It used to be that when I was in my earlier teens at school, I'd work damned hard. At the age of 16, we sit GCSE's here in the UK, they determine whether you get into college or sixth-form. They're not terribly important but, if you're going straight into employment after them then you're going to need a few good grades or whatnot - just to show you at least demonstrate basic skills. Anyway -- at that time of my life I worked really hard. I loved school, I loved achieving things and I knew exactly what I wanted in life. In terms of work ethic -- I wasn't a geek studying all the time but I got the job done and got good grades.

Moving into sixth form, my work ethic went down the pan. Two years of sitting doing nothing, never doing any work, and managing to pull good grades out of my ass without really trying for them. I'll never know how I got good grades in sixth form, but crisis averted -- I got into university.

And it's now that my lack of work ethic from those years is hurting me the most. I sit here typing this with a massive amount of programming to be handed in next month. I know I should be doing it, but whenever I hit a wall I don't have the patience for it. I don't have the patience for anything. I'm 20 years old, and I have absolutely no passion for anything anymore. I like playing games -- that's a cool hobby. I like listening to music -- that's a cool hobby. Other than that, I sit, vegetate, am unable to retain information and I'm generally unattached from everything. Why do I want to sit here and answer 58 questions of bollocks? I'm meant to be "learning" -- then why do I feel so left in the dark, unable to garner enough information to complete the tasks to an adequate level. I'm questioning myself -- is it because I didn't take the information in first-time it was told to me? And the answer is probably yes.

But the point is this. I sit here knowing how lucky I am, a degree a few years down the line, and yet, even then, even when I know I can't get a job in the real-world, EVEN THEN, I have no desire AT ALL to do even the minute amount of work that's been issued to me to get a bare minimum pass.

Growing up has been unkind to me, and I'm one of the "well off" ones. I pray for energy all the time, but I just get more tired.