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Bongos

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Area 51 is so bad I need to warn you guys

It's not Deadly premonition wacky funny bad no it's god damn friggan terible bad man. 
 
My dumb bro picked it up from the bargin bin and I said WHY DO YOU THINK IT's IN THE BARGIN BIN??? Needless to say I had to see how terrible it is and what I say was worse than any B movie in existence. 
 
You're some dumb FBI agent guy or some junk and you got called into AREA 51 oh what could go wrong in that dreadful place. You arrive and all hell breaks loose as usual and mutants are running loose. 
 
The shootings mediocre and the enemies are the same THROUGHOUT THE GAME. Christ devs you could of at least TRIED. 
 
Anyways you shoot stuff then OH NO THE ELEVATORS BRAKES DOWN and you fall down deep into these god forsaken rooms they call a base. 
 
The first half is shitty scare tactics bullcrap for example go collect that keycard soldier in that corner. What do you mean there could be monsters OH JESUS THE LIGHTS ARE BLINKING AND MONSTERS ARE POPPING OUT. 
 
My only friend in the game was the shotgun but even then in the first half they try to give you a buddy like any horrible movie but guess what. OH NO I AM INFECTED IM TURNING INTO A MONSTER KILL MEEEE RAR RAR RAR. 
 
Like I said the shotgun was my only friend now oh jesus hold me shotty. 
 
The second half is just same old running and gunning with a gimmick that you can turn into a monster and thats about it. There was one funny part that you're in a studio with the moon lander so that tickled my funny bone and THATS IT. 
 
 Also you attack the aliens homeworld and it is the most hellish freaking place not due to the world itself but how BADLY DESIGNED IT IS WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GIVE ME A HEALTH PACK? Oh damn I'm getting flashbacks to this one boss fight where I had almost no health due to how shitty aliens are. Well anyways theres a psychic aliens that throws mind balls at you and spawn mutant aliens soldiers this is so damn terrible I'm sorry for typing this out. 
 
Needless to say I got repeatedly RAPED LIKE AN APE oh jesus. The only way I got through that was by cheesing the whole fight and how would you ask? 
 
BY CROUCHING IN THE CORNER WITH A PISTOL SHOOTING LIKE CRAZY. The soldiers A.I. is so terrible they rarely can shoot you and the alien just throws balls at a pillar. That experience was so nasty I wanted to pass out but there was MORE. It turns out there are good aliens and bad aliens and there's a civil war going on and IT WAS PROPHESIED YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE. 
 
This is so horrible why can't I put the controller down oh god forgive me lord.  
 
You then go back to earth and fight underneath AREA 51 to the CENTER OF THE EARTH to fight the alien mothership thats going to destroy the earth. 
 
What? excuse me? Could you repeat that? YOU HEARD ME SUCKA GET TO WORK. 
 
You then go jump through some hoops and shoot the powercore and safe the earth and the galaxy. The good aliens then drop your dumb ass off on the highway near the destroyed area 51 and oh my goodness right next to area 51 is a cornfield. What's this OH THE ALIENS WROTE SOME JUNK ON THE CORN OH MAH GAWD I WANNA BELIEVE. 
 
Well after playing this pile of junk I don't believe in JACK SHIT except aliens are ASSHOLES!

The Bouncy ball gun of explosions RULE and is the only good thing about this game. 
 
Stay Cool

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