1. Cu Chulainn
I'm not talking about the great Irish hero here, of course, who is probably a bit of alright, not to mention that he undoubtedly bears a lovely Irish accent.
No, I mean Cu Chulainn the Impure from the Final Fantasy games, who with a title like "Impure" and the ability to fart through his stomach, would leave you feeling filthy for days.
Entirely overbearing, not to mention, I'm sorry to say, really ugly. If you must go for a tall monster in a trenchoat, I would recommend Resident Evil's Mr. X instead, who has far smoother features, and a much less penis-like head.
With his overblown action hero moves, crappy one liners and obsession with style, it might be fair that Dante is working extra hard to overcome certain inadequacies. Inadequacies likely to be brought to light in the bedroom.
It is quite likely that the Son of Sparda might choose to kill you at this point, to hide his shame.
4. Morrigan Aensland
While she might seem incredibly attractive, it's worth keeping in mind that Morrigan takes the souls of the men whom she seduces.
Furthermore, she hasn't updated her sprite in over a decade, which is a poor sign of personal hygiene if ever I saw one.