It's a game
If you haven't been following the game industry for the past 5-10 years, these words will appear meaningless:
Duke Nukem Forever has been released.
Those of us who, at least tangentially, have kept up with the whole debacle, and perhaps have pulled out a ”When it's done!”-reference over the years, might have some problem processing those words. Duke Nukem Forever is a relic, almost a sort of hormone laced and beer chugging holy Grail of video game history, that was officially announced around 15 years ago. It was supposed to be the sequel to Duke Nukem 3D, the often genredefining first-person-shooter-with-strippers-you-could-throw-money-at-and-ask-them-to-”shake-it-baby”, anno 1996. What followed was 15 years of highly fluctuating amounts of activity in and around the project including announcements, licensing and switching between graphical engines, screenshots, trailers, release dates that were postponed, prolonged periods of silence, speculations and rumors, etc that eventually culminated in 2009 with the official news that the game had gone down with the developer, 3D Realms, that was at last shutting their doors and forever locking away what never could be realised. This, however, only turned out to be another minor inconvenience for Duke Nukem Forever, which debuted in its first ever playable form at last year's PAX (Penny Arcade Expo), along with the news that the developing studio Gearsbox Interactive had picked up the rights for publishing the game, resolved the many legal issues surrounding all the companies that had had their hands on the very long coming project and that it was actually, really, honestly, we're serious this time, going to be released. And they have delivered.
It's extremely important to point out that this game has been 15 years in development. There is no chance in hell that it justify all this time or live up to expectations. It's a videogame, but not one I feel I can justly pass judgment on, and so I leave that up to the professional writers, or the amateurs with more conviction. This text is a justification, from my point of view, the existence of the game, and my purchase of it. Take it as you will, it's all just opinions in the end.
As I started playing, and it hit me that yes I was really playing Duke Nukem Forever, I decided to start scrawling down quick notes on things that hit me along the way, be it thoughts, observations, frustration, etc. They don't follow any particular pattern, except that I wrote them down one after the other (Chronologically, I believe they call it), and they are of various insight and punch.
Potential spoiler warning: I tried to avoid jotting down too specific things, but if you're sensitive you might want to skip it.
Duke Nukem Forever! (Yes, really)
Physics puzzles?!
Welcome to 199X!
Reloading the Ripper.
2 weapons >:(!!!
One-liners ftw
Checkpoints :(
Where's the music? Was it absent in the millenia the game got stuck in?
Scavenge hunt Duke
Generic level design? → Not always → Neat slimy organic level, reminds me of Prey
Altruistic ladders – an FPS innovation I can get behind
Broken shades – cool death animation
Ambivalent graphics
Isaac Clarke-cameo (Minus body) – me likey!
ONE-LINERS FTW! (Suck it, Japan)
The lighting engine really shines (Pun definitely intended)
Wall boobs. Wall boobs. Wall. Boobs. No comment!
Boring-ass HUD
Ego for health – very Duke Nukemesque
CHECKPOINTS! >:(!!!
Platforming – very 90's!
Selfawareness pertaining to its weapon limitations/sex jokes – meta humor Duke style!
Boss 1 - :(
4:20 joke - :P ← alongside a 69 joke
How the heck do you get a Portal reference in a Duke Nukem game? Strippers, of course!
Pool, slots, videopoker, pinball – the good old days
Plug'n'play tampons. Ingenious, or something.
Vibrating dildos – funneh!
Man, the younger audience won't understand anything in this game, or why it exists..
QTE – okay
Pretty darn great shrinking sequences
Scavenger Duke, at your service
Videogame reference #X = Half-Life
Seriously, where's the music?!
Made my own playlist for the music. Metal, yeah!
Freeze, pigcop motherfucker!
Gears of War-reference?
Freezegun + water = win/lose/win
Yay, Team America 2: Duke yeah!
Do ya like boobs? 'Cause we gots them!
Suck it, FedEx!
Bubbles let you beathe under water. Duke uses 90s game design to beat modern game design to death. I approve.
More physics puzzles!
DNF2 CONFIRMED!
Concrete shoes anyone?
Donkey Kong-reference, a videogame that (actually!) existed prior to DNF's first appearance
… Is the game really over? Can't be. Or?
Um. I guess it is.
So that was Duke Nukem Forever. Apparently. A fascinating piece. I often had a lot of fun with it, and the only two things I genuinely disliked was how it handled the music and the end of the game. Pretty much everything else is just a surreal mixture of video game design spanning from mid-90's to mid 00's, peppered with consolification (I didn't mind it too much, to be honest – at this point it's not what's going to make or break DNF) and just a torrential flood of the Duke Nukem from '96, as unabashedly one dimensional and amazingly entertaining now as he was then. I am impressed, moved, confounded, fascinated, nostalgic, frustrated, confused and just.. Strangely happy over the entire experience, and by writing this I feel justified in my purchase. I haven't a clue if I could recommend DNF to people, but I know that I am glad it's finally out and that I have played it.
