On the Various Kinds of Engineers

I, by training, creed and practice, am a chemical engineer. And in so being, I have developed a loathing for all other "engineers" who attempt to lay claim to the profession. Not really, but still, there are certainly broad stereotypes that I've noticed which are pretty comical. I've decided to construct this handy list so that all you non-engineers out there can tell some of us apart with just a few, simple tips:
 

CHEMICAL ENGINEERS (the best engineers)

• We're (usually) the only engineers who will ever talk about chemistry in any appreciable way. This gets muddy when biochemical engineers and material science engineers start getting in the mix, but those guys are nerds, who cares about them anyway.
• We're the highest paid, so we have the best clothes.
• We're the handsomest ones.
• ChEs are pretty good about talking about all fields of engineers, not in any great depth, but they have good grasps on a lot of different branches. We can talk "shop" about mechanical engineering, controls engineering, civil engineering, electrical engineering (sometimes), material science engineering, and so on. Just don't ask us detailed questions or we'll run away.
• ALPHA VERSION: Alpha ChEs aren't ChE's at all, usually. They're typically highly specialized lab scientists from fields like chemistry, biology, physics, etc. All research done in engineering is so advanced now that the amount of theoretical training you need is through the roof; that's why you need to be a heavy academic (read, "lab nerd") to be an Alpha.
• PROTIP: ChEs absolutely LOVE terms like "CSTR", "PFR", "batch reactor", "stripping (or) rectifying", and "mass transfer". Try yelling them at parties to see who looks at you. Just keep in mind that saying these terms might give you false positives from other disciplines, since the terms are inter-disciplinary. Just in general, though, ChEs have a thing for them more than most.
  

MECHANICAL ENGINEERS (the grunts)

• MechEs are the guys that actually know what's going on at any kind of industrial plant. If you find a pump or something and you don't know how it works, 9 times out of 10, a MechE will come running up and give you the info.
• NEVER EVER ask MechEs about their god-damn cars. Nothing good results from this. They will NEVER shut up if you get them started.
• MechEs stole the fields of combustion and paper-making from ChEs, the dirty rat bastards, so if you hear anybody talking about these two fields, it's a good bet they're MechE thieves.                                                                                                                                                                           
  
• ALPHA VERSION: Sometimes you'll find a MechE that doesn't talk about his car, but instead talks about microelectronic fabrication, or prototype rocket designs, or MEM Structures, or nano-robots. These types of "high thought" MechEs are rare (since remember, they're grunts) so pay attention if you meet one. It's kind of like how orcs sometimes have orc shamans that lead them; these guys know a bunch of mystical guru-science that you can't hope to comprehend.
  
• PROTIP: MechEs LOVE the phrases "stress", "strain", "shear", and "Young's Modulus". Try shouting these terms around, and see who turns their heads.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS (the hackers)

• The Tesla Disciple is one who loves running cables, setting up big wiring systems, making amateur lightning coils, creating wild little robots, and generally doing shit you can actually see IRL. Never EVER become room-mates with a Tesla Disciple, because he/she WILL put your life in danger.
  
• The Matrix Jacker is a code monkey, who lives in front of a computer screen. He'll slave away for weeks and weeks, and then suddenly jump up and scream "HELL YES IT WORKS, I'M THE BEST" and run around like an idiot. You won't know what he did, and if you sat down in front of the computer and tried to figure it out, you still wouldn't know. But damn if he isn't happy about it.                          
  
• All EEs are the nerdiest looking of all engineers. Hands down.
  
• All EE clans also, for some entirely inexplicable reason, can instantly recognize and shun an outsider engineer.
  
• ALPHA VERSION: Elite EEs are terrifying. Again, they tend to be heavily cross-disciplined, but they just KNOW things they shouldn't know. You'll find Alpha EEs that are world-class chemists, and some that are god-damn structural engineers making little tiny fucking cities on a microchip, and doing circuits with them and shit. It makes no sense.
• PROTIP: Good phrases for rooting out EEs are the following: "Ohm's Law", "Plasma Etching", "Signals", "Bode Plots", "SOI process flow", "fucking transistors, how do they work?", and "electron migration".

CIVIL ENGINEERS (the do-gooders)

• There's two kinds of CivEs: the Brunel, and the Green Knight.

• The Brunel is one who likes to build things. Big fuckin' things. Things like skyscrapers and bridges and tunnels and such. These guys can be pretty intense because the amount of pressure on a Brunel is HUGE (I mean, what if that bridge goes all Tacoma Narrows on you? Guess who's fired? And sued? YOU.)
• The Green Knight is concerned about the environment and wants to protect Mother Earth. The Green Knights tend to start off really optimistic about their careers and idealistic about how they can help the world, but a few years in college (or even better, actual work) tends to crush these notions. The fact that it costs hella bank to protect the environment is a big turnoff for most of them, but a brave few actually suffer through the economics and end up becoming very successful. Green Knights are pretty easy-going (as long as you don't litter in front of them).
• ALPHA VERSION: Alpha CivEs are generally pretty rad. They're smart as hell but pretty laid back about it. The Brunels, again, can be a little more uptight than the Green Knights, but in general both types are chill. The best of them tend to be microbiologist specialists who look at little bugs all day and figure out how they eat, grow, rail, and so forth. They basically play Spore non-stop in real life, so yeah, they're cool.
• PROTIP: Terms like "wastewater treatment", "sanitation", "trusses", "structural reinforcement", "water quality", "air quality", and "suspension bridges" tend to lure out CivEs. There can be significant cross-contamination of MechEs, though, if you're looking for Brunels, so watch out for that.

I, by training, creed and practice, am a chemical engineer. And in so being, I have developed a loathing for all other "engineers" who attempt to lay claim to the profession. Not really, but still, there are certainly broad stereotypes that I've noticed which are pretty comical. I've decided to construct this handy list so that all you non-engineers out there can tell some of us apart with just a few, simple tips:
 

CHEMICAL ENGINEERS (the best engineers)

• We're (usually) the only engineers who will ever talk about chemistry in any appreciable way. This gets muddy when biochemical engineers and material science engineers start getting in the mix, but those guys are nerds, who cares about them anyway.
• We're the highest paid, so we have the best clothes.
• We're the handsomest ones.
• ChEs are pretty good about talking about all fields of engineers, not in any great depth, but they have good grasps on a lot of different branches. We can talk "shop" about mechanical engineering, controls engineering, civil engineering, electrical engineering (sometimes), material science engineering, and so on. Just don't ask us detailed questions or we'll run away.
• ALPHA VERSION: Alpha ChEs aren't ChE's at all, usually. They're typically highly specialized lab scientists from fields like chemistry, biology, physics, etc. All research done in engineering is so advanced now that the amount of theoretical training you need is through the roof; that's why you need to be a heavy academic (read, "lab nerd") to be an Alpha.
• PROTIP: ChEs absolutely LOVE terms like "CSTR", "PFR", "batch reactor", "stripping (or) rectifying", and "mass transfer". Try yelling them at parties to see who looks at you. Just keep in mind that saying these terms might give you false positives from other disciplines, since the terms are inter-disciplinary. Just in general, though, ChEs have a thing for them more than most.
  

MECHANICAL ENGINEERS (the grunts)

• MechEs are the guys that actually know what's going on at any kind of industrial plant. If you find a pump or something and you don't know how it works, 9 times out of 10, a MechE will come running up and give you the info.
• NEVER EVER ask MechEs about their god-damn cars. Nothing good results from this. They will NEVER shut up if you get them started.
• MechEs stole the fields of combustion and paper-making from ChEs, the dirty rat bastards, so if you hear anybody talking about these two fields, it's a good bet they're MechE thieves.                                                                                                                                                                           
  
• ALPHA VERSION: Sometimes you'll find a MechE that doesn't talk about his car, but instead talks about microelectronic fabrication, or prototype rocket designs, or MEM Structures, or nano-robots. These types of "high thought" MechEs are rare (since remember, they're grunts) so pay attention if you meet one. It's kind of like how orcs sometimes have orc shamans that lead them; these guys know a bunch of mystical guru-science that you can't hope to comprehend.
  
• PROTIP: MechEs LOVE the phrases "stress", "strain", "shear", and "Young's Modulus". Try shouting these terms around, and see who turns their heads.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS (the hackers)

• The Tesla Disciple is one who loves running cables, setting up big wiring systems, making amateur lightning coils, creating wild little robots, and generally doing shit you can actually see IRL. Never EVER become room-mates with a Tesla Disciple, because he/she WILL put your life in danger.
  
• The Matrix Jacker is a code monkey, who lives in front of a computer screen. He'll slave away for weeks and weeks, and then suddenly jump up and scream "HELL YES IT WORKS, I'M THE BEST" and run around like an idiot. You won't know what he did, and if you sat down in front of the computer and tried to figure it out, you still wouldn't know. But damn if he isn't happy about it.                          
  
• All EEs are the nerdiest looking of all engineers. Hands down.
  
• All EE clans also, for some entirely inexplicable reason, can instantly recognize and shun an outsider engineer.
  
• ALPHA VERSION: Elite EEs are terrifying. Again, they tend to be heavily cross-disciplined, but they just KNOW things they shouldn't know. You'll find Alpha EEs that are world-class chemists, and some that are god-damn structural engineers making little tiny fucking cities on a microchip, and doing circuits with them and shit. It makes no sense.
• PROTIP: Good phrases for rooting out EEs are the following: "Ohm's Law", "Plasma Etching", "Signals", "Bode Plots", "SOI process flow", "fucking transistors, how do they work?", and "electron migration".

CIVIL ENGINEERS (the do-gooders)

• There's two kinds of CivEs: the Brunel, and the Green Knight.

• The Brunel is one who likes to build things. Big fuckin' things. Things like skyscrapers and bridges and tunnels and such. These guys can be pretty intense because the amount of pressure on a Brunel is HUGE (I mean, what if that bridge goes all Tacoma Narrows on you? Guess who's fired? And sued? YOU.)
• The Green Knight is concerned about the environment and wants to protect Mother Earth. The Green Knights tend to start off really optimistic about their careers and idealistic about how they can help the world, but a few years in college (or even better, actual work) tends to crush these notions. The fact that it costs hella bank to protect the environment is a big turnoff for most of them, but a brave few actually suffer through the economics and end up becoming very successful. Green Knights are pretty easy-going (as long as you don't litter in front of them).
• ALPHA VERSION: Alpha CivEs are generally pretty rad. They're smart as hell but pretty laid back about it. The Brunels, again, can be a little more uptight than the Green Knights, but in general both types are chill. The best of them tend to be microbiologist specialists who look at little bugs all day and figure out how they eat, grow, rail, and so forth. They basically play Spore non-stop in real life, so yeah, they're cool.
• PROTIP: Terms like "wastewater treatment", "sanitation", "trusses", "structural reinforcement", "water quality", "air quality", and "suspension bridges" tend to lure out CivEs. There can be significant cross-contamination of MechEs, though, if you're looking for Brunels, so watch out for that.

Wow, I just started my civil engineering course this year and I can already see how these descriptions match some people...

" Wow, I just started my civil engineering course this year and I can already see how these descriptions match some people... "

The only EE's I know are an extremely attractive, popular married couple. I wish I knew the nerds you knew so I could feel better about myself :(

There's only one Engineer that matters as far as I'm concerned.

" There's only one Engineer that matters as far as I'm concerned.

"

Nuclear Engineer here.

 
And jeez, I've got plenty of stereotypes for the nuclear engineers. 
 
Nuclear Engineers are usually the engineers that are most begruding to call themselves "engineers". They also really like to piss on chemistry for not being a "real science". This is because all Nuclear Engineers, at their heart (ha ha, what am I saying, we don't have hearts, at their core, their critcial-mass-reaching core) are really just physicists. Except they were physicists who at some point realized that just having a "physics major" is a great way to be unemployed. 
 
Nuclear Engineers also tend to be fairly lazy. Their preferred method of working is waiting for the stars to align and lightning to strike... or if their deadline is a month away (sometimes less). 
 
Nuclear Engineers also tend to be some of the most celibate of engineers. This is due to their idealization of "men of science".

Doing Industrial Chemistry, so that's pretty much like Chemical Engineering except more chemistry and less engineering!! And who doesn't like that!!!!

I'm an EE. Now I do look like a nerd, that's only a rather generic thing of "I wear glasses and sometimes game shirts. Also, here's a Pokewalker." But I don't think you'd walk up to me and go "ELECTRICAL ENGINEER".
 
Now most of the other people, you would. They have no social skills or sense of humor or even grace and whatnot. I do, though.

The way you worded that blog (with two different types of some engineers), I was expecting a proposal for Engineer: The MMO at the end (with Chem Engineer as the hero class).

" @crusader8463 said:

" There's only one Engineer that matters as far as I'm concerned.

"

I'm amazed it took 7 comments before someone posted this. "

"

Nuclear Engineer here.

 
And jeez, I've got plenty of stereotypes for the nuclear engineers. 
 
Nuclear Engineers are usually the engineers that are most begruding to call themselves "engineers". They also really like to piss on chemistry for not being a "real science". This is because all Nuclear Engineers, at their heart (ha ha, what am I saying, we don't have hearts, at their core, their critcial-mass-reaching core) are really just physicists. Except they were physicists who at some point realized that just having a "physics major" is a great way to be unemployed. 
 
Nuclear Engineers also tend to be fairly lazy. Their preferred method of working is waiting for the stars to align and lightning to strike... or if their deadline is a month away (sometimes less). 
 
Nuclear Engineers also tend to be some of the most celibate of engineers. This is due to their idealization of "men of science".

"

" I'm an EE. Now I do look like a nerd, that's only a rather generic thing of "I wear glasses and sometimes game shirts. Also, here's a Pokewalker." But I don't think you'd walk up to me and go "ELECTRICAL ENGINEER".  Now most of the other people, you would. They have no social skills or sense of humor or even grace and whatnot. I do, though. "

" The way you worded that blog (with two different types of some engineers), I was expecting a proposal for Engineer: The MMO at the end (with Chem Engineer as the hero class). "

I'm in my third year of studying civil engineering (and have seen a video of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in class at least once a semester).  All of what you said is true.   I know at least one person in each of the engineering majors you mentioned.
Funny thing is, chemical engineering is in the department of chemistry where I go. 

No love for software engineers?  While you're playing around with your little colored liquids, we're developing all the shit that anyone uses to do anything.

Wow, this has been very entertaining and informing.
 
I'm finishing high school, and my dream as of last year has been to become a chemical engineer: I think it's pretty awesome to take a bunch of shit in its raw form and make a new material.

" No love for software engineers?  While you're playing around with your little colored liquids, we're developing all the shit that anyone uses to do anything. "

" @Shadow said:

" No love for software engineers?  While you're playing around with your little colored liquids, we're developing all the shit that anyone uses to do anything. "

The only way chem-E's are better than us is that they're better at talking to ladies (and talking in general).  Of course, in these parts they're with the Lame Ass Sciences. "