While I had been forewarned by awful reviews of Transformers 2, thereby having no one to blame but myself for attending, nothing could have prepared me for the absolute horror that I witnessed.  This movie wasn't just "bad", bad I could deal with.  This movie was the zenith of stupid; an accidental satire of all of the worst that America has to offer.

There wasn't a moment without a Chevy or Mountain Dew logo slapping you across the face, begging for you to associate cool robots with a flagging, failing automotive industry.  The robots themselves, still a mess of incomprehensible, unreadable noise, had nothing to say or any real character; they just blew shit up.   Despite it's 145 minute runtime there is no character development, no reason to care for or about anything on the screen. 

The plot seems like it was written by a hundred people, each in charge of one page, only being allowed to see the last line of the previous page.  There are leaps in logic in this movie that a lobotomized chicken wouldn't make (Teleportation? Really?).  Said chicken would realize that hot-robot-chick-planted-to-kill-guy-well-in-advance-of-knowledge-they-couldn't-have-possibly-had makes no sense.  This is TRANSFORMERS, not fucking TERMINATOR!   I may be being nitpicky with this instance but,  If so, then this movie is a field of nits (nites?), scrabbling and clawing their way into my brain.  Nothing in the plot goes together, though to be expected it is Michael Bay, explosions and jingoist claptrap are to be expected.

The two best best things about this movie.  No Jon Voight, and I paid matinee pricing.

Even if you're curious about how bad this movie is, stay the hell away and just take everyone elses word for it.