What's the biggest positive life changing decision you've made in your life?

Getting off my arse after years of unemployment and actually really, really looking for work. Staying it that sulk did me no favours. A decade later and I can't imagine me being in that position again.

@dudeglove: Honestly, that's f**cking amazing. This is why people need hobbies, especially social hobbies.

Even the few negatives, which you seem to openly acknowledge, are far outweighed by the positive impact it's had on life.

Not necessarily the best choice I’ve ever made in my life but something meaningful I’ve done recently.

I’ve been suffering from anxiety induced chronic pain for about a year and a half now. For a year of that time the doctor had literally zero idea what was the issue, I lost a lot of money, quit my job because it was too much (not as bad as it sounds, I didn’t like the place but the pay was good), didn’t get out anymore and stopped writing (I’m a French Canadian movie critic, I cannot stay still in a cinema anymore because of the pain, so I can’t get critic screenings).

That last part is important because even though I managed to find an okay job that is not too stressful, it’s very much an entry level job and I wouldn’t want to stress about being promoted right now. I can’t deal with more stress.

For about ten months I felt awful not only because of the pain, but because I did nothing that felt meaningful to me. I was (and still am) missing being a film journalist.

That changed when I decided to try to learn gamemaker, it bugged out on me, and then went on to learn Unity and C#. That is perfect cause I don’t need to get out, I can take break whenever the my chronic pains are too much and I can have bite sized sessions.

I made a game in four months that is very much about my issues (I won’t link it here for obvious reasons) and even showed it in public. It resonated with a few people and even though I pretty much had a shit year, I can now look back and think there’s still some good stuff in there. So here’s that.

P.S. For those asking, I have a physical therapist and I’m very much on the road to recovery, though it’s a slow process and I’ll never get away from the anxiety completely, the physical pain itself is not supposed to stay. I probably still have six months to a year of physical therapy to go through, but it’s getting better.

Late response but it's better than nothing.

It's difficult for me to give a short answer to some of these questions. Everything that has led me to the decision of moving to another country for a while and who I am as a person, for good and bad, is something that has been building up for years.

It's a long story and I will try to keep it short, brief and relevant as to why I found it easier to connect with people abroad than I do in my own home country.

I will say this. I was bullied badly when I was 14 and 15 years old. It quite frankly messed me up and I still struggle with the scars as an adult to this day. I was always a very quiet kid but after some time I would warm up to people and become more talkative and energetic. So I never lacked any friends, or a childhood for that matter, in my early years. I had a good childhood but it stopped when I reached 14 years of age. The School I went to had financial issues and as a result they started to shut down on the number of grades they offered. Original it went to 12th grade, then 10th and by the time I got to 8th grade that was the eldest grade they had. I was obviously not done going to school, so I started at a new school.

The new school I went to was trying something new that year. They started up an entirely new 8th grade where everyone in that class was new. Initially I was relieved about this fact. I was a shy kid so being the only new kid in a class was a terrifying thought to me. It did mean that I would have to take 8th grade over but that was a small price to pay for not being the "one new kid" in class. What followed was two of the worst years in my life. I'm not going to go into detail I will just say that I'm not a dramatic person. I'm pretty down to earth. But I think that I went to class with a psycopath, or at least a sociopath, and I was his test subject. He had fun poking at me and seeing if he could break me down. It was a game for him and for me it was a living nightmare. I lost trust in people and I lost confidence in myself.

So the years after that was not easy. I kept everything inside and I started to believe that maybe I wasn't worth being loved. Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy? Maybe I didn't deserve to loved? Maybe I was mistake? Why was I ever born? Why was I ever created? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost. I feel so lonely.

I never actively tried suicide but thoughts of me wanting to disappear from the world or how I potentially would kill myself if it ever came to it was something that from time to time came into my mind.

These where the issues I struggled with as a teenager and even in some of my adult years. I am not happy to admit this but it is how it really was.

I meet a few good people along the way. Kind souls that seemed to like and accept me for who I am. It was like they could sense that I was something more beneath the surface than what could be seen on the outside. But they were few and far between. After all is difficult to be loved by others if you don't love yourself.

Now I'm older. I have decided I want to live my life. What I'm going to be doing for the next year or two is not about carrier or education. It's about me just living life for a bit. Maybe I'm making up for the times I lost, or maybe I should say the years that got robbed from me, in my teens and early to mid twenties.

While I do have a few friends today I have found it difficult to break out of the perception people have of me. A perception that is not the true me. I love to have fun, I love travel, watch movies and now I just want to meet new people and go out in the world. I feel like I'm stuck as long as I stay.

When I travelled to Berlin I saw it like this. I have nothing to lose. Nobody knows me here. This is a fresh start. This is a challenge to myself. This is one week in Berlin where I can just be the "old" happy me I used to be before all the shit happened. I meet people that had no prior knowledge of me or my life. I could just try and be the new and improved me for a while without any of the baggage that had be pulling me down at home. I felt free. I met so many nice and awesome people from different countries. For me it seems like people are much more openminded and welcoming when they meet other people from different countries and cultures.

I had known for a while before Berlin that I might move to a different country for a while, maybe I will stay, but after Berlin I knew for sure. I belong abroad for the next year or two. I haven't felt like I belonged in my own home country for a while.

I think that is the best answer I can give you.

Also I clearly failed at keeping it short.

Hitting the gym. Getting married. Having kids.

Taking my own well being into my own hands and deciding after years of hurt and anguish to start the long journey of transitioning. ? it's been over two years now and I still have a ways to go but I'm able to say I'm much happier and more comfortable in my life than I have ever been!

Accepting the fact that my personality type means that I will never be in a relationship, get married or have kids... All my life I've been rejected, and after getting dumped while dealing with depression, anxiety and loneliness by the only woman I have felt emotionally close to in my life. I decided that, that was enough and the only person that I can love unconditionally is me.

Getting off of social media.

Getting professional help for my anxiety. I was having panic attacks three times a week (if not more), for six months - I had to do something. Ever since i was a kid I was anxious, and even as a college student I could REALLY work myself up, but I could deal with it - I could refocus- and get back to life.

When Ryan passed away, then my youngest uncle died of cancer soon after; I was devastated. My anxiety made be a bit of a hypercondriac, and my hypochondria made my anxiety worse - I was in a spiral that was compounded by many factors.

So, I was spinning out of control, with panic attacks & depression that was a daily struggle for months. I finally broke down in the car with my mom during one of my panic attacks. (I didn't fully tell her how I was feeling because that was to grim...and i won't talk about that here either) However she convinced me to talked to my doctor. It took a few visits, but he was able to prescribe something without me having to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. That may seem weird, but I was not depressed for a reason or hung up on something real. My brain chemistry was just off and even the physical I got & blood work showed I was in better health than even he thought. (With some types of hypochondria you can MAKE yourself sick because you believe it some much.) But they test showed I was really okay and believing my doctor helped, then the anti-anxiety medicine helped even more.

Asking for professional help was the BIGGEST thing I ever did - it has made the biggest difference in my life.

@inevpatoria: I did this and reduced all phone alerts to shit I need to know as they happen. If I couldn’t customize alerts to pop-up less, I just got rid of the service.

I got fed-up with being called to check my phone like a dog. It was absurd.

Phone, social media, cable TV...too many asinine and pointless destractons. Each time I cut or curbed one, I felt much better about everything. It’s amazing how these things are subtraction by addition.

That sounds so enticing. If it wasn't because I have one friend, who I still care much for even though I sadly doubt we will meet in person again, who lives abroad and the primary way we talk is over social media I too would seriously consider getting off it.

When I'm done with my current job there is a few things/people I know I don't want to follow anymore. I just did it to be polite but I seriously want to cut down on unnecessary distractions.

Buying a dog. I used to have two cats, but one died from poisoning (intentional or not, i'll never know). My garden wasn't dog proof so I decided to make it ready (big fence, grass). Couple of months later I bought my dog. I have a history of severe depression, and I still have to take antipsychotic and antidepressant medication but nothing has been as therapeutic for me than having that loving animal around. The end goal is to quit medication altogether, which I'm not ready to do yet but at least I see a definite possibility to do so in the future. He's a mix of a doberman and something else by the way :)

It is very, very, very difficult. And I'm not particularly good at keeping in touch with friends via text or phone calls--certainly not the ones who live far away. It isn't something I'd recommend anyone do hastily. And I think there are, unfortunately, a number of cons to this. LinkedIn, for instance, can figure extremely significantly into your candidacy for jobs, especially with larger and more public-facing corporations.

@nutter: Totally. It's just been so much easier to find a healthy personal balance without having a constant connection to the world. It can be scary, though, to feel like you're not always up-to-date on what's happening online.

@inevpatoria: This might be age talking, but leaving social media didn’t make me feel like I was missing much. I’ve never made plans, connections, etc. over social media. I seldom used it to keep up with folks. I tend to make and keep connections in person.

If life takes me away, I’m away. Maybe I’ll catch-up with folks some time...maybe not. I never got too bothered by it.

Now, if you’ve not known a world before...I don’t know, AOL Instant Messenger, I could see leaving social media being absolutely terrifying. My younger sister is in that age range...I’m curious how she’d feel about losing all personal social media presence.

Awesome, inspiring answers in here. I have two that are kind of related: moving across country and having surgery to treat a chronic illness.

After 10 years in the same job in the DC suburbs, I admitted I hadn't been happy for a long time. Having been to Seattle a few times for vacations, I loved the city and the climate. So I found a different job with the same company in line with what I wanted to do long term, applied, and got the transfer. I love what I'm doing as much as anyone can love a job and don't miss the swampy summers and increasingly snowy winters of DC.

As part of this move, I had to find a new doctor to treat a long term case of ulcerative colitis. I've mentioned it on the boards before and I always feel a little bad doing so, but I had a moderate to severe case of it and it SUCKED. I tried about a dozen different treatment methods and all either worked for a bit before losing efficacy or never worked to begin with. I tried a few things with my new doctor out here and he finally laid it out plainly: my colon needed to come out. So almost two years to the day, it did. I'm not a healthy person (I'm working on it!) but I'm healthier for sure, and my quality of life is through the roof. I can actually go to a movie or be out in public without the crippling anxiety/fear of a flareup or feeling like I need to know where the men's room is and and have an unimpeded path to it at all times. Could this have happened without moving? Sure, but I was treated out here by an amazing surgeon att he top of his field in intestinal operations, so I feel very lucky.

Separated from active duty air force and started going to college. started smoking weed, stopped drinking. drug tests for your livelihood are bad

About nine years ago, I had a string of bad things happen to me. I was in my late twenties and wasn’t expecting to be hit with so much crap all it once. Lost one of my best friends, tried to get eye surgery and failed, ended a relationship mutually, and I resigned from a great job as an elected county employee due to several people, including two in my employ, stealing tens of thousands of dollars. I was angry, depressed, and damn near broken in a lot of ways.

For a very long time I let my legal blindness be an excuse not to do anything. I sat at home, bullshitted here, played games, and did fuck all with my life. Fast forward to the winter of 2015. I was exhausted on a spiritual level. I was bored. I was tired of being alone in a tiny town, locked away out of a sense of shame and a misguided attempt at atonement for things that I came to realize weren’t my fault, no matter how much I wanted them to be. I decided to start to be proactive. I had an English degree and a few okay ideas for stories I’d like to write, and in January of 2016, I began the slow, seemingly impossible task of writing my first book.

I started slow, writing just about 500 words a day. That trickle of words grew addicting, and soon I began to crave the discipline of writing every day. Before it could even hit me I’d done it, I had a (bad) first draft on my hands. In another few months, I had a much better one, and took the plunge on self-publishing.

Now, a little over two years on, I have eight novels out, along with a few novellas and side projects. I’m excited to get up every day and work. My sales are shit, but that will get better with time. I’ve even managed to drop my SNAP benefits and my energy assistance. Not all days are highs - I work on an extreme budget and advertising is tricky. But I feel like I’m trying, genuinely trying, and most days, that’s enough.

@castiel Thanks for explaining. I'm glad it is working out for you. I don't know if that would work for me - I am pretty introverted by nature so if I go somewhere where I don't know anybody I would probably become bored and depressed pretty fast. I am trying the opposite, of returning to a place where I know a lot of people and I don't have to start from nothing.

That also sounds really nice. To be completely honest. If I had close friends I don't think I would feel the need to move away. But I just feel lonely and restless here. So I need to make a drastic change in my life otherwise it's never going to get better. And no one else is going to do it for me. I have to go out there myself and get the life I want. And yes it can be scary and even lonely sometimes, but I don't see how I have an alternative.