Whats the difference between peanutbutter and Jam? 
 
 

What's the biggest difference between Norwegians and Cambodians? I don't know, but you have cancer.

My favorite lame jokes tend to come from Giant Bomb's own Jeff Gerstmann. Namely, his retorts to insults.

(from the first PAX live Bombcast panel)

Jeff makes a bad joke

Ryan: This is every day at the office, folks.

Jeff: YOU'RE every day at the office!

For some reason, this stuck with me, and is now my default retort. It's always guaranteed to baffle the recipient.

@Vonocourt said:

Some really bad attempts at anti-humor here, but I guess that's expected.

Wait, I don't get this one.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants come running across the hills?

"Look, there come the elephants running across the hills!"

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants come running across the hills wearing dark sunglasses?

Nothing, he did not recognize them.

• Two skeletons are running after each other. One tell the other : "I'll skin you alive".

I'm sorry for the next ones. I love tasteless joke. I don't know how much is too much. I'm keeping rape jokes for myself, though, I don't know if it's too much for this forum.

• What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?

Ten minutes in the oven.

• A kid ask to his mother : "Mother, could I have a piece of cake".

The mother answers: "Serve yourself, sweetheart".

"But mom! I have no arm!"

"No arm, no dessert!"

Well, I'll stop here.

I thought this was a thread for jokes, not a place to dump your sick shit.

What does Napoleon Bonaparte and Charlie Sheen have in common?

.

.

.

.

Part of their legacy will always remain their involvement in getting canned.

Some really bad attempts at anti-humor here, but I guess that's expected.

The cops came up to my door recently and told me that my dogs were annoying people on bicycles.

I didn't really understand, my dogs don't know how to ride a bike!

What do you call four black men and a casket?

The Jackson 4

What did the narcoleptic say to the bartender?

"I'll have a bud light and a ........" (he fell asleep, ya dummy)

A man is rushed to the hospital with a pen stabbed into his eye, the doctors diagnosis?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Appendicitis

When's a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

What's the worst part of a car full of black guys driving off a cliff?

-

-

-

They were my friends :(

Whats worse than a worm in your apple?

.

.

.

The holocaust.

What's the worst part of a car full of black guys driving off a cliff?

-

-

-

They were my friends :(

You all got jokes, this thread delivers.

Q: What do you have when you have 10,000 Tea Party supporters at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start.
 
Q: What do you have when you have a room full of British girls?
A: Almost a full set of teeth.
 
Meh, they both got an eyeroll from me.

@ShaolinSpade said:

What does a grape and an elephant have in common?

They're both purple except for the elephant.

THAT IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE I HAVE EVER HEARD.

Not even joking.

What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?

Crib death

What's black and screams?
 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

because it saw YOU!

!

YEA

What did Stevie Wonder say when he was asked if he was angry that he was blind?

Well, at least im not black

@CandleJakk said:

How many black youths does it take to start a riot in London?

SPOILER WARNING: Click here to reveal hidden content.

Minus One

Haha, my water is now all over the place. Thanks for that

How many black youths does it take to start a riot in London?
 

A man walked into a bar.

.

.

.

He died after suffering from brain swelling and internal bleeding resulting from said collision

A Croatian and Bosnian walk into a Serbian bar, what does the bartender say?

Get the fuck out!

What's the most common pick-up line in a gay bar? Can I push in your stool?

What did the shark say to the other shark?

Nothing. Sharks can't talk.

When you add milk to cereal, what do you get?

A great big mess because you forgot the bowl.

I wish there was a YouTube video compiling the best of Ryan's sighs. 

@ShaolinSpade said:

There was once a kid that had a really wealthy and influential father. When the kid graduated from junior high, his father said he could have anything he wanted: money, girls, a new tv, anything. The kid said "well dad I want a ping pong ball." "you sure son?" "Yeah, dad." "ok" and he gave his son a ping pong ball. When the kid graduated from high the father said he could have anything: cars, girls, money, drugs, anything at all. The son said "I want a big semi truck full of ping pongs." "You sure about that son?" "Yep." "ok" and he gave his sun a semi truck full of ping pong balls. When the son graduated from college, his father said that he could have any business he wanted: he could own a resort or a restaurant or a nice hotel. He could do anything he wanted at all. The son said "dad, I want to own a factory that manufactures ping pong balls." "Really? You don't want to own a nice restaurant downtown?" "No dad just a factory that makes ping pong balls." "Ok, son, whatever you want" and he gave him his own factory that manufactured ping pong balls. A few years later the son was in a terrible car accident and was rushed to the hospital. He was on his deathbed when his father came in. "I love you, son" the father said through tears. "I love you too, dad" replied the son. "Just tell me one thing before you pass, son." "Anything dad." "What was with all the ping pong balls all through your life? Why did you always turn down magnificent riches and pleasures for ping pong balls?" The son looked into his fathers tear soak face. "Well, dad, it's simple...."

SPOILER WARNING: Click here to reveal hidden content.

And then he died.

I read the whole thing and was thoroughly disappointed :(

You're a lame joke.

There was once a kid that had a really wealthy and influential father. When the kid graduated from junior high, his father said he could have anything he wanted: money, girls, a new tv, anything. The kid said "well dad I want a ping pong ball." "you sure son?" "Yeah, dad." "ok" and he gave his son a ping pong ball. When the kid graduated from high the father said he could have anything: cars, girls, money, drugs, anything at all. The son said "I want a big semi truck full of ping pongs." "You sure about that son?" "Yep." "ok" and he gave his sun a semi truck full of ping pong balls. When the son graduated from college, his father said that he could have any business he wanted: he could own a resort or a restaurant or a nice hotel. He could do anything he wanted at all. The son said "dad, I want to own a factory that manufactures ping pong balls." "Really? You don't want to own a nice restaurant downtown?" "No dad just a factory that makes ping pong balls." "Ok, son, whatever you want" and he gave him his own factory that manufactured ping pong balls. A few years later the son was in a terrible car accident and was rushed to the hospital. He was on his deathbed when his father came in. "I love you, son" the father said through tears. "I love you too, dad" replied the son. "Just tell me one thing before you pass, son." "Anything dad." "What was with all the ping pong balls all through your life? Why did you always turn down magnificent riches and pleasures for ping pong balls?" The son looked into his fathers tear soak face. "Well, dad, it's simple...."

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between K-Y and carpenter's putty?

All their windows fell out.

Whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint

I know, pretty stupid hahaha

A squad of bad-ass US Vietnam soldiers tread in a pond, NOTHING can phase them.

-until they find a turtle, do they get startled and scream like little girls. Why?

THEY DON'T WANT TO GET SHELLED.

Some lions and some cheetahs were playing poker. A lion sees a cheetah looking at his cards. The lion yells "cheetah! cheetah!" The cheetah yells "He's lyin'! He's lyin'!"

>my grandfather died in a concentration camp during WWII

>Mine too! what happened?

>he was put in the gas chamber. Yours?

>he fell off the guard tower :/

When we were young, my sister would always come into my bed during thunderstorms.

I wake up one night during a bad thunderstorm and my hands are on some breasts.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?

I don't cum on an apple before I eat it.

@spilledmilkfactory said:

This one works a lot better when spoken, not written, but here goes..

I saw a peanut walking down the street today. He was assaulted... peanut.

HAHA! Get it??

Oh man, I die everytime I watch that scene of Monty Python.

What's worse than a worm in your apple?

cancer.

got one more.

I found out i had a black guy in my family tree.

Hey baby, did you just fall in a puddle of water

.

.

.

Or are you just happy to see me.

@Zolfe said:

@Tan said:

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender yells "GET OUT!" Argon doesn't react. ~From my english teacher.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrhc8sqwXy1qaw14lo1_250.jpg

YES!

@Tan said:

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender yells "GET OUT!" Argon doesn't react. ~From my english teacher.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrhc8sqwXy1qaw14lo1_250.jpg

how many Blizzard developers it takes to change a broken light-bulb? 
 
 
 
 
 
None. The light-bulb is working as intended. 

>Knock knock

Who's there?

>Joe

Come on in, buddy.

Why did the baby cross the road?

Cause he was stapled to the chicken.

@Tan said:

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender yells "GET OUT!" Argon doesn't react. ~From my english teacher.

That sounds like a chemistry joke.

Here's one from my math teacher back in high school. "Fires start in the bedrooms of an engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician. The engineer wakes up, calculates how much water is needed to put out the fire, and pours 4 times as much on it. The chemist wakes up, calculates how much water is needed, and pours exactly that amount. The mathematician wakes up, calculates how much water is needed, and goes back to sleep."

Get it? Because mathematicians never do anything?

What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite NFL team?

The New York Jets.

What's black and sleeps with my daughter

Nothing, I'm a good father.

I love this thread.