Dumbest way(s) you've injured yourself

Have you ever injured yourself doing something dumb or something that you wouldn't get harmed doing? 
 
Yesterday I got my upper lip stuck on an ice cream scoop and had to rip it off, resulting in a sizable chunk of skin coming off my lip.

Kinda guy related but it happened today, zippered up my fly too quick and it hurt.  Stung like hell. 
 
When I was younger, I hit myself with my own hockey stick and almost knocked myself out.

I once stomped on a harmless looking stick on the ground. It flipped around and stabbed me in the leg. It's been 15 years. I still have the scar. :(

Standing on the headboard of my bed to try and kill a spider. I lost balance, fell diagonally and had a big bruise line down the top part of my right arm and down my right leg.

i jumped off the edge of the cradle in goldeneye,you know we gamers dont get any excercise.
 
 
no,actually on:(ce i was  practicing my long-jumping,and i jumped off the couch and hit the ceiling....it hurt

Broke my leg the other week, playing piggie in the middle. Not even joking. Just as summer started as well. I'm bored out of my brain, theres only so much pokemon and fire emblem one can play.

When I was younger I was riding my bike and hit the edge of the sidewalk which resulted in my chest going into the bike handles. It hurt a lot and I have never forgotten that day lol.

I was at work fixing a pin jam and I moved the distributor on the machine to move the pin. Being the smart individual I am, I didn't keep it in place. When I got the pin unstuck and the distributor flew back and smacked my hand. It cut really deep into my finger. It bleed for a few days. And when I thought I got it to stop, it got infected. It was a great injury. My boss made fun of me for a few weeks.

Playing goalie in a soccer game when I was nine. Kid wound up for a kick a couple feet away from me, I went for a block, and ended up blocking his foot. He did some sort of weird half-flip onto his face, and I think it would have looked rather streetfighter-esque if it hadn't broken my wrist. 
 
Oh and protip, if you think you might have a broken wrist, don't keep playing till the end of the game.

I ran eye first into a branch that I apparently didn't see. Thankfully it was not a sharp branch.

Ran into a wall playing hide and seek in the dark.  Broke my foot in 3 places.  On top of that I'm 21 yrs old which makes it that much more pitiful.  On the bright side, I now know that I am officially too old to play hide and seek.

My little brother once nearly knocked himself unconscious by just falling over. When we asked what he was doing, he replied, "I was trying to walk without using my legs." 

" @ISuperGamerI:   I had one similar to that. I rode my bike pretty fast into a railing by the side of the road. I went crotch first into the handlebar stem. Hurt. Like. Hell. I was doubled over  in agony, while my friend laughed his arse off. Git.  "

I kicked a bag on the grass, thinking it was empty, with full force only to find out there was a brick inside it.

While I was running I bent over to tie my shoelaces and hurt my back muscles somehow. Really stupid.

A couple months ago I walked straight into my laundry basket because I wasn't paying attention.  The basket had unreasonably sharp grooves in it that sliced most of the skin off of my toes and forced me to wear sandals for a few weeks.  My only excuse is that it was pretty dark.

Poured rubbing alcohol in my ear.  That was a week ago.  I'm smart like that.

Rode down our driveway on a little tiny children's scooter when I was in first grade or so. Unfortunately the wheels were so low to the ground it couldn't clear the curb, so the scooter got caught on the cure and stopped moving. I did not. Faceplanted onto the asphalt with a couple friends watching. Still have some scars from it.
 
However, I had made some sort of deal with my mom where I did something for her for x amount of days (don't remember what it was), and then I got this sweet power rangers action figure I really wanted. She felt so sorry for me I got it that day :D

I jumped off a wall, didn't land correctly and hurt my ankle. I couldn't walk correctly for a bit :P
Also i had some Osgood Schlatter thing for a bit. Now THAT hurt like a M'fer.

I tied a chainsaw to my arm and wanted to see if they would fuse into one. They didn't. They did anything but that.

Not me but a friend has a scar on his forehead that he got while racing his brother to the lady to get free cookies. I laughed hard!

I was in the middle of jacking off when I saw the UPS truck coming out of the corner of my mostly drawn blinds. The doorbell rang, I pulled on some pants, took off sprinting. Foot slammed into a doorframe breaking two toes (no-rostbeef and pinky toe)  and resulting in a pretty fair amount of blood.

I once threw a glass bottle at a rock and a piece came flying back slicing open my thumb. I now have a scar that reminds me of how stupid I was.

I was doing a relay where you had to weave in and out of stuff and on the last one i tripped over my own legs (i'm 6'2) and landed on my wrist on the gym floor when I was in high school. Didn't seem like it was anything but I ended up breaking the smallest bone in the wrist and got a cast all the way up my entire arm....for 10 weeks.

" Ran into a wall playing hide and seek in the dark.  "

I bent over to pick up a toy Laser gun once and a thin shelf holder stabbed me in the eye.  Because it was thin and metal, I looked right past it and leaned into it full force.  Then I jerked up and sliced my eye lid in half.  
 
I was about 11.  Ambulance came and took to the hospital.  Got to have eye surgery, stitches, and an eye patch for almost a month.  Have a white scar across my left eyeball, but the one on my eye lid is barely noticeable.  It cut into the white of my eye, so I can see fine.  
 
 
Also, lol, once I jumped backwards.  Pretending to be shot and landed on my left arm.  Breaking it in 3 places.  Had to wear a cast for a while and to this day, my left arm is smaller than the right. 
 
I could go on...  LOL!

Do you people know what "schadenfreude" is? Because I'm experiencing it pretty well in this thread.

Tried riding down a steep hill on a skateboard while lying on it and I crashed and got road rash on my right leg.

Errr ran into a glass door and broke my nose I guess, I gave it some force. 
And I broke my collar bone this time last year...playing footy, went up for a header and both collided and both fell and both broke our collar bones. :/ 
Ooo I just read one about a scar, In secondary in english I was sharpening a pencil loads with the blade from a broken sharpener, and I sneezed and cut my finger, cut was huge, I went to the hospital 4 days after when it showed no signs of healing and I was told I should've came earlier for stitches, so I left it and now it's a horrible scar. ><

Sleeping is a pretty dumb way to hurt yourself. A couple times I've slept and woke up with like a pinched nerve in my neck, and my head was turned to the side and I couldn't turn it straight and it was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced and lasted for days. 
 
I remember one time when I was like 12, there was this huge spider on its web hanging from the cable line in my backyard. I went for the nearest tool I could find to take it down and kill it. So I grabbed the hose with the sprinkler attachment on it and was going to swing it to knock down the web and stomp on the spider. Well... I swung it, and the sprinkler came back down and nailed me in the head. I bet that spider was laughing hysterically.

" Do you people know what "schadenfreude" is? Because I'm experiencing it pretty well in this thread. "

Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.

" @eroticfishcake said:

" Do you people know what "schadenfreude" is? Because I'm experiencing it pretty well in this thread. "

I didn't until I googled it. This little tidbit stuck out to me as being very interesting as I have always delighted in the misfortune of others. So much so that even the littlest of injuries could set me off into a fit of hysterical laughter .  
 

Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.

"

When I was 9 years old I put a ketchup bottle on a frying pan which was one the stove, I presumed the stove wasn't on. I was sadly mistaken, when I noticed smoke coming from the ketchup bottle I quickly tried to lift it off, only the plastic had melted. When I saw the ketchup/molten plastic dropping on the floor my reaction was to try and catch the sludge with my hand to protect the floor, I burned my hand badly and had to go to the emergency room. I still have scars from that incident.

A couple years ago I was trying to get some frozen hotdogs apart, the butter knife I was using wasn't working so I went for the biggest knife we had. Well the knife slipped and I stabbed myself in the webbing between my thumb and index finger. Unbeknownst to me, the human body has an artery in that exact spot. T'was a mess. Didn't get my hotdogs.

This is a two-part story.  Both parts are equally dumb, but I'll leave it up to you to decide which one qualifies me more for a Darwin award.  
 
About nine years ago, I came out of a bar stone sober.  It was the only place open late enough for me to study deep into the morning hours, and all I had to drink was coffee, water, and Pepsi.  The landing to the bar had three steps.  I completely missed the first step and failed completely at a Superman impression.  I ended up fracturing my big toe, which I pretty much scoffed at and decided that I'd not visit a doctor.  It did eventually heal, but for a time after, my toe had a strange click to it when I put weight down on it. 
 
Cue the second part of my dumb story.  A year and a half later, I was out and about, and grew irritated with my toe's click.  Again, poor college student, couldn't afford to go see a doc, so I decide, "Hey, I'm a tough bastard, I can fix this myself!"  Dumb fucking mistake.  I bought a bottle of Jager, some gauze, thick Popsicle stick-type things, and some industrial tape.  In my dorm room, I had a thick brick wall.  I got piss drunk, prepared a makshift bandage and kit, and decided to rebreak my toe by kicking the wall as hard as I possibly could with just my big toe.  It took three kicks, but that fucker rebroke alright.  I wrapped up the toe as best as I could, set it, and taped it as neatly as I could with that much liquor in me. 
 
The fucked up part is that it kinda worked.  The toe is a little crooked these days, but it doesn't click.  Still, that was the most amount of pain I've ever put myself through on purpose, and I never intend on doing it again.  Kids, don't be tools.  Even if you don't have the money, go see a goddamn doctor.

One time in college I jumped off a rooftop wearing very thin soled shoes.  Suffered dual contusions / bone bruises on both heels and couldn't walk for three or four days.  Yep.  I was drinking heavily at the time and our sport of "urban exploring" was incredibly short lived.

Jiu Jitsu on carpet. What good was ever going to come of it?

It's always bunk beds for me. I've broken my arm twice because of those amongst other injuries. Oh, and I rode my bike into a door when I was a kid. I guess I'm just pretty clumsy!

I was watching CNN Newsroom with Rick Sanchez (as it was known as back then) when his segment called "Los Fotos del Dia" came on. I thought this was a good time to go grab a Cola so I got up. In the process of standing up I struck the arm of the sofa (it was wooden) and sprained my wrist.

I jumped off my bed and landed on the top of a radiator and cut my chin open. Lol.

I tried to get the hairs off a razor blade. With my thumb. Took it a few weeks to recover from that one.