One of my gaming weaknesses is Pokemon - I know the games aren't really GOOD(the story quality in DPt is starting to match what would have been good ten years ago, which is admittedly leagues(har de har) better than the nonexistant plot of RBY): they're all basically the same thing over and over again with a few more widgets, a new map, and shinier graphics; 75% of the gametime in a fully beaten game comes from catching every damn Pokemon and fighting against the cheating AI of the Battle Frontier(/Tower if you're not playing Emerald or Platinum), assuming that you're not one of those terrifying individuals who calls themselves a "competitive battler"(who will throw away a perfectly good Pokemon because its speed IV is a mere 23 instead of the far superior 25 or 26 they set as a bare minimum) in which case obsessively breeding Pokemon and EV training them will add on a good 100+ hours of playtime(I'm serious, I've seen a guy brag that he spent enough total time on Sapphire, Emerald, and Diamond that he spent a solid 30 days of his life "playing" those three Pokemon games. Of course, he put it as 720 hours or whatever(divided between each game), but jesus CHRIST.); etc.


And despite all their flaws...I still like them. They're nice games to play when I want something easy without playing a non-game like Animal Crossing or The Sims. There's enough variety in the Pokemon now that you can set up a variety of challenges for yourself without dooming yourself to failure(unlike RBY, where Pokemon were lucky if they got ANY decent moves in their levelupset, let alone any STAB moves, and the TM selection was hilariously awful).

The games are still ridiculous, though. I guess that happens when you craft an RPG for the younger crowd. But just how ridiculous are they?
Out of boredom, I typed out whatever came to mind as I played Platinum a few days ago.  I start off right before busting into the TG hideout after seeing the commanders at each lake. Stop reading if you're afraid of spoilers I guess. Or if you're not in the mood for what's essentially a raw, unedited look at what my brain comes up with at the drop of a hat.

The team:
Surt the Infernape(using him is basically pressing the "win" button), Forneus the Gyarados(slightly less death than Surt, but still strong), Chi You the Rampardos(would be more doom than Surt if not for how slow he is), Uriel the Togekiss(token special attack user), Daisoujou the Probopass(he is the best.), Hariti the Frosslass(the new girl in town). I'm not entirely sure how my team wound up so full of murder, but I'm not complaining.


-Matching the last digit in the lotto now gets you an ultra ball instead of a stupid background. Sweet!
-Looker: Sneak into the hideout of the team galactic? Me:No. Looker:Oh, okay. *stands around doing nothing*
-Time to bust into the TG hideout!
-Cyrus is making a speech at the Veilstone building? Hrm.
-Hariti is having surprisingly good luck freezing stuff with Ice Fang
-Hey, there's a book near the TV room that tells you what the Statue Plate(s) said, and it conveniently highlights the text that was missing from the engravings in Diamond/Pearl.
-Oh god look at all those grunts. And Looker!
-Cyrus is making a speech!
-He says a lot of shit that boils down to "the world sucks, I hate it, empty generalities said to make you guys feel awesome, let's go already"
-Time to fight the crazy fucker. He magically knows that I heard his speech, but HE WAS LYING OH MY GOD. He just wants the world for himself alone, not all of TG. After all, it can't be a complete and perfect world unless it only has Cyrus in it. He also notes that the grunts are useless. Have to agree with him on that one.
-And I win, even though Cyrus is a lot stronger this time around. And he still gives me the Master Ball for no goddamn reason.
-Charon is pretty creepy without being Cyrus Crazy.
-Surt gets kicked out for the Mt.Coronet HM slave because, well, Surt makes battles TOO easy.
-Looker pops up and gives me the black flute. Awesome...or it would be if I didn't have 100 super repels and 90 max repels. Fuck random encounters.
-One of the grunts seems to have caught on to Cyrus' real plan
-Time to fight Jupiter and Mars...but Gabriel has to meddle. Come on dude, I can win by myself.
-And now it's time for DPt to remind us all of how cool it is when Pokemon games actually have a plotline(not that previous generations had weak/nonexistant plots, nosireebob)
-Something's aaaangry.
-Great job Cyrus, you brought out Yog-Soggoth. May the people I like be the first to die, and be spared the insanity and torment of the world to come.
-The great and terrible elder god drags Cyrus into its nether dimension. Oh dear.
-I decline Cynthia's invitation to the Distortion World. Minato goes home, the day is unsaved, and everyone dies.
-Even after going to the Distortion World, you can go through the portal and back to Spear Pillar. That's nice, I guess?
-The Distortion World is trippy as fuck
-Cyrus blathers on about genes.
-Giratina wants to test visitors to the Distortion World? What are you on, Cynthia?
-Mmm, boulder puzzles. The Pokemon games NEVER have enough of those!
-Yes Azelf, I think I get the puzzle by now.
-Tralala I am hopelessly lost tralala
-Ooooh, I just had to TALK TO CYNTHIA to summon that new platform. Pfft, silly games requiring fake human interaction.
-I wasn't trying too hard against Cyrus(I was kinda curious what happened if you lost in the Distortion World...), so I almost lost. Then Forneus's Ice Fang froze Honchkrow solid, I decided that the game WANTED me to win, and I just item spammed my way to victory...or I was going to, but a critical hit Cross Poison from Crobat KOed me. Thankfully I saved before Cyrus, since I'd apparently have to trek all the way back to the last "floor" of the Distortion World otherwise.
-In the rematch, Forneus and Daisoujou turned out to be tremendously useful!
-Cyrus thinks that the Distortion World and Giratina are the same thing? Yeah right. He then shoves the job of <s>stopping Giratina</s> destroying the Distortion World onto me.
-Defeating Giratina makes Cyrus complain that he can't make his new world even if he makes new Red Chains.
-Giratina is a bitch to catch but at least its fight has AWESOME music.
-Catch attempt one:Giratina suicided with Struggle
-My Journal is filled with Distortion World. I used Surf there! And strength! And surf! And strength! And met Distortion World's Cyrus!
-Catch attempt two:Grrrr.
-Attempt 3:Forneus' bite did just a liiiitle too much damage
-Attempt 4:FINALLY CAUGHT. And it shall be named Nyx, because it's a bitch that takes too long to finish the "fight" with.
-Cyrus says the same stuff as he did when I just knocked out Giratina, except he says that the shadowy Pokemon was caught instead of defeated.
-Cynthia gives a cheesy speech about how ~Pokemon Unite Us All ^_^~, but Cyrus SILENCE!es her up.
-Cyrus admits that he has emotions(including, but not limited to:Rage, hatred, and frustration)
-Cyrus still refuses to give up on his perfect world. The man is determined, I'll give him that.
MEANWHILE, BACK IN A DIMENSION NOT FULL OF THE MADNESS OF A BEING THAT WAS AROUND IN A TIME BEFORE TIME:
-Mesprit caught with Master Ball, Azelf caught with much bitching. Uxie will be caught later because that would involve going to *shudder* SNOWPOINT.


In conclusion, Pokemon games are weird and I have no excuse for still playing them.