Monster Hunter Cry

     So, I was watching the "Monster Hunter Tri" quick-look yesterday and was struck by something. The monster that Jeff was hunting was accompanied by two miniature copies of itself. Just clones? Miniature partners in crime? Monster interns? Or something else. . . it's children?  
      
      It's one thing to kill a giant, ravenous, man-eater of a  monster; but it's another thing entirely to murder a parent of two that's minding it's own business and just trying to support it's kids! No wonder Capcom's having so much trouble getting us to play this thing, they're hating on single parents! And the last time I checked, America's chock-full of single parents. I've got one myself.
   
     I imagine the story of the game unfolding  from a different perspective: 
      
     Imagine a  purplish, leathery beast, it's in bed with it's spouse.  *BUZZ-BUZZ!*  It blearily reaches a talon over and clicks the snooze button for the 5th and final time of the morning.    
      
      "I can't  be late for work again, my boss'll kill me" it thinks to itself.  It stalks to the bathroom, brushes its fangs, splashes cold water on it's frightening muzzle and stares at itself in the mirror for a little too long. It sighs and then quietly says to itself 
      
      "Come on, you can do this. Think of the kids"   We then see the creature hurriedly stalking out of the front door of it's modest abode. It growls goodbye to it's mate and hatchlings. It clutches a travel-mug of coffee in one claw and a neck tie in the other, a fedora sits haphazardly on it's armor-plated skull as it rushes to make it to the curb where it's car-pool mates have been waiting for ten minutes already.  
       
     Cut to the hapless brute being carved into pieces by some asshole human who's weapon and garb are made up of pieces of the beast's own best friend and cubicle-mate, Bob! Cut to ribbons! By his own friend's pincers!   
 
     Now there's a single parent monster terrorizing the countryside with two pups in tow because it was unable to keep up on the variable-rate mortgage on it's home since it's mate disappeared and it and the kids were evicted.  
 
     Capcom wants me to take out this poor beast? No thank you, please.  The cycle must be broken. It has to start somewhere and it starts with me. 
Besides, Capcom already has us Westerners hooded on killing giant critters. It's called Lost Planet.

17 Comments
18 Comments
Posted by IanYarborough

     So, I was watching the "Monster Hunter Tri" quick-look yesterday and was struck by something. The monster that Jeff was hunting was accompanied by two miniature copies of itself. Just clones? Miniature partners in crime? Monster interns? Or something else. . . it's children?  
      
      It's one thing to kill a giant, ravenous, man-eater of a  monster; but it's another thing entirely to murder a parent of two that's minding it's own business and just trying to support it's kids! No wonder Capcom's having so much trouble getting us to play this thing, they're hating on single parents! And the last time I checked, America's chock-full of single parents. I've got one myself.
   
     I imagine the story of the game unfolding  from a different perspective: 
      
     Imagine a  purplish, leathery beast, it's in bed with it's spouse.  *BUZZ-BUZZ!*  It blearily reaches a talon over and clicks the snooze button for the 5th and final time of the morning.    
      
      "I can't  be late for work again, my boss'll kill me" it thinks to itself.  It stalks to the bathroom, brushes its fangs, splashes cold water on it's frightening muzzle and stares at itself in the mirror for a little too long. It sighs and then quietly says to itself 
      
      "Come on, you can do this. Think of the kids"   We then see the creature hurriedly stalking out of the front door of it's modest abode. It growls goodbye to it's mate and hatchlings. It clutches a travel-mug of coffee in one claw and a neck tie in the other, a fedora sits haphazardly on it's armor-plated skull as it rushes to make it to the curb where it's car-pool mates have been waiting for ten minutes already.  
       
     Cut to the hapless brute being carved into pieces by some asshole human who's weapon and garb are made up of pieces of the beast's own best friend and cubicle-mate, Bob! Cut to ribbons! By his own friend's pincers!   
 
     Now there's a single parent monster terrorizing the countryside with two pups in tow because it was unable to keep up on the variable-rate mortgage on it's home since it's mate disappeared and it and the kids were evicted.  
 
     Capcom wants me to take out this poor beast? No thank you, please.  The cycle must be broken. It has to start somewhere and it starts with me. 
Besides, Capcom already has us Westerners hooded on killing giant critters. It's called Lost Planet.

Posted by Sanryd
@Falloutsunset said:
" Cut to the hapless brute being carved into pieces by some asshole human who's weapon and garb are made up of pieces of the beast's own best friend and cubicle-mate, Bob! "

L M A O I'm reeeaaally tired right now, but that was just fucking great. Bravo!
Posted by Bigandtasty

Yes, the "monster has a family" angle could lead us all down an...interesting path.

Posted by ryanwho

Why else did you think Japan loved it so much? They can't go out and poach entire whale families like the ol' days.

Posted by Zombieheadbutt

Heh, we should band together and create the Monster Hunter Tri version of PETA.

Posted by Bigandtasty
@ryanwho said:
" Why else did you think Japan loved it so much? They can't go out and poach entire whale families like the ol' days. "
So that's why Capcom included underwater combat!
 
Final boss confirmed: Demonic blue whale!
Posted by Arkkazeal

I often find myself sad when carving up entire families of harmless beasts just to get a bite to eat. Until you cook it up and yell out TASTY!! Mmm that dinoburger was well worth it.

Posted by Mistzero

kudos on the family angle lol

Posted by Mmmslash

I lol'd heartily. You're my hero.

Posted by Rallier
@Falloutsunset: 
 

 eh?
Posted by skunk
@Falloutsunset:  i was thinking something similar yesterday but not this in-depth lol. I also feel bad smashing Kelbi to a pulp with the GS.
Posted by ChristianCastillo
@Rallier said:
" @Falloutsunset: 
 

 eh?
"
Bob?!
Posted by CaptainFish

What about a game where you get to kill the lazy monster husband? Capcom should either make that or a spinoff: Monster Carpooler.

Posted by sixghost

Can't wait for Monster Hunter Hunter coming 2011.

Posted by MikkaQ

Hahahah good stuff. And this is why I don't play Mon- wait, no. I like eating animals. Oh well guess I just plain don't like MH games. 

Posted by animateria

Haha, how do you play any game that requires you to kill something with this mentality though.
 
Many soldiers and guards you kill in games might have families. That minion you beat to death in Final Fight might have a kid.
 
That leathery demon you think is mean might just be doing it so the boss doesn't kill him himself.

Posted by IanYarborough
@ChristianCastillo: Brilliant.
Posted by Genjai
@Rallier said:
" @Falloutsunset: 
 

 eh?
"
O.o