I am slowly moving on with life...

Hi.

I don't expect a lot of people to read this, but I think I need to get the words out of my head so I can get on with my day. If you do read, it, hey, thanks!

About a month ago, I got out of a long term relationship which meant a great deal to me. We were together for quite a long time, and I really thought that it was it. I thought she was the one that I'd spend my life with. We had a lot of incredible times together, and I was very sad to see it end. I didn't handle myself well in the breakup. I can't remember much of it, because my mind kinda blocked it out, but I know I was probably less than good. I think I begged her so stay. But I guess that's neither really here or there at the end of the day.

I've been in a pretty bad place, lately. I lost over a stone in weight when she left, I became incredibly depressed, and I found it hard to sleep. I couldn't make sense of anything that was going on, and everything just (and still kind of is) the same for me. Except it seems much quieter, much more subdued. I've found myself unable to find joy in the things I used to really dig, and it sucks. I have a bit of a dead end job with people I kinda resent, and I still live with my folks. I haven't found myself doing much with life, and it kinda hit me.

But that's not to say I will be like this forever. While I am very aware that I am lonely at the moment, and the world feels as though it could swallow me up, I'm not an idiot. I know I'll get over this. And I've found a few ways in which I think I can improve, and basically move on with life.

For the longest time, I've been unsure as to what I want to do in life. I thought I wanted to be a journalist, but the style I want to do is not only dying, it's an incredibly difficult medium to get into. The other things I've always been passionate about, however, is the English language, and the capacity to help others out. I wanted to be a teacher for a long time, and in many ways, I still really do. I wondered how I could combine these things together, and it kinda hit me a while ago. Everything kind of came together and I realised there's something I want to do more than anything.

So, I'm going to get qualified for TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) and teach overseas. It'll help me travel the world, which is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Now that my Ex is gone, I have nothing to stay around here for anymore. Not to imply that she was holding me back or anything like that, it's just that I don't really see the reason to stay around here anymore. My plan for the next few years is basically going to be:

-Save money at my job, while carrying on with my volunteer work at a primary school, being a classroom assistant.

-Find out the avenues of which I can get my TEFL certification.

-Apply to teach English in South Korea/Thailand/Japan/China/ ETC

-Get on with my life

It might seem like a radical decision, but I think it's something I need to do. If I stay here, I'm a 16 year old stuck in a 23 year olds body. I know if I stay here in this job, I'll hate myself, and resent a life I never went for. I need to force myself to grow up, and I think now is as good a time as any. I need to get over her by learning to accept myself again. Just gotta go one step at a time...

Thanks, if you read this. I won't post it publicly because I doubt people really care. You're all great!

7 Comments
7 Comments
Posted by Fallen189

Hi.

I don't expect a lot of people to read this, but I think I need to get the words out of my head so I can get on with my day. If you do read, it, hey, thanks!

About a month ago, I got out of a long term relationship which meant a great deal to me. We were together for quite a long time, and I really thought that it was it. I thought she was the one that I'd spend my life with. We had a lot of incredible times together, and I was very sad to see it end. I didn't handle myself well in the breakup. I can't remember much of it, because my mind kinda blocked it out, but I know I was probably less than good. I think I begged her so stay. But I guess that's neither really here or there at the end of the day.

I've been in a pretty bad place, lately. I lost over a stone in weight when she left, I became incredibly depressed, and I found it hard to sleep. I couldn't make sense of anything that was going on, and everything just (and still kind of is) the same for me. Except it seems much quieter, much more subdued. I've found myself unable to find joy in the things I used to really dig, and it sucks. I have a bit of a dead end job with people I kinda resent, and I still live with my folks. I haven't found myself doing much with life, and it kinda hit me.

But that's not to say I will be like this forever. While I am very aware that I am lonely at the moment, and the world feels as though it could swallow me up, I'm not an idiot. I know I'll get over this. And I've found a few ways in which I think I can improve, and basically move on with life.

For the longest time, I've been unsure as to what I want to do in life. I thought I wanted to be a journalist, but the style I want to do is not only dying, it's an incredibly difficult medium to get into. The other things I've always been passionate about, however, is the English language, and the capacity to help others out. I wanted to be a teacher for a long time, and in many ways, I still really do. I wondered how I could combine these things together, and it kinda hit me a while ago. Everything kind of came together and I realised there's something I want to do more than anything.

So, I'm going to get qualified for TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) and teach overseas. It'll help me travel the world, which is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Now that my Ex is gone, I have nothing to stay around here for anymore. Not to imply that she was holding me back or anything like that, it's just that I don't really see the reason to stay around here anymore. My plan for the next few years is basically going to be:

-Save money at my job, while carrying on with my volunteer work at a primary school, being a classroom assistant.

-Find out the avenues of which I can get my TEFL certification.

-Apply to teach English in South Korea/Thailand/Japan/China/ ETC

-Get on with my life

It might seem like a radical decision, but I think it's something I need to do. If I stay here, I'm a 16 year old stuck in a 23 year olds body. I know if I stay here in this job, I'll hate myself, and resent a life I never went for. I need to force myself to grow up, and I think now is as good a time as any. I need to get over her by learning to accept myself again. Just gotta go one step at a time...

Thanks, if you read this. I won't post it publicly because I doubt people really care. You're all great!

Posted by SuicidalSnowman

Best thing to do after a break up is work on yourself. Teaching in a foreign country sure fits the bill. Those "why the hell not" decisions are the ones that you will have when you are older, that will always be yours. I wouldn't enjoy my (somewhat boring) life now if I didn't get out and do things for myself when I was younger.

I think I remember you being U.K. based, but when I was graduating college in America a friend of mine did JET which was teaching English in Japan. Also take a look at things like Peace Corps, Americorps, and Teach for America. Although they primarily look for fresh college grads, they also take people who are just looking to do something different.

Posted by Fallen189

@SuicidalSnowman said:

Best thing to do after a break up is work on yourself. Teaching in a foreign country sure fits the bill. Those "why the hell not" decisions are the ones that you will have when you are older, that will always be yours. I wouldn't enjoy my (somewhat boring) life now if I didn't get out and do things for myself when I was younger.

I think I remember you being U.K. based, but when I was graduating college in America a friend of mine did JET which was teaching English in Japan. Also take a look at things like Peace Corps, Americorps, and Teach for America. Although they primarily look for fresh college grads, they also take people who are just looking to do something different.

Yeah that's pretty on the nose. I know that if I stay here at my parents house, doing my shitty job, I'll just want to kill myself by the time I'm 30. Now that my ex left me, I have nothing really keeping me around these parts anymore. Family, maybe, but I know they'd want me to do what I want in life. It's probably one of those "Quarter life crisis" moments where (as stupidly cliche as it might) I just kinda need to figure out who I am.

When we were together, everything was great and I felt like my life was on track because she was in it. Now that she's gone, I need to just kinda find out what I want in life. Immersing myself in an entirely new culture will make me grow up fast, and make me hit the ground running in life

Posted by SuicidalSnowman

@Fallen189: Yeah, I hear you. My only caution is that sometimes I think people confuse "moving on with their lives" with "taking some extreme action because I don't have any other coping skills." Keep in mind that you cannot always pack up and move countries when a relationship ends (be it romantic, a death, a job, etc), and also that what you are trying to work on is yourself, which can be done whereever you are.

Not saying that I don't think moving is a great idea, because I think it is, and you should do it.

Either way PM if you want to talk more about it, its not really GB's business.

Posted by Claude

I wish you the best in your future Fallen. I couldn't imagine trying to make such hard decisions. I've played my life as it has come. It hasn't been the best it could be, but again, I made those decisions and here I am.

Posted by Fallen189

@Claude said:

I wish you the best in your future Fallen. I couldn't imagine trying to make such hard decisions. I've played my life as it has come. It hasn't been the best it could be, but again, I made those decisions and here I am.

At the moment, I can't imagine having to make them either. But I know I kinda have to do something to make my life move on. When I was in that relationship, everything felt alright because I knew I had someone to fall back on and help me through the hard times. Now that she's left, I don't really have much to stick around here for anymore, and I wanna actually live life, and not become one of these people that's been stuck at my workplace for 15 years and will resent not living their lives.

Posted by TaliciaDragonsong

I just wanted to say I read this, stay strong, no matter what comes!