Ever look at someone and wonder, "Hmm, is that guy smart or stupid?" Well, here's how you can tell.

1. If he buys into the Zeitgeist movie, he is an idiot. Seriously, this bullshit is so utterly disproven in almost every aspect that the only people who believe it are paranoid Ron Paul supporters, 9/11 “truthers” and 12-year-old atheists. If a person above the age of 14 actually believes this movie to be true, not only is he an idiot; he’s hopeless. Odds are you have seen this guy preaching his idiocy on forums, about either how Ron Paul should be pres and is still in the race (even though he isn’t), how Jesus didn’t exist based on made-up facts told by people who believe aliens from Atlantis built the pyramids to control our minds with religion, or Loose Change dumbasses who honestly believe that the fact that ten people may have heard an explosion somehow disproves the 300,000,000 people who saw a plane hit the goddamn World Trade Center.

2. If he smokes tobacco cigarettes, he is an idiot. Think about it: in this day and age, we are more aware now than ever the completely harmful effects of cigarettes. They cause cancer, not just in the person smoking them but also in people around them who have to breathe in their shit. They have over 51 carcinogens  (that are known to cause cancer) among their ingredients (did I mention urea, a main ingredient in urine [as in piss] is another ingredient?). We are aware of these effects since kindergarten through television, the Internet and just plain common sense. After all, what does it take to go "gee, breathing in smoke can't be that good for your lungs"? So why would someone smoke? Either "to try it out" and then he got addicted and never quit (idiot) or peer pressure (idiot). Tobacco has virtually NO health benefits whatsoever that are not found in fucking fruit. Tobacco smoking is an asinine habit that does not belong in a schooled society whatsoever.

3. If he mixes up the usages of the words "your" and "you're," he is an idiot. I shouldn't even have to explain this, but since common sense is so rare these days, I will. Now, I understand that some rules of grammar are difficult to remember. But what is difficult about memorizing this oh-so-basic technique: "You're" has the "re" of "you are," therefore "you're" means "you are." Simple, yes? That's how I learned it. But some people just can't seem to get this first-grade rule through their heads to save their lives. These are typically the same people we see on the Internet who go "your gay" at anyone they happen to disagree with. Note that I'm not talking about the simple typo here; that happens to everyone and mistakes are human. But when you do it more than three times in a single document, that is nothing short of pathetic. In short: http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x38/Dragonteen1/grammar.gif

4. If he uses the word "gay," “retard” or “emo” as an insult, he is an idiot. “Gay” Is nothing to be insulted about at all. Its original meaning (or at least, one of them) is “happy.” The word “gay” shows up several times in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings (so does the word “faggot” when referring to a type of firewood); I don’t think he was thinking ”lol, pointy ears= fruit!” OH, you mean sexuality. Well, see, not everyone you call “gay” is actually attracted to the same sex, dumbass. This insult is so grammatically absurd that its use as an insult should be kept to fundy parodies. There’s also the “immature” factor that is ever-present in one who uses these kinds of insults. The word “retarded” is in all actuality a medical term to describe someone with an IQ below 60 (in other words, 90% of the YouTube community). Finally, “emo” is a music style. When referring to “emo,” a person usually thinks of a crying guy with funky hair cutting his wrists. That’s not emo; that’s called “clinical depression,” and is hardly a matter to insult.  If a person wears a lock of hair over his eye, then that is not emo, either, as it is called in the Common Tongue a “hairstyle.” Emo is a music style that typically involves weepy guys with funky hair singing about cutting themselves (another name for it is “grunge”), and is actually a pretty damn good genre.

5. If he uses a dictionary to determine whether or not something is a cult, he is an idiot. Normally you see this technique being used by some insecure atheist who thinks all religions are cults, but occasionally you’ll run across the Merriam-Webster fetishist who believes the dictionary defines everything to a “T”. A cult is a sociopsychological (yes, it is a word) term to describe a group of people who typically meet these conditions:

·  People are put in physically or emotionally distressing situations;

·  Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized;

·  They receive unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader;

·  They get a new identity based on the group;

·  They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives, and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled. (Psychology 101, Carole Wade et al., 2005)

One way to spot a cult is by using Steven Hassan’s B.I.T.E. Method:

1.      Behavior Control

2.      Information Control

3.      Thought Control

4.      Emotional Control

Can religion meet these qualifications? Of course, but not all of them, as the insecure atheist would like you to believe. Scientology meets these qualifications. Buddhism does not. For someone to ignore these qualifications in favor of a dictionary definition that they use to apply to anyone who believes differently than them requires idiocy of a whole new level.

6.  If he quotes random philosophers to prove his point, and quotes them wrongly, he is an idiot. Voltaire once said, “A witty saying proves nothing,” but that’s wrong. A witty saying, when applied correctly, proves the person saying it to be a pseudo-intellectual dumbass. Now, it’s perfectly fine to quote your favorite philosophers/politicians/whatever to clarify your point, but be damn sure you’re doing it right.

7. If he supports Ron Paul, he is an idiot. Now, I’m not talking about the guy who goes “gee, I wish Ron Paul was still in”; I’m talking about the guy who goes “THE GOVERNMENT IS EVIL AND LYING TO US VOTE RON PAUL HE’S STILL IN THE RACE *insert link to Ron Paul spam here* ELECT A REAL POLITICIAN NOT A CORRUPT NAZI VOTE RON PAUL!!!!” The reason why this person is an idiot, other than the apparent inability to turn off the caps lock, is the fact that Ron Paul is NOT in the race any longer. He’s out. He’s gone. He’s not going to win. Get over it.

8. If he does anything at all like this, he is an idiot. It doesn’t even need explaining.

9. If he thinks the word “Christmas” is offensive, he is an idiot. This is the ultra-politically correct crybaby who’s offended at the very mention of religion, or anything else he deems offensive, anywhere. Nevermind that all seven days of the week, all twelve months of the year, seven out of eight planets in the Solar System, most of their moons and several body parts are all named after pagan deities or other religious figures. He typically overlooks these details in favor of the word “Christ” cursing people with mean sprites. Not until I see one of these people begin to move for the renaming of the aforementioned will I stop belittling them for this idiocy, and start belittling them for the new one.

10. If he thinks he is an authority on who is and who is not an idiot, he is an idiot. People are allowed to make a list of what makes someone an idiot in their minds, but really, all that determines whether or not someone is an idiot is simple logic and their apparent lack of it. No Internet list of qualifications can do that half as well.