By IanYarborough 17 Comments
So, I was watching the "Monster Hunter Tri" quick-look yesterday and was struck by something. The monster that Jeff was hunting was accompanied by two miniature copies of itself. Just clones? Miniature partners in crime? Monster interns? Or something else. . . it's children?
It's one thing to kill a giant, ravenous, man-eater of a monster; but it's another thing entirely to murder a parent of two that's minding it's own business and just trying to support it's kids! No wonder Capcom's having so much trouble getting us to play this thing, they're hating on single parents! And the last time I checked, America's chock-full of single parents. I've got one myself.
I imagine the story of the game unfolding from a different perspective:
Imagine a purplish, leathery beast, it's in bed with it's spouse. *BUZZ-BUZZ!* It blearily reaches a talon over and clicks the snooze button for the 5th and final time of the morning.
"I can't be late for work again, my boss'll kill me" it thinks to itself. It stalks to the bathroom, brushes its fangs, splashes cold water on it's frightening muzzle and stares at itself in the mirror for a little too long. It sighs and then quietly says to itself
"Come on, you can do this. Think of the kids" We then see the creature hurriedly stalking out of the front door of it's modest abode. It growls goodbye to it's mate and hatchlings. It clutches a travel-mug of coffee in one claw and a neck tie in the other, a fedora sits haphazardly on it's armor-plated skull as it rushes to make it to the curb where it's car-pool mates have been waiting for ten minutes already.
Cut to the hapless brute being carved into pieces by some asshole human who's weapon and garb are made up of pieces of the beast's own best friend and cubicle-mate, Bob! Cut to ribbons! By his own friend's pincers!
Now there's a single parent monster terrorizing the countryside with two pups in tow because it was unable to keep up on the variable-rate mortgage on it's home since it's mate disappeared and it and the kids were evicted.
Capcom wants me to take out this poor beast? No thank you, please. The cycle must be broken. It has to start somewhere and it starts with me.
Besides, Capcom already has us Westerners hooded on killing giant critters. It's called Lost Planet.