During my years playing video games, the reason for my enthusiasm in games have all varied. And as much as I callt it simply a hobby, there's something more to it all. An underlying reason why games of all things seem to compell me to spend my time there as opposed to doing other things. That isn't necessarily to say I don't do other things, obviously I do, but they too seem to factor into this overarching narrative of how I function.

In the early days of my interest in gaming it was probably partially envy of other kids owning consoles that made me want one. It was that toy that the spoiled kids had and you only really experienced it in limited quanitites. Once my dream came true, I was spending a lot of time trying to figure out the games but probably stuck to the games that were the most obvious mechanically. I still remember some 8-bit games that I could never figure out the point of. But I had a lot of fun, but it was just one of the many toys in my arsenal.

As time passed, a lot of the other toys were put aside. I grew out of them. But games remained a constant interest. Spending nights at a friend's house playing Shadowrun. I can still feel the atmosphere of that game. It was hard, but we figured out the mechanics and made our progress through that cyberpunk universe. At this point, I never rationalized games as a hobby, just something I enjoyed. I didn't identify myself as being particularly knowledgable on the subject.

Eventually though, games became more and more a central focal point of my life. I began putting my own money toward games and I was spending more times researching what games to get and what was coming soon. I had finally made it my own hobby. But dark waters were lurking around the corner and life threw me a couple of curveballs.

At that time, games gave me an outlet. Something to have fun with and talk to friends about. Along with music, it gave me a shield to put around me. And characters to identify with. When Snake in a raspy voice tells Meryl "Other people just complicate my life. I don't like to get involved." and Meryl replied with "You're a sad, lonely man." -- I understood Snake. I felt rejected by the world and I had turned against it. But, being a introvert teenager, I did that with a sense of melancholy and introvert tendencies. And he wasn't the first character to speak to me and tell me I wasn't alone in my world view.

But, as with all people, you grow out of your teenage angst (hopefully) and you go about your life. So you keep up with games as a hobby but with a different perspective in some sense. Though as time has passed, I have begun to question my reasons for gaming as of late. I realized pretty recently that part of the reason I enjoy games is they give me a chance to shut off my brain. As I own one of those brains that constantly analyze things. Think about things and my inner dialogue is ever present. Even writing this I am contemplating a ton of life defining things. And I am always aware of what's going on. I am self-aware to the point of contemplating how I walk when I walk.

It's probably why I enjoy focused tasks. Such as art or games. It gives a focused outlet that keep me somewhat mentally relaxed because I am using so much of my brain focusing on the task instead of thoughts.

Problem is as of late that sometimes I feel like I am playing a game out of habit instead of out of joy. Sort of like how some days I go into the grocery store and buy candy because I think that's what I want. Even though I don't. Habit. Games have become yet another one of my habits that fulfill some form of role in my overall habits but even though some of them offer great adventures and true awe inspiring experiences, I could probably do away with at least half the game time and games and spend my time elsewhere. Going to the gym has truly given me a completely new way to look at it all. The gym takes up around 2 or 3 hours with commute to gym, showers and eating. And that's 5 days per week.

Another funny thing is time management. I can play games for 3 hours straight and then vallow in dread over folding laundry because it feels like it will take all the time in the world even though it will probably take no more than 30 minutes. That's 1/6th the time I played games and yet the game time felt like 5 minutes. That's probably the downside to being able to use games as a means to turn off your brain. You give yourself a vacation and no one wants to return to work Monday morning.

Remember that really good book, that one you sat with for hours and just couldn't put down? Remember how you savored every moment and truly emerged yourself in the narration of this adventure? Do you recall, once finished, how you bragged to all your friends how fast you blew through the book and that you probably read 50 pages in less than 30 minutes. Of course you don't (and if you do, you're a horrible human being), because what would that gain you other than the satisfaction that either your friends are slow readers or you skimmed past something important in your hurry to be the number one finisher of that book.

Game is in the branding of the hobby, and by all accounts it's roots are in a setting where the High Score were the apex of achievement. Because at one point, games didn't necessarily contain all the complex narratives we have today. It was mechanics first. As the years have passed, and the medium evolved, we've reached a point where the mechanics isn't the only thing anymore. And since we have reached this point, why keep harping the same philosphy regarding design?

When we "win" a game, we get a sense of accomplishment and the high score lists are our bragging rights. But do we really need bragging rights in a story driven experience? I remember playing through Heavy Rain and trying my damndest to get "the best" ending only to have it blow up in my face, and once the sense of disappontment over my own short-comings subsided, I was happy that it happened. I don't need to win at enjoying a well written tale (Yes, Heavy Rain had huge plot holes, but for the sake of this example and topic, let's just ignore that), I just need to enjoy it. But gamers in general are a fickle bunch of entitled brats, if we don't get what we expect out of our calculated version of the game, we freak out. Because in a complete state of irony, we yearn for new ideas, but we fear change.

Walt Williams (head writer for Spec-Ops: The Line) said in a spoilercast on Gamespot (Here, well worth your time) that one of the things they wanted to do was play with player expectations versus the reality of the situation. As players doesn't always have the full information when they enter a specifc situation in order to make a well educated decision. And the end results might not come out the way they anticipated. I think that is something games need more, ignoring player entitlement and look at the bigger picture instead. We're so used to being the masters that we're sometimes forgetting what it is like not to have all the answers and even then, that things will play out the way we expect them to. Because in most of life, it's harder to calculate those things. And why should games be so simple as to cater to our every whim?

But the question remains then, do I as a player need to feel I won? How do we define winning in games where the end goal is less clear? Is reaching the end of the road within an experience enough to be a "win" or does the end have to be a cathartic orgasm of closure and success? I say no. I don't need to feel I won, as long as I feel the road to the end was worth my time. And that the end justifies that journey, whether I am sitting there in complete and utter defeat or joy. However, if winning would imply that the end was satisfactory no matter it's implications on the game world, I could agree with such a proposition. But I don't need to "be the winner."

As seen on the Dialogue Options blog. I wanted to put it here on my own blog as well. As a way to make sure all my writing appear in one place.

As long as I've been playing games, I've enjoyed them on any system they were available on. And even if I didn't get a chance to own that system or even be able to play those games, it didn't stop me from appreciate what they did. And if a game was released that was crappy, even if I had high hopes for it (I'm looking at you, Fighting Force), it wasn't the end of the world. Much like a bad film, sometimes things just doesn't please as much as you had hoped. As the years have passed, I've witnessed the concept of "fanboy" be created and even embraced. I mean really, loyalty toward a brand manufacturer? Why not just.. go where the games are? The closest I ever have been to that was when Microsoft first announced their entry into gaming and I (like many with me) felt a bit "it's not for you, Microsoft, you don't have to own everything." But, I grew out of that and this time around, Xbox was my preferred console. It was petty and stupid not to welcome the competition to the established brands. Because at the end of the day, competition between brands is good for consumers.

Another trend that seems to have peaked lately is the "I am entitled to this because I expected something from this"-fad. I do so hope it pass. It's almost as bad as Star Wars puritans. Petty and pretty pathetic. It's not that people are not allowed to be disappointed that the thing they were waiting for didn't turn out great or that something they enjoy is being run through the mud. But, there is a line when your attachment for something can take over your rational view of the larger picture.

I am a pretty laid back person in many ways. And I have seen some of my own personal favorites turned into something I never wished for them. But that's life. And beyond that, this hobby is just a hobby. It's not a necessity for survival. That isn't to say one cannot voice ones concerns in a constructive manner, but I think there's a limit to the madness. Seeing people flood Randy Pitchford's twitter for answers as to why a game turned out bad is just.. well, what do you expect to find?

People always seem to have the most odd logic regarding situations. As if their own needs are above all and everyone should stop and pay attention. It always brings back a memory from several years ago. The European Union had a meeting in Sweden, in Gothenburg to be exact. Long story short, it turned into a big mess with protesters fighting the police. But I was talking to a girl that was going down there and I asked her what she expected to get out of it. What was her plan? She told me that they wanted to be heard, they were going to enter the meeting and be heard. To which I replied; "First of all, why would they listen to a sea of young idealists breaking in and screaming over each other? And second, why not enter the political system as a party instead and work from the inside?" -- She never did answer my first question, but her answer to my second question was "We don't have time." Which made it all clear. They had all the ideals in the world, but no context and no constructive outlet. So it turned unfocused and destructive. And all that did was work against them in the long run.

But even so, that was still politics. That still mattered on some level. Games matter in ways not fit for outrage. A sigh of disappointment sure, but public outcry of scorn expectations turned entitlement? What?! Grow up and deal with life throwing you lemons once in a while and you may never know why.

There, got that off my chest.

My iPhone hates me. And when I mean it hates me, I don't mean I get somewhat bad reception or lower than average battery life. I mean he flat out loath my existence. First it was the headphone jack that committed ritual suicide in glorious fashion and it was an omen of things to come. After that happened, my battery started getting really strange. It would surprise me by jumping from 80% to 20% in a matter of minutes. The next day, it would be a few hours and no issue at all. But the real fun stuff began when the battery got so unreliable that doing anything other than listen to music was a death sentence. Any attempt at 3G connectivity and it would shut down and take a spa weekend, even at well above 50%. And with this, came the bloating. The battery was growing. It had become it's own self-aware mutation. And it was pushing the back glass to escape it's captivity.

So, with tools and a replacement battery at hand, it was a fight. And as I slid the back lid to close up, feeling the flat back once again. A sense of relief washed over me. It turned on nicely and.. what the.. "Searching.." -- My iPhone had, to throw salt in my wounds, sacrificed it's own antenna. Making the phone a glorified iPod Touch. In my despair, my wife offered me her iPhone and said she could take a "basic" phone until we can upgrade. Trying to give something back, I offered my broken phone as a wi-fi iPod for her to use with some of her apps. But, as I was removing myself from that phone, I mate the fatal error of making a clean slate. But you can't activate the phone without it being able to connect to your carrier. So, now it's dead, in a eternal restoration loop. Because hey, error -1, you may have something wrong with your device.

No shit.

But, for the brief period when I had a iPhone iPod at work which meant no internet, I started to dabble some in iOS gaming again. And I have been playing some games before, such as the Kairosoft games and the occasional puzzle game. But with the rekindle of portable phone gaming, let's leave the grim phone situation for some phone gaming goodness.

Expanding Squares With Spliced People

I am a sucker for detailed pixel art. It feels like candy to my eyes. But it can't be too cute. It needs to feel like a digital diorama of sorts.It was part of why I really enjoyed Kairosoft's offerings in the past. And perhaps it's looking forward to Sim City, perhaps it's just my ever loving dream of controlling city zoning. But there's just something fun about city building. The problem with these kind of games in the iPhone is usually that they're free (or crap) and work on the energy system.

This is where a general design philosophy differ with Chillingo's Pixel People, as while the game contains certain elements of that to be used to speed up certain events. The game has so much going on that it doesn't matter that it takes a minute or two to build that building. Because as you're waiting for what you built to finish there's a bunch of things going on worthy of your attention.

You'll be splicing new inhabitants of your utopia, into professions that in turn unlocks new jobs and new buildings. All the while you need to add residential housing and have the love blossom by holding a heart. And collect and amass as much money as you can to keep building. Never thus far have I felt the game lacking in things to do or be hampered by a lack of energy. The fact that the game is completely free, doesn't hurt either.

Exploring Mechanical Locks On Boxes

Graphics on the iPhone are perhaps some of the most interesting out there. Not because they can or can't be great, but because for all the games on the iOS store, there really are not enough games that really create something worth looking at that isn't cartoony or pixel art. It is as though phone game developers still think of phone games as that weird kid that you let on your team once in a while to be nice. And I think that's also part of why I never connected with phone games. But as we all know, graphics are not everything to a game and Fireproof Games certainly knows this as The Room is more than just a pretty picture.

The thing that hit me first (and something I later heard Vinny say in the Quicklook) was the game's atmosphere and how it evoked a little bit of Myst or Riven. The thing these games all share is an atmosphere that is thick and you're not quite sure whether the world feels just mystical or actually threatening. There's a sense that something may go horribly wrong, or it's all in your head.

What I enjoy most about the game though is how the puzzles are sometimes incomprehensible for a few before something just clicks and that click takes you several steps down the road of solving the entire box. And then, as if by design, you're again stuck. Clueless. And so you go back to looking, analyzing and clicking everything. And you do your best to avoid the clue button. Because only suckers click the clue button.

Engaging The Vast Reaches Of Space

When Star Trek Online went free-to-play, I was pretty curious about it. But being on a mac I was a bit hampered by having to jump through hoops to play it. But once I got in there, nothing was as relaxing as exploring the galaxy. Flying my crappy ship around and shooting at whoever were eyeballing me. But I also realized I wasn't that into MMOs so I put it to rest. Luckily for me, in my phone game hunt, I gave Fishlabs Entertainment's Galaxy on Fire 2 a shot.

I wasn't honestly expecting much from the get go. But the game actually won me over pretty directly. Sure, I'll admit I didn't quite take to the voice acting right away. It's a bit miss-miss-slight hit. But the game (the HD version) is gorgeous. And flying your ship is a smooth experience as the game runs excellent. Entering a new area is always a treat as the game does a good job of panning the camera to really give you a nice view before you take control of your ship.

The goal is to follow through the galactic story as space veteran extraordinaire Keith T. Maxwell , but in the mean time there are a bunch of side activities to enjoy. Mining asteroids or hunting pirates. Or maybe just cruise from station to station and trade supplies for profit. And hey, how about your own space station?

Another reason the game really stuck with me was it's similarities to games I already enjoy. There is an underlying Mass Effect atmosphere in there at times, or at least that's what I tell myself when I am jumping through warpgates. The game was at the time of picking it up completely free and as much content there seems to be and as much I am enjoying it, it seems like a steal. So for the first time ever, I actually used micro transactions to get myself extra credits in the game. As a tip-jar sort of thing. But if the game keeps me hooked for long, I might actually consider investing in the DLC.

And finally..

I would like to remind everyone to check out @rappelsiini's weekly community round-table feature Dialogue Options. Yes, it's a shameless plug of a thing I am a part of.

• Dialogue Options Vol. 1
• Dialogue Options Vol. 2

That's how spectacularly boring my life is and how tired I am from a week of workouts and lack of sleep. Who knew building muscle and losing weight would be such hard work? Actually, I sort of lied there, my life isn't actually all that boring, I'm just being melodramatic for the sake of it. Since we last spoke, I have given serious consideration to where my time is going and I have yet to make any progress on why it slips through my fingers. But at least I'm analyzing the data. You know what, this isn't really how this was going to start, let's get some coffee and a pre-workout shake and let's do this! My Note; This post may contain spoilers (including ending) to Mass Effect 1-3, The Walking Dead Ep. 1 and Journey.

The Conclusion of Effective Mass

I took my sweet sweet time, but eventually there was no denying I had to rip the band-aid off and finish Mass Effect 3. I had probably done a majority of the things available to you in the game, except perhaps buying the Black Widow sniper rifle because that sucker was expensive and in a weak moment I bought fish and armor pieces I never used that set me back a few thousand credits. But at least pew-pew those who stood against me with my slow-ass Javelin. And my trusty side-arm that shoots sticky balls of exploding electricity. God, those fucking Banshees. The game had a lot of very emotional and badass moments, I wish some characters got more room and I wish some got less. But let's be honest here, Garrus is the goddamn.. man? Whatever. Bro for eternity. One thing I really enjoyed about this final game was that it brought back a lot of the features I liked from the original Mass Effect but seemingly through Mass Effect 2 polish.

My paragon Shepard has been through some shit, and I have done my best to role-play while at the same time control the outcome. This is something I realized in Mass Effect 2 when I sort of wanted to go rouge and Renegade as a "pay-back" to the uptight blind Council. But I realized just as fast that there is no way the game would understand my disconnected projection of my own thoughts onto this game, so I had to temper my actions so that I didn't mess up how I felt Shepard was, as opposed to how I wish he was.

My biggest issue with Mass Effect 3, and maybe Mass Effect in general, is that leaders are all written to seem stupid and bureaucratic to a fault, wearing blindfolds and listening to their own voices. So many events could have been avoided had basic common sense reigned. And why does everyone throughout Mass Effect franchise, at least from the political side, treat Shepard like he aint' no thing? Daaahhh Reapers? I never saw any huge ship enter citadel space, you might have dreamt that, Shepard. Hell, the Illusive Man in all his grand narcissism even treated Shepard with some dignity. Come Mass Effect 3 and suddenly "Woah, that Shepard dude knew some shit. Let's bring him back from retirement because he saved us so we reprimanded him." WHAT?

I am sure the fiction of Cerberus and Council and all that jazz goes deeper than that, but I don't think Bioware really made Cerberus look as questionable as the game wanted you to think. Up to a point. Council on the other hand has continually looked like self-centered morons who seem to make life difficult just for the sake of it. The more I write, the more I wish the reapers would harvest these idiots. Sort of like how the whole Geth vs Qurian debacle feels like a "Hey, we need more missions, let's start some shit." I did really enjoy the Geth Server mission, I mean, it was dumb but the fiction that was revealed there was pretty awesome. But let's not get specific or this blog will take forever.

And so, I finally got to see the much debated ending. It was dumb. Dumb. But as I read somewhere, if you look at it as forms of extreme take on the different morality aspects of your character, it's pretty fitting. My major complaint was not so much the ambiguity of the ending but the fact that what was left, aside from the event was one small scene? Really? After that long-assed final mission you abruptly end on me with little closure? Fuck you, those characters deserved better.

But, overall I really enjoyed my time with Mass Effect 3.

Hammer Face, you so pretty

I haven't read The Walking Dead, nor seen the tv-series. So my comparison is.. well.. other adventure games and Dead Island, since it's the only Zombie related thing I've liked lately. Dude, goddamn, I liked this. There are many aspects of the game that I enjoyed, the timed answers give the situation some actual tense decision making but it also really puts you on the spot. I remember playing KULT back in the pen-and-paper RPG days when our GM would do that and it just added a layer of complexity and creative thinking on our part and the game was a lot more enjoyable as a result. The interaction between characters are interesting and I never felt any discussion ever really dragged out and outstayed it's welcome. The game has a really nice atmosphere, it's borderline cozy, if you could call smashing a girls face in with a hammer cozy, I wouldn't know. But equally well built suspense. But, it's certainly not a very hard game, one puzzle had me scratching my brain but overall I think most of the game's value, at least this episode, was just the establishing of characters and getting to know your own.

Really quite looking forward to Episode 2.

Sand, sand, sand and some fabric

My first Playstation store purchase since.. I don't know when, maybe the last thing I bought on Playstation 3 was thatgamecompany's other game, Flower. Initially I was a bit underwhelmed, it didn't look quite as good as I had imagined it to, that's not to argue it was ugly, far from it. It was a beautiful looking game, just a matter of overblown expectations. The actual "journey" of playing the game was a serene and relaxing experience. Some moments you just had to take a moment and soak in the surroundings and other times things moved so fast you wish you could stop. And then, like that, it was all over. And unlike Mass Effect 3, the ending wasn't abrupt, in retrospect the game felt abrupt. I was always moving forward and before I knew it, there was no more. I never tried playing it online, not sure what that would have added as far as enjoyment of the game is concerned. I think my main problem with the game was my own approach, I "played" it more than I "experienced" it and I've in retrospect realized it's a poor way of going about it.

Still, Journey handled the ending sequence and ending in general better than Mass Effect 3 handled the ending, proportionally speaking of course.

Let's get self-centered

On a completely game-unrelated-but-related note, I've been steadily hitting the gym 3-4 times per week and with a new way of eating I've lost weight and gained muscle. It's fantastic. I used to work out a lot some years ago and I remember being pretty strong at work, I have since then sort of been letting myself go quite a bit. But, no more I say! My goal, or reward if you will, is if I get in decent shape by the end of the summer I'm going to start training MMA. It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately, and I think I have the right mentality for it. Granted, I am a complete social-phobia personality when it comes to entering into new situations so going somewhere to train for the first time will be gut-wrenchingly horrible. So, games, yeah I'm also trying to write more (but that is proving to be difficult as I tend to lose track of time doing other things) and all this and some economics of life I have realized games are costing a lot of time. So I'm trying my best to temper my gaming lately, maybe get a bit more selective and buy fewer games. It feels like an odd thing to say, especially when there are some killer games coming soon, I am already behind on buying some games that have been released. But sometimes you just got to try and add some measure of priorities. And I fucking suck at that. So, who knows, maybe by the end of the summer I own all the games and I'm fat. But let's hope not, at least the fat part.

PS. This was a fairly ordinary blog-post. How boring. Next time I'll add suspense, surrealism and.. ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.

Just kidding, Sovereign for president!

Many games over the years, though I would argue not enough, has been trying to pull the heart strings of their audiences for an emotional bond with it's characters. May have been through graphical fidelity or clever writing and musical cues. Not as many games have created characters that feel as though they have thoughts that rationalize their way to their conclusion, reasoning behind their words and the feelings they portray. And above all else, most of video game emotions are still based on a very two way scale of good and bad. Certainly there are exceptions to the rule and I applaud those that tread the lines of gray. Because life isn't clear cut, and there are no right answers. Life is a question of instant reaction to what we perceive around us and what our experience say the outcome should be based on previous examples of those events or similar. What does this tell us about emotional game characters?

It tells us that they're predisposed to act according to the event, not the experience. Much like a well trained sociopath, social cues are imitated and acted out because that's what expected. But there is nothing behind the veil of their disconnect to the other people. Assuming you're an android and you look at the world through logic coding and mathematics, you don't understand the social concepts of emotions because those are based on experience and the biologically bred instinct for survival of you and yours. How would an android then fear death if fear is an irrational feeling to guide our escape?

The problem facing us is the need to have thinking characters. And what does thinking characters need? Questions. Because like you and me, it's not in the answers that we define ourselves. It is in the questions we pose every day. Not all questions have answers and some we spend our entire lifetime trying to figure out. An android does not have questions, it seeks answers. Curiosity for them isn't about the quest, it's about the raw data that adds to the database of knowledge that they can use to behave more naturally. But there is no experience extrapolated from the data.

Having played many games recently which characters that think about the situation they are in, I found most of them never asked many questions of themselves. Mostly they judged the situation and as an android or sociopath, they acted according to what the situation seemed to warrant. Sometimes that meant doing nothing (because they had no answer/data) and that resulted in ruins. Furthering solidifying themselves as shell like creations with strings and cues but no motivation of their own.

I am very curious how we would all play games if the characters we played seemed to be guided by their own desires and thoughts rather than our goals of achieving the best ending. And if we would be as careless with other characters beside our own if they also seemed more driven by a sense of life rather than being magnetically connected with our own character for no rhyme or reason. Most of all though, how could we as players be broken down and merged with the experience of bonding with those characters if it didn't mean shooting someone, stabbing someone or otherwise inflict physical damage or becoming the savior of the world? I can't emotionally resonate with military shooters because I've never been in a fire fight and I don't have the experience to imagine how that would feel. I can emotionally resonate with a fallen comrade in those games though because I have friends that mean a lot and I wouldn't be happy if they died. The possibilities for emotional investments in characters are so underused in today's games because no one is playing games that revolves around actual human experiences and interactions, for the most part.

Once a rather famous android said that the reason he didn't want his memories and knowledge transferred over to a computer was because of the risk that the essence or "flavor" of those memories might be lost in the transfer. Implying that he had learned to distinguish between raw data and experience. The connection of dots between what happened and what that meant. I wish there was more video game characters that share that trait. That somehow show that they understand what is actually going on rather than being reactionary in ways they are supposed to be.

Finally, there needs to be some amount of conclusions that characters come to that isn't completely crazy. In fact, it would be nice if the games made sure the character actually came to some conclusions other than "I am as unsure about this whole thing as the guy controlling me." It's not reassuring and I can't find myself sympathetic with a character in a state of panic if I don't get what he's actually in panic for. I don't know him enough and his character traits are not obvious enough for me to know what would cause his panic either. Simply put, he's acting the way he's supposed to in order to convey something rather than being something.

Are you the type of person that tends to obsess fanatically about something only to discard it later for something new and shiny to obsess about? Maybe you have one thing you obsess about for a long time and then other things you just obsess over once in a while, like an on again off again girlfriend you like but you don't want to commit to anything serious? Or maybe you're a sane individual with varied social life and hobbies. Hell, you might even read books.

I'm one of those people that become way too engrossed in something and define myself with it. You couldn't tell it from the outside (well, maybe when I was a teenager and all I listened to was Marilyn Manson), but talk to me for any length of time and eventually you'd see a pattern where I would eventually talk about video games, even if you don't play them. And I've come to realize that as of late, video games are hindering me financially and time wise to do other things and become more well rounded as an individual. Sure, having a hobby isn't as crazy as turning every conversation into a fanboy rant about how awesome some band is, but you're still a bore to be around eventually.

Granted, I make this sound more crazy than it might be in reality. Because the reality is that I work in a factory and the IQ level at my job isn't staggering. So talking about anything other than soccer, cars, shitty movies or every day dull bullshit is a complete waste of time with these coworkers of mine. Bring up something interesting you read and half the people listening to you will have a dead stare as if you said some magic word that had them paralyzed. Reading Big Think isn't doing anything for my social skills other than making myself look like a know-it-all douche.

But I digress, the lesson I've learned over the years is that I have a lot of hobbies, not just video games. But I've favored video games because it's easy and mind numbing. It takes little effort and it's not particularly healthy to do something because it's easy, as I wouldn't say all those hours of Call of Duty multiplayer was worth it when if I spent half that time at the gym I would be in pretty good shape.

So, my 2012 resolution was to aspire to be a better me. In every way. If I was going to spend so much time playing them games, I might as well get better at writing about them at the same time. But, to pick and choose a bit more which games to play and prioritize time towards other things such as the gym, reading my collection of Hunter S. Thompson books (along with some other books I own and still haven't read) and get out there and experience some things that doesn't require a controller in my hands. Pick up my photography again, or is that saying so cliché I might as well have said "Let's get the band back together.."? Just asking.

Bringing this back around, this thing spurred from me checking out a list of what games are to come in the next year and the games I am really looking forward to isn't that many. Sure, I got some 2011 games I haven't picked up that I still do want to play, but for the first time in a long while it was nice to see a list of games with very few (or at least, less than usual) that piqued my interest. It means I'll have more money and more time to spend on other hobbies and interests. Thanks video game industry.

We'll see by 2013 if I'm a better person. I mean, if I'm more well rounded. A better person might be a stretch.

Yesterday while on my way to work the shoe laces I haven't re-tied for an unreasonable amount of time broke. I looked down on my several years old Goodyear Adidas and realized that while I could just buy new laces, it really was time to retire these shoes. I've always like Adidas because of how well they fit my feet, but also because they're probably some of the best quality sneakers I've ever worn. When people who are into cheap alternatives ask me why I buy something that cost more money, I always tell them it's an investment. More so than any other piece of clothing. Because the amount of time Adidas lasts for me without breaking makes them actually pretty cheap. Granted, they don't always look brand new at some point but that's when they're the most comfortable.

Thusly I've commenced on a hunt for new sneakers which will probably end up being Adidas but certainly open to other brands if they're good looking I suppose.

So how about you?

What's your brand of choice?

Ever buy any extravagantly expensive sneakers?

And how long do you usually wear sneakers before you upgrade to a new pair?

Discuss!

We speculate a lot regarding the games we're looking forward to before we get our hands on them. Some would say hype, but that's only part of it. In general though I think we could use a broader term that encompass both positive and negative which would be expectation. Every title that comes out have a certain amount of expectations on them due to their PR and history of that franchise (if there is one) and so on. But sometimes it seem that those expectations we have are so unreachable, unreal or even completely based in some dream that isn't real that the game cannot even begin to live up to those.

I remember when I first sat down and played Tomb Raider,it was with a close friend who had just received a brand new Playstation from his mom. And while it was unfortunate that he didn't receive a memory card (something he brought up to her and hilarity ensued considering how spoiled he sounded and how extremely angry she got), we still had a blast playing that game. Exploring the caves, solving puzzles, shooting bears. I remember me having to do all the swimming in that game, for some reason he just didn't take to that part and I had no problems with it. But I digress, my point is that a lot of the games during the Playstation era I had no expectations on, I took them on as I got them or played them at friend's houses. Until one fateful day..

Though I didn't have much expectations I did occasionally read some gaming magazine here (Sweden) called "Super Play" which generally came with a demo disc, which was pretty great. And in that magazine they had an article regarding upcoming games and one of the games really struck a chord in me; Fighting Force. Yes yes, in retrospect that seems like a really stupid thing. But at the time, being a fan of the old beat 'em ups this seemed like a revelation. They were talking about alternate paths, destructible environment, several playable character with varying styles and environmental weapons. And sure, if you play the game most of that is true in some respect, but it was a short and pretty average game and certainly not a true bearer of the beat 'em up legacy I had hoped. I think what has in retrospect soured that game even more was at that young fragile age, I figured it was a good idea to sell my NES to get that game.

Since then, I've been trying over time to temper my expectations and I've found that I am less negatively surprised with the purchases I do make. Mostly because I educate myself on the game and make sure I know the most I can before I decide to go down the path of actually buying it. But I've found you still have some expectations on games that you don't really get away from. Take the Uncharted franchise as an example, I know what that franchise is about. I knew it when I had played to a part in the first game where all the enemy waves took all the joy out of playing that game for me. But I still went on and bought the second one after it's huge praise, and while that game was better in every way, I still hated the parts of that game that revolved around action. And it dawned on me that my like for Uncharted isn't really the real uncharted. It's cherry picked sections of the game that I really like and I drag myself through the other parts to be able to enjoy those moments of bliss. Somehow, my brain won't accept that Uncharted is this way. Somehow I seem to still expect that game to conform to my want and not accept it as it is.

What really made me think about this was the wave of zombies coming out from their Skyrim coma and talking about the game as it was a big pile of disappointment. And it wasn't the ones saying they didn't get into it, but those who had played it for ungodly amount of hours and turned over every stone. They were disappointed and portrayed the game as boring and lackluster. And it blew my mind how you could put that many hours into something only to piss on it when you're done. But I think the Skyrim had a really huge wave that people were riding, stories were being told and it would seem as if the game was endless in possibilities. Several hours upon hours later and people are reaching the limits of what Skyrim has to offer and suddenly it's not enough. Why isn't there more to do here? Suddenly that zeitgeist wave crashed on itself and those that used to ride it now curse it. Did people think it was going to be endless?

Having expectations can be fun, and I sometimes miss being truly blindly excited as I used to when I didn't know as much about every possible purchase as I do now. But it's a fickle thing, that while in some cases when your expectations are exceeded you sing praises and write poetry about it (such as Deus Ex: Human Revolution for me), it can also crash and burn under those expectations and even if the game is still good you've already decided it's not because it doesn't meet your idea of what the game was supposed to be.

Note: I make some rather passionately harsh comments and some arguments based on light ground in this post. I've since the inception of this blog post come to realize I was overstepping on some areas where I wasn't actually wanting this discussion to go, I was just getting out of bed in a foul mood that reflected poorly on my writing of this blog. In hindsight, I probably should have waited to post this until my mind could settle and I had a cup of tea down. I still stand by thinking this is entirely stupid, but I could probably have worded that entire thing better.

Thank you all for contributing to the discussion and if you're new to the thread, disregard some of my original ramblings and focus on the topic at hand; Kopimism.

Escapist Article talking about something I recently read in a Swedish newspaper here. Apparently some dude I wish I could punch in the face have made the act of downloading and sharing things online an officially recognized religion. This completely ruins me because not only is religion on it's own dumb. But to make piracy a religion is even twice as dumb because the basic idea behind piracy is such an annoying fallacy of logic that it always makes my head explode when people don't grasp the simple concept of "If no one paid for these things, they wouldn't exist". Sure they won't always slant it that way, but that's the gist. No one is stopping the notion of sharing freeware and copyright-free things, therefore these "enemies of free information" is obviously those who think copyrighted material should be paid for so that those who created those things get back what they invested.

And it's a shame that this mentality has taken place. I remember some years ago the film industry in South Korea was booming, they made some awesome films during that time (such as Oldboy). Since then, piracy has made most experimental films obsolete in favor of bland "lowest common denominator" entertainment much like Hollywood or Hong Kong. Sure, there will be those that manage to create something interesting, but not as much as it could be if more people took their head out of their ass and paid for the entertainment they consume. Sure, one could argue about how the income scales within entertainment, but just because A-list celebrities in block buster movies make a ton of cash, doesn't mean every person making something drives a Bently.

We all know this happens in the gaming industry as well. How many studios isn't closing down? Sure, their issues might not all be due to piracy, but for some I am sure it is. Big franchises tend to win out because they have the PR and they will sell more than they spent. But most won't. Which means new ideas are not as prolific as sequels. And while some franchises are fun sequels, it makes for a rather stale state of the gaming landscape.

I can agree though that while piracy is a reality, creators of entertainment needs to give out options that make paying for their products worth it. Make the pirate version the lesser one. But that may also mean we'll eventually end up in a place where "streaming" and "cloud" gaming (or other entertainment) is the norm and that the notion of owning something to keep for the future is a thing of the past. And I am not sure I want that to be the case. I like the fact that I can sit down and play Bushido Blade and not worry about them not having that game on some server somewhere.

Finally, for more brain melting stupidity, check out their website here.