If there was an equivalent to tapping my pen on the page trying to decide what to write for blogs, I did it. Maybe staring at the cursor flashing, giving me nothing. Nothing but tears when I think, anyway.

I had been following Ryan Davis for a long time. Along with Jeff, Brad, Alex, Carrie and Vinny from the GameSpot days. Little did I know they would have such a profound influence on my life. Back then, they were part of something bigger. They were wrapped up in a bigger company, but it was those few that I related to the most. After they separated from GameSpot, I followed them to their new project: Giant Bomb. From the moment they shot that first video, detailing what Giant Bomb was (A website, about Video Games), I knew something special was happening. Even now, I feel like I'm rambling. Honestly I`m terrified to write much more.

I never got to meet Ryan. I hoped one day I would make it to PAX or show up to the office one day, or maybe scream at him on the street with any luck. I wanted to shake his hand. Thank him for what he has done for me and the internet at large. He was always in a good mood. He made me laugh countless times. He and Jeff were Batman and Superman. They loved each other like brothers. I have a friendship like that, and it kills me to think what Jeff might be going through. I know I would be going through hell. I still wonder if this is a joke. If this was all just an elaborate joke, and tomorrow he comes out from behind the two-way mirror and yells "Gotcha!", I'd be more than happy to see him again. Please let that be the case.

As sad as I may be, Ryan had a lot of close friends and recently a Wife. It tears me up inside thinking about what he left behind. Everyone is devastated. Even the people he had never met. The more I think about it, the more I think about the people he worked with and the people he loved. This is not the best time for them. I feel selfish for even feeling upset, but this is a time for mourning. We lost one of the coolest people on the planet.

I don't know what else to say. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I'm sad. I want to make everything better, but I don't have that power. I love Mondays? Fuck that. I hate Mondays more than ever.

I'm going to miss you, Ryan Davis. I love you. Godspeed you damn Summerjam Scholar and Laserdisc Champion.

</3