Gaming Peeps Say the Darndest Things

Developers and marketing will say anything to get your attention, often leading to some interesting choice of words.

List items

  • "It's you Americans. There's something about nipples you hate. If this were Germany, we'd be romping around naked on the stage here." - Peter Molyneux

  • "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHjvUjlF1kE" target="_blank">Gaming for me is a religion</a>, and Haze is the shit! I had to come up with a track that can hit up that kind of rush I get from the game and I think we really rocked it!!" - Jonathan Davis (Korn)

  • "Always bet on Duke." - 1997 Trailer

    <br /><br />“We’re confident that DNF will be one of the greatest, if not the greatest, game of 1998. And this confidence is not misplaced.” – Scott Miller, 1997

    <br/><br /> “Trust us, Duke Nukem Forever will rock when it comes out next year.” – Joe Siegler, 1999

    <br /><br /> “If DNF is not out in 2001, something’s very wrong.” – George Broussard, 2001

  • "John Romero is about to make you his bitch."

  • "The second game, if we do our jobs right, will hopefully give you a HEART ATTACK."

  • "A beta is like hooking up with a girl just to say, 'Yeah, I fucked her.' I know that sounds crude, but it’s the honest-to-God truth." - CliffyB.

  • "The game will support <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtKMqdMWNec" target= "_blank">ONE MILLION TROOPS</a>.WOOOW. ONE...MILLION...TROOPS! *love you guys*

    <br /><br /> If you press XXX YYY and then XX YY again, you will be sucked!" - The adorable Tak Fuji

  • "TRULY, this is the age of dragons"

  • "Brought to you by: Fight.Against.Grenade.Spam." - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td352xP-NZ8" target="_blank">PSA</a>

    <br /><br />"Infinity Ward - Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: How good? Eating your fav ice cream while getting a bj in zero gravity ... is a close 2nd." - Dane Cook

  • "He who buries the little girl wins."

  • "Halo is full of these bullshit archetypal characters" - Richard Morgan, Writer for Crysis 2

    <br><br>Morgan On MW2:"Jesus guys, what have you been doing? You've not ramped anything up. The story is worse and the game doesn't really hang together, it's just a bunch of mission levels."

  • "I listened ad nauseum to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo_4QopvYFs" target="_blank">'Come Sail Away' from Styx</a> while designing 'God of War' because there was something to that song that really spoke to the game." - David Jaffe

  • "Our main goal from the start of this project has been to create a journey that will make gamers truly feel like THEY ARE GOING THROUGH HELL." (I think Ryan would say mission accomplished :p)

  • "When it comes to No More Heroes, I basically work like a bathroom toilet." - Suda is 51 kinds of crazy

  • "In the previous Call of Dutys it might take three or four shots from a bolt action rifle. We made sure that a <u>single shot centre mass</u> would kill that opponent because that's the expectation of the player." - Noah Heller, Activision.

    <br /><br />Robert Bowling's response: "Noah Heller - Stop Doing Interviews. Seriously man.... You're killing me! [...]WTF are you talking about?! 'in previous Call of Dutys blah blah blah'. First of all, you didn't work on 'previous Call of Dutys', so don't talk as if you're down with how / why things were designed the way they were. Second, you're completely fucking wrong!

    <br /><br/>Can you guys please stop interviewing this guy, talk to someone who actually works on the Dev Team at Treyarch and knows what the fuck they’re talking about. Not <u>senior super douche</u> Noah Heller from Activision - who apparently has never played the game and doesn’t even work at the developer."

  • Ken Kutaragi at the PS3 launch: "It's probably too cheap." and "We want for consumers to think to themselves, 'I will work more hours to buy one.”

  • "Parents who use video games as a babysitter shouldn’t have sex to begin with" - Former Nintendo Exec. Perrin Kaplan

  • "Most snarky critics had their minds set before ever seeing/playing the game. I'm proud of what we created; it's innovative, responsive and fun." - The Incorrigible Birdman

  • "If I am wrong and gamers in general think the game is 'crap' then I am comfortable with getting tagged 'Owned by the GAF'. However, if I am right and it is received well, I would like to see those 'Against' to be tagged with 'Owned by Too Human'."

    <br /> <br />After the game's launch: "But what we're also seeing is for the people who don't like it, generally just don't get it. And it's because we've created something so innovative and different."- Denis Dyack

  • "Game writers are the game equivalent of the guy who talks between the nude girls at strip clubs. " - Erik Wolpaw, writer for Portal

  • "You call this a track?" - Jack Tretton, President and CEO SCEA

    <br /> "Too much hair gel says WHAT ?" - Kevin Butler, VP of Artistic Modifications

    <br /><br /> "I got your new job title: VP of washing my car" - Jacky T

    <br /> "Tell me more grown up child actor" - Kevin B

  • "Hey, if Activision liked it, then they should have put a ring on it. Oh great, now Beyonce is going to sue me too." - Tim Schafer

  • - On Bobby Kotick: “He could go to an industry that makes more money. Ball bearings... Something that suits his passions more. Weapons manufacturing?” <a href="http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/double-fines-tim-schafer-develop-interview?page=4" target="_blank">[Interview]</a>

  • "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVMnesyAsjQNo" target= "_blank">NO ONE</a> is more authentic than Kid Rock."

  • "You do cool shit. So you can unlock more cool shit. So you can do even more cool shit.I mean it's pretty much the circle of awesome really." - Tanya Jessen

    <br><br> "Bulletstorm will kick you in the face with awesome." - Tanya Jessen

    <br /><br />"It encourages you to play with your enemies, [...] like a fat kid playing with cake. This is the only game that allows you to give your enemies a colon cleansing with lead."- Cliff Bleszinski

    <br> <br> "Dead Echo were the premier badasses of motherfuck town." - Rick Remender, Lead Writer for Bulletstorm

    <br> <br> "Hey DICKTITS! This game ain't gonna pre-order itself. HAHAHA!" - Oh You, Epic!

  • "The PS3 is a total disaster on so many levels, I think it’s really clear that Sony lost track of what customers and what developers wanted. I’d say, even at this late date, they should just cancel it and do a ‘do over’. Just say, ‘This was a horrible disaster and we’re sorry and we’re going to stop selling this and stop trying to convince people to develop for it.’" - Gabe Newell, a few years before announcing Portal 2 for the PS3

  • "The Call of Duty franchise is a FORCE of nature. I think it is the closest thing this generation has to a Star Wars." - Grand Moff Eric Hirshberg, while promoting Black Ops.

  • "Story in a game is like a story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important." - John Carmack, during his days of Doom.

  • [Translation]"The games industry needs more women who are designers and artists, so they can make better games for women; but not programmers, because as you know, women’s brains are not good at that” - Bertrand Chaverot, Ubisoft São Paulo

  • "I consider myself an OG gamer, and to be chosen as the first hip hop artist to appear in Rock Band...well,it doesn't get any better than that, ya dig ?!? I know my fans gonna get down with tha Pound with this one and tha youngsters really gonna realize who started this gamer ish. u hear me ?!?" - Snoop Dogg

  • "Yo, there's no nudity in video games.<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsTwNeoZB_w" target="_blank">They're not real people.</a>"

  • When asked what's the biggest problem with current generation games, 2K's Denby Grace responded with "An obsession with gay space marines."

  • "Halo did an awesome job of building a first-person shooter exclusively for the console, and now hardly anyone plays first person shooters on the PC anymore. It’s all about the console." - Kudo Tsunoda, also of "BAM there it is" fame

  • - On making games: "We have a real culture of thrift. The goal that I had in bringing a lot of the packaged goods folks into Activision about 10 years ago was to take all the fun out of making video games."

    <br /><br /> - On EA's new direction: "The thing is, it doesn’t work that way – you can’t be a floor wax and then decide that you’re going to become a dessert topping.”

    <br /><br /> - On StarCraft II's Cutscenes: "If we were to take that hour, or hour and a half, take it out of the game, and we were to go to our audiences for whom we have their credit card information as well as a direct relationship and ask, 'Would you like to have the StarCraft movie?', my guess is that ... you'd have the biggest opening weekend of any film ever."

  • Speaking about Call of Duty: "And all I want to do, if you will, is to have them rot from the core."

  • EA's corporate spokesperson Jeff Brown decided to further this one-sided catfight: "Last year Activision had a 90 share in the shooter category. This year, Battlefield 3 is going to take you down to 60 or 70. At that rate, you'll be out of the category in 2-3 years. If you don't believe me, go to the store and try to buy a copy of Guitar Hero or Tony Hawk."

  • "Being based on history, the stages of the game will also be based on famous battles which ACTUALLY took place in ancient Japan."

    <br /><br/>"A lot of great new features with this game. Features as real time...weapon change."

    <br /><br />"So here's this GIANT ENEMY CRAB...what I'll do is use Benkei here...to flip over this crab on its back... and you attack its weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE" - Bill Ritch, 2006 E3 Sony Conference <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g1fr5vk72M" target="_blank">[YouTube Mix] </a>

  • "Dude Kratos would have a FUCKALITY and fuck the SHIT out of Sonya AND Katana at the same motherfucking TIME!!!! :)" - David Jaffe, a poet and a motherfucking scholar.

  • "She doesn’t need to use her body to get what she wants...she's got yours" - An old magazine ad, putting a decidedly dominatrix twist on SHODAN.

  • "We're not in Azeroth anymore" - Wow, gotta admire their irreverence.

  • "It's revolting. It's violent. It's everything you love in a game. And you mom is going to hate it." - EA. As it turns out, moms actually laugh at this game: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jC-PlmTUf4" target="_blank">[YouTube Link]</a>

  • "We want to make players open their minds because we believe that the new-gen isn’t just about better graphics. But the gaming has to step up and go into a new direction. If we don’t do that, we’ll go out of business." – Ulf Andersson of the erstwhile GRIN Studios. This is really sad 'cause I genuinely enjoyed this game:(

  • Jack Tretton on Nintendo handhelds: "Our view of the 'Game Boy experience' is that it's a great babysitting tool, something young kids do on airplanes, but no self-respecting twenty-something is going to be sitting on an airplane with one of those. He's too old for that."

  • <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZssrLjWXCcg">"Strap it on. Holiday 2011"</a>

  • "I think that the Super Mario song should be the national anthem for Japan. So when someone wins a gold medal at the Olympics, a Japanese athlete, the flag should go up with the theme song. Shoop!"

  • Let's go back in time with Ubisoft's Aaron Priceman aka Mr. Caffeine: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecffZBdhAUU"> Doodley doodley doop</a>

    <br><br>"Today,97% of young people play video games. 40% of them are women. And 89% of them are smoking hot. I know this, I've investigated. Now this has made a whole new group of pick-up lines available. I'm sure you guys know like...wanna come over and play my Wii? We should kinect! And thanks to the Sony Move, here - hold my joy-wand. Yes, I'm not afraid of a few dick jokes."

  • “Holy crap, I am going to make a boatload of cash of this game. I mean that’s what this is all about, right? If this thing comes out in the summer my wife is totally getting the tit job she’s been asking for.” - Fork Parker, CFO Devolver Digital

  • "Our game was hugely pirated - we don't fucking care" - Team Meat (Tommy Refenes and Edmund McMillen)