Is the Internet Only for Dating?

Let me describe my experience with people over the internet...

1 : You meet people in games and have a good time enjoying each others company. You can either add them to your friends list or end it there. Adding them mostlikely ends with both of you never talking or playing widely different games and in the end, you remove each other because you never talked.

2 : You join a gaming group, you talk but you never play, you never add eachother.

3 : You try to talk to people online in groups made for just talking, however nobody adds eachother unless they're the perfect person for them or an ideal partner.

I'm not sure how to describe my experience in words but it seems to have gotten harder to create long-lasting relations over the internet, i feel like it was alot easier 10years ago.

While I disagree that the internet is only for dating, I have noticed that since the xbox 360 came out the online scene across consoles and pc seem to have taken a nosedive.

My guess is that people have been growing up and getting more involved in their lives offline, I know it happened to me.

No, it's for porn. Please.

Relationships are just real life porn anyway.

And.. And... -Breaks down crying.-

I think the biggest thing is the lack of emphasis on community owned dedicated servers. Its becoming a rare feature in most games as matchmaking has become the norm. But you can go back to games like CS:S and see that there are still some small communities of gamerdads there that wouldn't trade their community for anything.

@do_the_manta_ray: ???

@ketta i feel like it's very hard to breakthrough to people these days, online seems more like something that's not part of our daily lives in any real sense, just a place to vent off steam and not bother with the people on the other side. I bet they're still people playing CS 1.6 right now, but how long can such a community last without new blood?

@angryhobo321 Don't you meet anybody anymore that you'd want to stay in touch with?

I work remotely from home as a game developer who as a wife (and a dog) so I am not really in the market for "dating" or anything and have noticed that trend specially on overwatch where you do great in a game so you add but for one reason or another you just don't mesh and it's a kick off the friends list. It's painful.

When overwatch first released they had prefer and avoid this player where you could get to know people a bit more without making a full commitment. It looked like a great way to kind of keep a good community of great semi-random* people. Of course people were so good that others simply would avoid those people in order to win more but I think if you didn't throw it away entirely you could just make it so these people can only do that if they are on your team or if you win and they are on the other team. There are clearly ways to retry this system and I hope they come back to it or someone else picks it up.

*Semi-random people being a thing we should really focus more with multiplayer games. People are less jerks if they know they will probably play with these people again or see them again. I grew up in greater seattle and I could probably remember a couple of faces even today if I got on a metro buses. You know these people will be here tomorrow and the next day. Adding more of that to multiplayer games would be interesting at the least.

Of course not, the internet is for porn.

I know I used to make friendships with strangers over the internet with 0 problems in my early teens, but now I'm 27 and can barely bring myself to post in forums (which somewhat has to do with fear of big data and my stupid posts being on the internet forever). I also clam up when a friend brings someone I'm not familiar with into our discord.

As for the general population, I'd chalk it up to just the average age of gamers getting older. Maybe getting to know strangers over the internet loses its novelty or people just have less time for others they'll never meet in person. I guess the appeal of meeting your soul mate through a video game has never lost its appeal though.

Either way, I have definitely observed the trend you are talking about.

I met my ladyfriend on the internet! So it's at least good for that.

But I've definitely become more reticent with posting/making friends on the internet. We're probably in a weird transitory phase between the internet being something you had to tie up your home phone line to access and something that's really 24/7 available through eyeball implants or something. We are probably the last generation for whom the concept of "disconnection" is even viable. It's unthinkable for us to drive around without GPS maps; our kids will probably have a hard time even conceiving of breathing or walking down the street without their feeds popping out information.

The Internet, like video games, has grown from a niche product to something that is a part of mainstream culture. Enthusiastic and social video game players still exist, it's just that the crowd size has grown so exponentially large that you have to sift through more people to find what you're looking for. With the growth of mobile games, MOBAs, free to play games, etc., doesn't mean there are less niche or hardcore games like Dwarf Fortress and Elite Dangerous, you just have to dig deeper to find the things you want. There are millions more messages boards than there were 10-15 years ago, and more communities spread across different Discord servers, Twitch App communities, built-in clans in games, group chats, Facebook Groups, and others.

What I found is that you have to put in more effort to find the type of people you're looking for. Be assertive about the things that you want, and take initiative when you meet new people. Don't always expect players in a group or clan to message you first, asking if you want to join them. If you're looking for other playmates, message anyone who interests you, then sort them out and build up friendships afterwards if they click with you.

One reason why some people are less forthcoming about forming new relationships, is that since there are so many communities out there now, a lot of people have already found a clique they're comfortable in. So those people are less compelled to talk to strangers. You might end up doing the same thing too, after you've found a circle of friends you're happy with. But in the meantime, you just have to keep looking, and look harder. Don't let failures discourage you from trying to meet new people.

The Internet, a masterfully simple connection of network devices scaled out to monstrous size built on standards that let them communicate in numberless ways with one another has morphed into mankind's single greatest storehouse of knowledge and planet-shrinking communication tool, but yes it's actually really bad for meeting people randomly.

The Internet is walking down the street of the biggest and busiest city on the planet - if you walk up to random strangers they will probably have rude things to say to you, unless of course you walk up to strangers in places designated as places to meet strangers and get to know them

@mjbrune: Are you a wife and a dog? or a wifedog? They had a similar system in xbox 360, where you would give eachother reviews, a 5 star system, if you gave a low score you would be less likely to enter the same game with that person again.

@rorie But even with the internet, people still ask question that google could answer in a second, still post and make youtube videos about things that can easily be answered in seconds, that used to be a big icebreaker, just asking a question but why ask when you can get the right answer immediately? yet people still do. I'm thinking, how much information is viable for you to receive? You're talking about a future, where "always online" is what comes with your new born child's manual. But do imagine a future where you don't have to work is a part of your daily life. Why do you need to work when a robotman can do everything you can do without needing to sleep, eat, or take breaks? Atleast by then, we could have friends and partners in the form of machines, a family of synthetic humans and organic humans. But would that change anything beneath the surface?

Well, internet is for RESEARCH PURPOSES. :)

@beanswater: Dunno, even in those sorts of places, it seems that it's either bang or gtfo.

@rikiguitarist: sounds like something out of a self-help book.

THIS IS 100% TRUE.

I have made many friends online over the years due to dedicated servers on games. Wolfenstein: ET, Mount and Blade: Warband, CS:S. Online custom games on Halo 3 too. Not too many games foster those sorts of communities these days and I think it has to do with progression systems that plague games. People aren't playing anymore to just have fun with a game and other people, they just want the numbers to go up.

This is what I mostly run into. Playing video games can be an expensive hobby. I know I can't always afford the latest hottest. Sometimes it feels like you just get left behind. Which will invariably lead to 2 and 3 on the list. To me it feels like all parties involved cannot or will not compromise to make time one way or another.

So I just end up posting in forums.

I know what you mean but I was also a kid 10 years ago. It was easier to make friends online when I was younger. Now I don't even accept any friend requests anymore.

Internet is for jerks.

Yeah pretty much this.

In Jr. High, I met most of my real life friends playing Halo and CoD4 on Xbox LIVE, then being introduced to them at school. They became my close friends and we hung out all through high school. Occasionally, we'd meet a random person who would be amused by our teamkilling antics in CoD and join us for a few days, but that was pretty much it. Now that I'm an adult, my friends lists are usually like 2-3 people tops and I never chat in public game lobbies. Most of my friends don't game at this point, and I lost my interest in most multiplayer games years ago.

Seems like you've become more introverted and apathetic as you got older.

This is a future that is simultaneously terrifying and appealing. Definitely a nightmare I could learn to love/hate/fear.

This thread is appealing to my cyberpunk interests

I've met plenty of people online, between 2010-2013 I built a core group of dudes over the internet that I still hang out with. The thing that happened after that is that every new relationship I built online had to take a back seat to the core group if they didn't immediately integrate, so I just don't put in the effort to keep them going anymore. It's pretty much all on me that I'm not making many new online friends.

The system of connecting with people over the internet is still all there, and I actually think it's fairly easy to do through games. Nothing's changed that drastically. But maybe I'm an outlier with that opinion.

I sort of felt it was harder these days than previously until I jumped in with the GB FGC. I don't play with them because they're all from EU or US and I'm from AU but I will always engage in a healthy amount of shit talk with them almost every day. This only happened last year with the release of SFV so I would just say the climate has changed.

That being said, I do think that games fail to foster community driven play now. Everything is so controlled by the developers/publishers that people can't set their own environment that they wish to build up with other people. I find that to be a real shame.

You'd think that with all the "social" functionality developers and console makers see fit to cram into their products we'd all be one big family by now. Anyway, I too lament the rarity of community servers nowadays. With them you could relatively easily find people with just the right skill and attitude to enjoy a game.

Discord has been the revival of a lot of this for me.

I moderate a fairly large flightsim community and Discord has been a major boon in helping folks link up and develop a sense of camaraderie/play more often. Also let's us keep in touch easily when we're not playing. I'm sure any of the alternatives would do the job just as well, of course.

@dudeglove: Isn't price dead?

@mmmslash: Discord for me has just been another platform, not too different. Altho alot of smaller communities for decade old games are alot better on discord than they were in the past, in the sense that it's alot easier to get a hold of people these days. Funny thing is, those communities with the least members are also those that are the most welcoming, goes back to what another duder said, you'll meet these people everyday, it's beneficial to get along. I'd say most of my discord time has been a failure to get any new friends.

@gunflame88: I feel like that was true for me 3years ago but when i go on those servers now, it's mostly filled with griefers and shittalkers.

@ivdamke: I don't understand any of those acronyms... Maybe it's also because alot of franchises have more sequels and alot sooner than previous, now we're getting a COD game every year, a new halo every second year or so. I'm not saying that all companies need to be like Valve and only make a new game every half decade but what do you do if the next halo doesn't appeal to you and what if you just fell off the whole console gaming thing?

@tuxedocruise:I can personally say that i've been the direct opposite of what you're describing.

Nope! He survived at the end of MW3.

@vampire_chibi: GB FGC is the Giant Bomb Fighting Game Community, started out as a Fighting Game exclusive thing but we generally talk about anything at this point mostly pertaining to the games industry. And to your second part, I don't particularly like the new Street Fighter, I take a lot of issue with it but that doesn't mean I have to stop conversing with the people that do or stop playing it entirely.

To me it's more about finding a common ground with other people to be part of a community and not really the games themselves. I'm not overly concerned with having to play or be playing the same games with them all the time. Sometimes I do and that's great but every other time who cares it doesn't really matter to me I'll talk to those people anyway.

Thinking about it all the people I've met online in the past few months and they have definitely been relationships that at least had a sexual component (though usually not a romantic one). That's probably because of all the nudes I've started posting post-transition though and like, being more confidant sexually in general.

But also I guess I just don't play online games anymore anyway? I don't really have the time or energy for grouping up with folks to play a game nowadays. Like, I'm growing up and I have responsibilities. I usually just want to sit with something that like, actually says something. Dedicate my time to something really worthwhile, y'know? And playing a game with some friends doesn't really do that for me.

And then there's all the younger kids starting to play things online and it feels like so many of them only play like one game with a core group of friends they know from school?

I dunno I'm just rambling.

Isn't he the only character that survived that whole series?

EDIT: To post something on topic, I don't know where "only for dating" would come from. I must admit I'm kinda confused anyway - are you looking for a community of friends over the internet that are interested in being friends and not in being romantic partners? Are you only talking about the internet in a social context? Because the internet is primarily thought of as a social tool by most people these days, but it's useful for so many other things.

As far as social gaming, goes, dedicated servers have already been mentioned. Server browsers make it hard to get into a game initially, but once you've become a regular on a server that has several other regulars, you can find build some good friendships. CS:GO and TF2 both have dedicated servers, but it's so much easier to just click on Matchmaking and be in a game in minutes in those games. Great for business, great for accessibility, bad for building an actual community.

I still know plenty of people who play in groups and are having a fun time, without being this perfect made-for-each-other group of folks, as far as I know. Sadly my own interest in playing online has been kinda dead since the days of Unreal Tournament 2004, with only some occasional revivals like Destiny and Overwatch. I've tried to get myself involved with some of the GB communities online, but since my interest towards games these days is like a rollercoaster, it's not easy to stick to just one game, unless it happens to do something very special to get me hooked.

I made more friends on the internet in 2005 than in 2017 but part of that is down to me & my own choices, I'm not out there trying to broaden my social circle really, I'm in my 30s now, new acquaintances end up just being awkward. Despite that I've still had a few folk from the Twitter dot com who I'd not feel awkward calling friends. Except to my mum. Talking about making real life friends on the internet to her has somehow never been easy. Yon older generation don't really get it.

But sure. I'd put it more down to the decline of the noble forum than people looking for the perfect person. Forums were great places for that sort of thing in a way that social media where you choose who to follow in the first place can't be, and that places like Reddit & Chans just aren't. Not to say people haven't become chummy through Reddit, I'm sure they have.

Supposedly the Internet was for curing cancer. Most it's for pornography. Lots and lots of pornography.

Looking at peoples responses here either Internet has changed or our view upon it as we age. I as well met great people when I was younger through online games (Original UT, Raven Shield, Swat 3 era) and I still stay in touch with couple of them. But as I've gotten older it has become more and more difficult to get involved in communities around games despite I still play them way too much. I just find it somehow cumbersome to try to get deeper in online communities as I feel just being too old (mid 30s). And it's so much more easier just to poke at stuff from the side.

And of course most of the Internet is full of jerks.

Is the internet for anime then?

I feel like "making internet friends" have always been the exception rather than the norm and that might just be because of the genres of the games I played. Like for example, most of the internet/gaming people I still talk to were either from mmo's or streaming but I never bonded with anyone over playing Diablo 1/2 or Warcraft 3 UMS games back in the days. But I do agree that games' friends list these days are about as close of a friend you get to a facebook friend. Or it's more of a means to an ends. Like adding "friends" for your games on 3DS or mobile games so you can get perks because there are bonuses implemented for having friends. Or having weird european users add you on steam because they really want that one dota item you got from years ago that is now apparently rare.

Edit: Also, did anyone say cats yet? Because the internet is for all mediums cat related

@rorie: Watch_Dogs

If we're talking about playing games with organized groups of people you met on the internet, I played a decent amount of Monster Hunter Generations with some GB folks and that was pretty fun... but that's basically the exception rather than the rule. I have a hard enough time trying to organize games with my real life friends, so adding a layer of semi-anonymity and the awkwardness of having to call someone "SmokeDawg420" over discord voice chat is usually enough to scare me away.

That said, if we're talking about friends I've met on the internet, yeah, I have a couple of "internet friends" I chat with on a fairly regular basis. Weirdly enough, I don't think I've ever played any games with them.

Internet is where you can be a jerk or not be a jerk to someone and be real or fake in life.

@arbitrarywater: The friends i've gotten over the internet; we used over gamertag/steamtag when we refer to reach other, it's just more natural to us.

@lanechanger: I don't think i've ever cared about friendlists in RTS games, maybe it's because you're so distant from the person you're playing against? In FPS games, you have a personification of your combatant but not in RTS games. Moba's seemed to have solved that issue by being player focused.

@nicolenomicon: post-transition?

Also hamburgers.

The wild west that was the internet as we knew it is over. It's now a totally known quantity with very little warmth that we take for granted, which isn't a slight on humanity per se it's just the way things go. It's the same trajectory other major cultural x technological advancement have taken.

I'm a web developer and I honestly think it's reached peak innovation. Sure it'll get faster and services more efficient but the design language (ux principals, aesthetics etc) of the web has reached it's limit due to a multitude of factors, with moneyed interests by corporations (particularly in the last half decade) being number one. Your interactions with the internet are no longer sporadic and exciting - they're now wholly curated experiences following design patterns used by everyone else. This has made the internet feel cold and boring, and who wants to meet new people in an environment like that? I'm happy to be proven wrong but the excitement of being interconnected with people globally and the innovations in design which lead from that died years ago.

Some light reading which might contextualise your feelings a little - http://www.e-flux.com/journal/49/60004/too-much-world-is-the-internet-dead/

@vampire_chibi: I'm transgender.

@nicolenomicon: ah

@mikachops:If anything the newer designs make it easier to use the web and yeah the fact that we have a much more reliable web than ages ago is helping but i dunno if that's what's holding us back.

The internet was built for the sole purpose of meme warfare and the hottest of takes.

hahahah XD you pretty much summarized everything about internet.

For topic's sake, Internet is not made ONLY for dating. Dating is just a part of social culture. In my town, you don't take a random girl in a date using/through internet. We pretty much go and send love letters back in my days. We had "pen pals" not "chatmates". Now, modern technology changed it all the way.