Well, the bomb has gone off, and it was glorious. So, I'm laying here in the rubble (spooning with a sensually shaped chunk of concrete), and i figure now is as good a time as any to bust the God out of my Giant Bomb blog cherry. It'll be painful at first, but im sure I'll grow to crave it.

Considering that few people (or hyper-intelligent robots) will ever see this post, I'll now reveal some mysterious truths about the world:

-China is actually made from the sharpest cheddar ever tasted.
-Dogs can see more colors than humans, they're just too humble to admit to it. We could all learn something from them
-The red ring of death was no accident. Microsoft originally called it the Red Ring of Destiny, as it would open a portal where candy grew from the ground, and pixies would grant your every wish. Microsoft scrapped the project after it was found out that these pixies were entirely too flatulent.
-Time is actually moving backwards. Yup, wrap you head around that one, bro.

There you have it. Consider your mind sufficiently exproded.