Is it paranoia if they really are out to get you?
By masterherocard 2 Comments
Nobody on the internet knows my true identity. This is because I am particularly secretive, so much as nobody cares enough about me to look into it. That's why I was somewhat shocked when a random person called me Masterherocard in person. (he even said "I know you from the internet!" )
I turned to him, slowly as to increase dramatic tension. It would have worked had I not been knee deep in a kiddy pool and dressed as a mime (There was a logical reason for that, it merely escapes me for the moment). "Do I know you?" I pantomimed.
"Er, not really that much, no."
"Then," I got out of the water and walked slowly over to him. Once again, it would be more dramatic if not for the introduction of my squeaky shoes."How do you know me?"
"Er, Uh," He was starting to panic. That was good. It usually takes longer "Th-the hat?"
Oh right, I had forgotten about that. I was testing my new "MMO Name hat", a brilliant invention which, in an attempt to help WoW shut-ins reintergrate themselves into society showed their account name and their guild above their head, just like in game. Though I had never played WoW, it did show my main internet name (masterherocard) and the name of the guild I was a member of (the manly flower picking guild of
America
.) .
Manly Flower Picking Guild Of America: We kill terrorists and pick chrysanthemums."I get it now. Why are you talking to me?"
"Oh, uh, no reason. I wasn't spying on you-not that I would, but i just wanted to make sure you knew, right?"
His answer was confusing, strange, and was truthfully a painfully idiotic answer. However, strange, idiotic and painful are the words most people use around me. "Ok, that makes sense, but where do you know me from?"
"Oh, I follow you on giant bomb"
There it was. That was his mistake. Nobody who wasn't secretly spying on me would follow me on a website about videogames (and anyone who says otherwise is a liar liar whose pants may spontaneously combust. FROM THEIR LYING.). "Oh, right, ok." I put my arm around his shoulder, then picked him up and tossed him into a tree. This clearly shook him up a bit, as it took a full ten seconds for him to realize what happened. By then, I was walking away near-dramatically into the sunset.
"My cover was perfect, how did you know?!" He shouted at me, while trying to get down from the tree.
I turned, and mimed out "You were fine, till you started... Barking up the wrong tree" I accentuated this with the universal sign of the one liner (Reach into pocket, pull out sunglasses, and put them on).
I waited for a few minutes, but nobody shouted "Yeah". I left dejectedly.
There was a moral to this story, but it escapes me at this moment.