I'm Liking the New Quests

The quests are a great addition to the site because they are getting the community to use the features. I'm having so much trouble writing because I'm a little... er... non-sober. By the way, I totally didn't do this to get the points!

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Dedicated to Keith David (Underrated Bad Asses)

So tough guy, do you know who Keith David is? No? Well you deserve a big 'fuck you' because you don't even know about one of the biggest bad asses ever!


Does that sexy portrait ring a bell? No? Well a big 'fuck you' again because that is that is the face of the man that has had sex with you're Mother, you're Sister, you're Grandma, and even you're Dad! You want to know what else this bad ass moth- HEY! Stop staring at Keith David and fantasizing about him having passionate sex with you. It's rude to think about I'm talking to you. Anyways, you want to see some movies 'Pimp Daddy Keith' has been in? Check this shit out:
  • ATL
  • Superhero Movie
  • Marked for Death
  • Transporter 2
  • Crash
  • Agent Cody Banks

Not only has this man had sex with your family but he's been in movies with T.I., Drake Bell, Don Cheadle, Frankie FUCKING Muniz, Jason Statham, and Steven Seagal. That's right, this man has kicked ass with Steven Seagal and you want to know who's ass he was kicking? He was kicking the ass of VOODOO JAMAICAN DRUG DEALER! Don't believe me? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100114/plotsummary

But wait! Not only has the black 'Rico Suave' been in kick ass movies, he's been in kick ass video games. Check this shit out:
  • Saints Row and Saints Row 2 (He lead those fake ass gangsters to victory)
  • Halo 2 and Halo 3 (He played the Arbiter who was called an "Elite." That still doesn't even come close to explaining his bad assness)
  • Mass Effect (Call him Captain David Anderson, bitches. He had a threesome with Ashley and the Blue Chick way before 'wannabe player' Shepard came along and tried to have sex with one of them.)

This man has been a thug AND he's been to outer space. Did Robert DeNiro ever go to space? No, he was too busy driving a fucking Taxi. Did Al Pacino ever go to space? No, he was too busy buying pastel suits and snorting cocaine. That's why he's a bad ass.

You've seen the face, now do you want to hear that voice that 'Doctor Love' used to seduce your family along with Ashley and the Blue Chick?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vf9X8EtqZA
Put that voice with that face and you have one bad ass motherfucker.

So let's recap; the man's name is Keith David, he sounds like an even sexier Barry White, he's a sexy motherfucker, he's had sex with your whole family, he's kicked Jamaican ass with Steven Seagal, he's lead a gang, he's been to space, and he's had sex with a human and an alien at the same time.

So I think that pretty much covers the general aspect as to why Keith David is a bad ass. If I went into detail, this page would be like fif- wait what? Holy shit! Holy hot-dog-humping-yellow-fever-monkey-fucking shit! THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAN SING JAZZ!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6KwLQGi9MY

Keith David, I salute you for being the baddest motherfucker that has ever walked the Earth.
14 Comments

I Realized Something About GiantBomb's Clothing

The other night, I sent an e-mail to GiantBomb and asked why I still haven't received the t-shirt that I ordered. Mike Tatum, the business dude for Whisky Media, responded within an hour (I guess they're on top of things) and he told that my shirt was shipped on the 22nd of December but has been held in Canadian Customs ever since. He also mentioned that the situation I'm in has appeared the most frequently in Canada and this got me thinking. I thought to myself "Why would customs hold my shirt for over 15 days? I understand holding it for a couple of days or so but they must think somethings wrong with it. What do they think it is? Drugs? Money? Computer Programs? Weapons? Prostitu- wait... weapons!"

Here's why I think they have my shirt. Are you ready? The answer should be pretty obvious by now but here it goes. I'm being shipped a shirt from a company, in the US mind you, named GiantBomb. I'm receiving a package from a different territory that has the word GiantBomb on it and it's adressed to me. Lots of other people in Canada are receiving a package with the name GiantBomb on it so maybe this could possibly be interpreted as a possible attack and... I'm linked to it. I'M GOING GO TO JAIL AND BE KNAWED ALIVE BY BEAVERS AND BLACK BEARS!!! And yeah that's what I figured out so if I'm not active on the site for awhile, I either ran away or I was taken to some prison in the backwoods of Canada.

By the way, I don't actually think that I'll be taken to a prison run by beavers, bears, and mounties but I do think that the name certainly has something to do with it.

I really suck a writing blogs, don't I?

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GiantBomb: A Love Story

GiantBomb is an amazing site! It's run by amazing people and it's moderated by amazing people. I love GiantBomb. When I first laid my eyes on the site post-launch, I creamed my pants. Thank you.

1 Comments