Movie Review: “The Zombie Diaries.”

The back of The Zombie Diaries’ case proclaims that it is “the most realistic zombie movie ever made” and that it’s “better than Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later.” As a huge fan of 28 Days, I looked forward to seeing the Diaries top it. Unfortunately, it is with heavy heart that I must emphatically disagree. Though the film opens nicely with a military squadron clearing a couple of buildings in search of the living dead, things deteriorate from there. The acting, once closely examined, is obviously B-movie caliber and takes away from the experience, especially when an obviously British actor attempts to toss on an American accent and sounds… Well… Like a Brit trying to sound American.

Another disappointment came upon the realization that the Diaries does not follow in the “superhuman threat” vein that 28 Days established. Instead we are given the “classic zombie” treatment: slow, shambling, pasty dead folks that rarely catch their victims, even when one such victim (in the second “diary” of the film) stands perfectly still a mere three or four feet from the zombie, apparently stupefied by its stunning good looks.

 As the film descends further into ridiculousness, survivors walk right up to zombies and plant bullets in their domes. In a scene that comes dangerously close to crossing the line, a survivor compares his experiences in the zombie apocalypse to the Twin Towers, saying that he knew what they must have felt like. Might these actually be the thoughts of a survivor during the apocalypse? It’s possible, even probable. Was it necessary to include them in the film to get the point across? No. We get it. There are dead people walking around. Shit has hit the fan.

I suppose one could say that much of the scare factor of the Diaries was lost on me, probably because I’ve been spoiled on 28 Days and films like it. Even scenes which were clearly meant to inspire dread left me cold, such as an instance of survivors freaking out in a field, frantically picking off the living dead as they mosey (or in some cases stand still) on towards them.

The film really started to come undone in the fourth diary, where the first survivor is actually bitten. His saviors literally shove the assailing zombie to the ground and beat it to death with the butt of a rifle; these were not the supernatural threats that I knew and loved; these were nothing more than cattle, easily culled.

 The “climax” of the Diaries involves the discovery of two sick individuals who have taken the apocalypse as an opportunity to commit heinous crimes with impunity. These include rape, torture and murder; I suppose the pair were meant to embody all of the worst qualities found in a human being. I understand the desire to portray both the good and evil that can come from a crisis situation; however, their behavior is unrealistic if for no other reason than anyone left alive would likely be desperate for help or even the company of other human beings, and thus probably wouldn’t turn on fellow survivors, barring a psychological break. I give “The Zombie Diaries” a disappointed 2 out of 5 stars. Thanks for reading.

-End Boss.

P.S. I tried to include some stills of the movie to give you a sense for what you might be getting into, but Giant Bomb's image insertion process is absolutely heinous, so this will remain a dry, text-only review.