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Snipzor

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Let's try that again, but with less gusto

 Being a godless atheist, the good folks over at Conservapedia don't want me to talk about this. But I'm not on Conservapedia now am I? 
 
On Conservapedia, they have something called "The Conservative Bible Project". Now what in the heck does that mean? Well it means that they are going to conservatise the bible (Well according to their beliefs), which is hard enough as it is, but here are the guidelines.  

  1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
  2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
  3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
  4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
  5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
  6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
  7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
  8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
  9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
  10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."    
Now if you've read the bible, you would know that it isn't exactly kind to free thought (Up until Jesus that is). How the hell are they going to manage to deal with Jesus curing the sick and giving away all of his money, and other stuff Jesus did? It's pretty big, after all, Christianity was founded because of that one guy. How will they conservatise Jesus? How in the hell are they going to manage the whole Republican Jesus thing when it is quite clear that he despised everything the people at conservapedia represent? Good question, they'll probably throw the whole thing out is my guess. Either that or manage to have him carry a gun with him at all times, while espousing free market parables and anti-abortion slogans. Enjoy. 
 
[Conservative Bible Project
  
Until next time, this has been Snipzor, good night.    
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