humor is often based on bodily functions and 'by-products' (e.g., syringe injections full of urine) and sometimes sexuality (e.g., robots humping legs, testicles and taxidermy). The game also contains frequent use of strong profanity (e.g., "f*ck" and "sh*t").
My take: OK, you had me at "syringe injections full of urine," but the concept of a robot humping a set of testicles? They call that going the extra mile. Five stars.

Rating summary: Call of Duty: World at War is a first-person shooter in which players assume the role of Allied soldiers in both the European and Pacific Fronts during World War II. Combat can be intense with extensive use of camera effects (e.g., slow-motion, blurring, and screen shakes) and realistic sound effects to highlight the tense and frenetic nature of each battle. Fighting is fast-paced with players using a large array of military weapons (guns, grenades, and flamethrowers). Collateral damage includes sprays of red blood when enemies are shot; maimed appendages from explosions; and flailing and screaming when enemies are set on fire. Cutscenes and historical footage can contain graphic depictions of prisoner/POW executions. Strong profanity can be heard during gameplay (e.g., "f*ck" and "sh*t").
My take: Maybe this one is a bit unfair since I've already played the game, but "flailing and screaming when enemies are set on fire" sounds pretty good. Sadly, that part doesn't look so hot in the actual game. Also note that just like my review of the game, it doesn't talk about the Nazi Zombie mode you can unlock. I smell conspiracy! Four stars.

Rating summary: Fallout 3 is a action role-playing game set in the barren wasteland of a post-apocalyptic society. Players assume the role of a resident of an underground complex who emerges from a vault to explore a wastleland universe through a series of quests/missions. Mission objectives sometimes involve exploring various caves, sewers, and subway tunnels, while other quests involve combat with human and mutant survivors. Fighting can be frenetic and intense, highlighted by various camera effects (e.g., slow motion, blurring, screen shakes) and depictions of realistic dismemberment with trails of red blood. In one scene, players enter a black-and-white virtual reality simulation in which they use a kitchen knife to kill household members and pets. Characters are sometimes seen consuming fictional drugs (e.g., "Buffout," "Jet," and "Mentats"), while the player can also use – with no visual depiction of consuming/administering – a narcotic called "psycho," which with repeated uses leads to addiction. A screen-blurring effect indicates the state of characters' intoxication and the need to use the narcotic to fend off various side effects. Several of the characters are prostitutes and the details of their sexual activities are mildly insinuated (e.g., "You got the cash I got the time…I take care of men around here."). Strong profanity can also be heard throughout the game (e.g., "f*ck," "a*shole," and "sh*t").
My take: They make the entire game sound like it's about drugs and hookers. Normally that'd be pretty exciting, but post-apocalyptic drugs actually sound really boring. Three stars.

Rating summary: Lips is a karaoke music game in which players sing along with music videos of various styles and genres. Players score points by matching the pitch and duration of notes displayed on the screen. Music videos often depict provocatively dressed women in suggestive dance routines or poses (e.g., women in bikinis crawling on the beach, short shorts with rear close-ups, metallic body paint, and frequent depictions of cleavage). Some song lyrics contain mild language (e.g., "God damn" and "whore") as well as frequent sexual references (e.g., "A chick walks by ya wish ya could sex her"). A custom video depicts an animated battle between two armies of sword-wielding robots. In another music video, a young woman in a school uniform smokes a cigarette in the foreground.
My take: You heard it here first, Young MC's "Bust A Move" is bad for kids. Wait... short shorts with rear close-ups? Five stars!

Rating summary: Little Big Planet is an action adventure game set in a whimsical land filled with puppets and platforming puzzles. Players can create, customize, and guide their character through levels of platforms, enemies and hazards. Hazards include bombs, spiked vehicles, stampeding bulls, and even giant shoes. One ancillary character makes belching noises while talking to the player's character.
My take: Boooooooorrrrrrinnnnnnng! Obviously this is one that gets by with the "Game Experience May Change During Online Play" notice. Two stars, but only because it has bombs and belching.

Head over to esrb.org to join in the fun, but be patient, it looks like their server is having trouble keeping up this morning.


43 Comments

Death_Burnout
on Nov. 12, 2008
Funny!

Yet somewhat annoying.

John
on Nov. 12, 2008
Holy Sh*it! This is awesome.

Kraznor
on Nov. 12, 2008
Wow, so they now have to write a summary paragraph for every game? Will this eventually be featured on the box at some point?

CrazyManAndy
on Nov. 12, 2008
Funny stuff. But when did the G-D word become "mild language"? Where I'm from, it's pretty much on par with the F word as being the two most offensive common curse words. Must be a regional thing.

CMA

HatKing
on Nov. 12, 2008
I love how they sound like just some guy talking about the game.  I half expect them to say "oh yeah and there is this gun in the game...it has a saw on it...if you press 'b' you can cut dudes up".

ahoodedfigure
on Nov. 12, 2008
I wonder if you could make a game that wouldn't give them anything to write about.

"contains intensive, possibly exhausting spelling drills which will have your child chanting the ABC song in his or her sleep"

DrRandle
on Nov. 12, 2008
Awesome post Jeff. In all seriousness, though, I think this is a great step for the ESRB. I'm all for them helping to keep the nasty games out of the hands of kids. Unless, of course, the parents are fully informed and allow them to play said games.

LordAndrew
on Nov. 12, 2008
I love the way the censor "shit" and "fuck". Obviously they don't want parents knowing what kind of language is in those games.

Vinchenzo
on Nov. 12, 2008
"In another music video, a young woman in a school uniform smokes a cigarette in the foreground."

Man, the ESRB sure is observant.

LordAndrew
on Nov. 12, 2008
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is a fighting game in which players engage in one-on-one contests of strength using popular heroes and villains from DC Comics and characters from the Mortal Kombat fighting games. Players kick, punch and block their way to victory, which is achieved when the opponent's life meter is depleted. Players can perform a variety of combos and special moves, some of which result in brief splashes of red blood. After an opponent is beaten twice, players can perform one of several finishing moves called 'fatalities' and 'brutalities.' Fatalities depict a variety of dramatic finishing moves including gunshots, stabbings and neck snaps. Female characters are depicted in revealing clothing with exaggerated breast proportions and movement.
Gunshots? Stabbings? Neck snaps? Revealing clothing and exaggerated breast proportions?
This is the greatest game ever made!

LordAndrew
on Nov. 12, 2008
Wait. A young woman in a school uniform smokes a cigarette? Five stars!

TooWalrus is online
on Nov. 12, 2008
I was hoping they were just going to change the " T " rating into like a 16+ rating. That way, we'd be able to see the Joker shoot dudes in the head in the new Mortal Kombat...
f*ck, a*shole, and sh*t!

RHCPfan24
on Nov. 12, 2008
Looks great.  About time the ESRB went the extra step in its rating and stopped whining.  I love when Jeff noted the absence of the Nazi Zombies in both the ESRB blurb and his review.  Glad you noticed Jeff!

albedos_shadow
on Nov. 12, 2008
I can see this easily being misused by anti-game crusaders. "Fallout 3 involves nothing but hookers and drugs! Even the ESRB says so!"

MackGyver
on Nov. 12, 2008
Oh wow, one more thing to laugh about. I guess this does give more information for the concerned parent. Let's keep in mind that these summaries can also be biased, Meaning people who write these things might focus more on the violence, foul language, and nudity than other things that are in a game. Just like the comment for Fallout 3. Jeff rightfully said that it sounds as if the game is all about hookers and drugs. Expect to see more of that in other games and be mad about it!

Hamst3r
on Nov. 12, 2008
sexuality (e.g., robots humping legs, testicles and taxidermy)

So taxidermy goes under sexuality.  Good to know.

DJDarkViper
on Nov. 12, 2008
gotta admit these are hilarious.

at the same time though, parents could be getting the totally wrong idea about the game entirely.

id appreciate if the ESRB would just grow the hell up and let Devs do what they do. The tight restrictions on what constitutes an AO over an M is still incredibly blurry. Manhunt 2 got censored, but Fallout 3 is MUCH more violent and not? :p

ZmillA
on Nov. 12, 2008
dude put a spoiler warning for the fallout 3 one, that mission would be way cooler if I didnt already know about it :(

Stevokenevo
on Nov. 12, 2008
albedos_shadow
I can see this easily being misused by anti-game crusaders. "Fallout 3 involves nothing but hookers and drugs! Even the ESRB says so!"

Or maybe everyone should note that the esrb were so carried away with drugs and hookers during the rating that that is all they noticed of the game!! 

Driadon
on Nov. 12, 2008
I find it funny that Fallout 3 is about hookers and drugs where as Fable 2 is about group sex and getting drunk. THERE'S HOOKERS IN THAT GAME TOO, YA KNOW!


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