(FIrst verse, same as the second, only it... came first... or something. I dunno, just read.)

They say "a fool and his money are easily parted" and with me being a giant Harmonix whore, I buy pretty much all of the Rock Band DLC that comes out. Because of this, I figured why not use this unhealthy obession with spending fake Microsoft money (here's a sad realization for you, it's not really fake.) on little clicky guitar button songs and give you, the viewer at home, a bit of a heads up on whether or not Joe Average should buy songs for everyone's favorite Rock Out Simulator.

<b>Note</b>: I probably will not personally review the drums side of these songs, as I reeeeeeally suck at drums and rarely get a chance to play them. I wanna get better, I do, but I just... well... have no excuse, really. I will however, give the difficulty tier that Harmonix places the songs in.

This week's DLC is the CrueFest pack, featuring three songs from artists currently on tour with Motley Crue's CrueFest. The pack includes songs from the Crue themselves, Trapt, and Papa Roach. The pack is 240 MS Points ($3.00) or you can buy them separately for 80 MS Points ($1.00) a piece. The good thing about cheap DLC is that no matter how bad it may be, I'll probably still get it.

Also included is the song "Promised Land" from the Rainn Wilson movie "The Rocker." This song is free of charge. Hooray.

First off is <b>"Down at the Whisky"</b> by <b>Motley Crue</b>:

<b>Offical Rock Band Store Rating:</b>
Band: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Guitar: <font color="red">****</font><font color="grey">*****</font>
Drums: <font color="red">*****</font><font color="grey">****</font>
Vocals: <font color="red">*</font><font color="grey">********</font>
Bass: <font color="red">****</font><font color="grey">*****</font>

<b>Vocals</b>: It's a pretty easy song, judging by the fact that it's a tier one song and I gold starred it on my 2nd run. Vince Neil's voice ain't what it used to be, so he's kinda keeping it low key these days. Still fun to sing, though.

<b>Guitar:</b> This is probably the hardest song of the four songs released today, however it's still pretty easy. It's got a few tricky parts here and there, but nothing that's gonna cause you any trouble passing it.

<b>Bass:</b> The Crue's last song in Rock Band, Saints of Los Angeles had a pretty crazy bass track which was really fun to play. This one however, does not. It's your basic "keep the rhythm of the song and don't you dare do anything else" bass tracks. Kinda boring, and not very fun. It's got a couple fast double notes in succession that messed me up a time or two, but I only played it once.

<b>FINAL VERDICT:</b> Unless you really love The Crue's less than stellar return album, then by all means buy it. If not, then I'd stay away from this one. It's fun a couple times, but not much more than that.

Next we have <b>"Who's Going Home With You Tonight"</b> by <b>Trapt</b>. Yes, Trapt. They're still around, I guess.

<b>Official Rock Band Store Rating:</b>
Band: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Guitar: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Drums: <font color="red">*****</font><font color="grey">****</font>
Vocals: <font color="red">**</font><font color="grey">*******</font>
Bass: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>

<b>Vocals:</b> The vocals on this one can be kinda tricky as there's a lot of high notes quickly followed by lower notes in places. It's ok, really. Nothing to write home about.

<b>Guitar:</b> Chord Chord Chord Chordchordchord singlenotesinglenotechordchordchord. Repeat ad nauseum. Pass.

<b>Bass:</b> It follows the guitar mostly, but with a few HOs and POs for good measure.

FINAL VERDICT: All 5 Trapt fans will probably buy this, but you shouldn't.

The final track in the CrueFest Pack is <b>"Time Is Running Out"</b> by <b>Papa Roach</b>. When I first heard that a song called "Time Is Running Out" was coming to Rock Band, I got giddy as the only song I knew with that title was by Muse. Imagine my shock. I checked YouTube for a video or something to make sure that P-Roach, as the kids call them, didn't fuck up and cover Muse. Thankfully, they didn't. Heads were gonna roll, believe you me.

<b>Official Rock Band Store Rating:</b>
Band: <font color="red">**</font><font color="grey">*******</font>
Guitar: <font color="red">*</font><font color="grey">********</font>
Drums: <font color="red">*</font><font color="grey">********</font>
Vocals: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Bass: <font color="red">*</font><font color="grey">********</font>

<b>Vocals:</b> CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES THIS IS... not that kind of song, actually. Papa Roach is no longer a band that hates their dad anymore, so they've mellowed out and gave you a song that you can actually sing. It's not bad, pretty easy to sing.

<b>Guitar:</b> The easiest of the pack, if you can count "123, 123, 1234, 123" you can probably FC this song. Just remember your colors and you'll be ok.

<b>Bass:</b> Bass also follows the guitar pretty much, so you should have no problem with it at all.

<b>FINAL VERDICT:</b> I'm beginning to sense a pattern here. Skip it.

Lastly, we have "Promised Land" by Vesuvius, which is apparently a band from the Rainn Wilson powered motion picture vehicle, "The Rocker." Well as a free promotional tool, it's already done it's job as I hadn't even heard of this movie before the DLC announcement last Friday.

<b>Official Rock Band Store Rating:</b>
Band: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Guitar: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Drums: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>
Vocals: <font color="red">****</font><font color="grey">*****</font>
Bass: <font color="red">***</font><font color="grey">******</font>

<b>Vocals:</b> Feather your hair, put on some spandex with tassels, and rock the eyeliner, as this song is as 80's Cheese as it gets. So cheesy that it's kinda hard to sing. It also helps that I've never heard the song before, so maybe some more listens could help out. That is, if I wanna listen to it some more. I'm all for 80's cheese, but this song is pretty terrible to listen to.

<b>Guitar:</b> It's a really simple song with one exception. Its solo. You're jamming along all good and all when it hits you like a wall of notes. Zig zags from hell, like a tiny section of Green Grass and High Tides coming back to haunt you. It's over fast however, so if you have some Overdrive saved up, you can easily cheese through it.

<b>Bass:</b> Not near as hard as it's guitar counterpart. Just basic bass type stuff. Nothing flashy.

<b>FINAL VERDICT:</b> Well, it's free so you can't go wrong with that. If you had to pay for it, however, this would be a pass in the worst way. I'd definitely say get it, unless you're running out of hard drive space. If that's the case why are you buying DLC anyway? Stop that.

So there you have it for this week. It's a big 'ole <b>PASS</b> on the CrueFest pack and a <b>DOWNLOAD</b> for Promised Land.

Man, I picked a hell of a week to start this, huh? Hopefully next Tuesday's DLC will be better, but with THE WHO 12 PACK OF AWESOME coming out July 15th, next week might as well be an afterthought. Except for me, I guess. DLC obsession is my habit and my curse. Woe is my wallet.

Till next week!