I played MoH and unreal tournament and quake arena back in the day but I was always terrible at them so I quickly lost interest and have tried to avoid all vs FPS action if I can.  However, now and again I feel like I want to enjoy these games, and yesterday i got the urge to try again and once again I am reminded that I suck so bad compared to everyone else I dont have time to learn to be better before someone kills me and it stops being fun.
 
I was hoping someone could pount me towards a game that could help me be better and pitch me against players of similar skill level.  Im thinking something with a system that tracks your skill based off numbers of games played, kills vs bullets fired etc and sets up servers that can only be entered by people of a given skill level so everyone is always against people of similar skill.  As I expect to loose interest quickly, (even though I hope not to) I dont wish to spend much (or any) money on a new game (unless it also has a single player campaign worth the money).  I already own CoDMW2, TF2, im downloading battlefield play4free and have some other games knocking around.

I ended up playing a few dozen hours of Battlefield 2 offline (versus bots) before I got enough confidence to go online versus real people. But once I got to that level, that was it. I was able to instantly begin shooting ass and taking tags. The only game I was able to play online confidently before that was TF Classic, and all my experience went out the window when they released patch 1.5 and the new netcode.

The games you list as turning you off are rather fast paced twitch games. You might want to start off with something a little more methodical to get your bearings and starting building your skills. TF2 and COD games are still kinda twitch based, and BFP4F can be too since the maps are much smaller than they were in BF2. But I suppose it's as good a place to start as you can get for free.

edit: And there's a number of HL2DM mods, all free, which are pretty good. Insurgency was fun for a while; I just don't know how it is now.

Team Fortress 2 is a good place to start.

Buy a 360. Be happy.

@Lawnor: I would say the Battlefield games are a pretty good place to learn because they focus more on teams rather than individuals. If you happen to end up on a good team it really lets you play poorly without affecting too much and you'll have a nice little safe place to learn.

The problem, as I see it, with for example MW2 is that it's much more of a lone wolf game where you always have to perform well.

You aren't going to find a game that will track your stats and pit you against people of similar play level, at least not on PC. 
My only suggestion is to either be patient enough and just try online and deal with death after death or try the Singleplayer or maybe a local MP game against bots (if the game offers that) and just really hone in on getting comfortable with the controls, adjust the sensitivity if you have to but bottom line, be comfortable. I think a good thing that the SP offers is that enemies like to come out of places you least expect, it helps you with your twitch skills. 
Battlefield Bad Company 2 might be a suitable game for you. It offers a standard SP (nothing to special but should be entertaining enough) and there are PC servers that only allow people up to a certain rank in the server. (Ex: Noobs only server lvl 20 and under) etc. etc.

@ElBarto said:

Battlefield Bad Company 2 might be a suitable game for you. It offers a standard SP (nothing to special but should be entertaining enough) and there are PC servers that only allow people up to a certain rank in the server. (Ex: Noobs only server lvl 20 and under) etc. etc.

The problem with this is that these servers are often filled to the brim with griefers looking to "pwn" legitimate noobs. Since it doesn't cost anything to start a new character, you'll find dudes with hundred upon hundreds of hours of cumulative experience just laying waste to folks, starting one new character after another. Watch people's levels in one match be like 8, and the next match be 10. Occasionally I'll go looking for servers with a level cap just to get a real challenge.

The number one most important thing in FPSes is positioning. If possible, try to stay away from the middle of the map. Stay closer to the edges and try to use the environment as cover if possible. Of course there are specifics based on each game and each map but this is the general rule that applies to everything.
TF2 is a great way to start as I find it easier than many other games where you die quickly. If you find out that shooting is not your cup of tea you can go a support class like Medic or Engineer and still benefit your team greatly.
 
Good luck and if you get frustrated, remember to take a break!

learn the game... become the game.. learn from your stronger opponents... become your opponents... defeat your opponents... master the game..
 
really I don't know what to say. If you want to get better you'll want to do everything you can to get better. That includes, learning the ins and outs of the game mechanics, reading strategies and tutorials on the game, playing and experimenting with the game alot, learning how other people play so you can counter it or adopt it to your style of play. 
 
ofcourse there's always the reaction and precision part of it, but that's mostly muscle memory and partly situational awareness, it will come with lots of practice. Sometimes it's good to beat up against bots (both moving and stationary) to practice aim, it'll give you more confidence when up against real players. 

I'm a lazy ass not fond of doing things I don't like. I mostly play FPS because I'm automatically pretty damn good at them. I suck terribly at strategy and fighting games even though I wanted to get good at SC2.

You only get better at things by doing them.  You are just in "putting in work" phase now.  Stick with it and you get better.

pretty much everybody gets slaughtered in bad company 2 the first 10-15 levels or so , its perfectly normal.
 
and regarding fps's in general ,
 you cant expect to jump into a game kicking everyones butt, especially if they have played since day one and you just started.

8 hours play just to get competant?  I want to play and have fun.  I dont want a 2nd job.  I already quit WoW!  Im looking for this as something quick to dip in and out of when I dont have much time for the game im actively playing.   I find it very strange there arent any shooters that try to skill match games.  It seems like an obvious thing to do, once you can decide on a reliable metric for skill.
 
Since making my post I took MW2 for a test drive.  I played a few games.  I almost never saw an enemy in the first game but died plenty.  By the end of the 3rd I was about half way up the rankings at the end and was able to kill a couple of guys.  Im still terrible but I feel like Im actually doing something at least.  I was playing team death match.  Seemed like the sensible place to start.  Ill probably go back to it.  I do want to play and enjoy TF2 but for now I think its too fast for me.  But then again Ive only really played CTF and only on one map because I went with what it first offered me.  Maybe I need to try team death match?
 
I havent really played against bots since the Q3A days, but its been my experience that bots never act like people.  Bots have patterns and are predictable.  People do unexpected things, or bounce around like lunatics.  Good against bots does not equate to good against people.  I know it can be a stepping stone, but Im alright at single player campaigns so Surely ive already faced their bots?
 
@ Enigma777: I own a 360.  That doesnt help at all.  The only way to play an FPS properly is with a keyboard and mouse.  A joypad can never compare.  I played halo 1+2 on the PC and 3 on the 360.  I could feel the difference in the gameplay.  3 really felt like the enemies were fewer and less agressive like the game was deliberately written this way to compensate for less reactive, clunkier controls.  I played through most of it using the melee attack as it just seemed better than actually shooting.  I will never choose to play a shooter on a console when I could play it on a PC.
 
@ Devildoll: I dont expect to be awesome at the start.  I do expect to feel like I can contribute.  I dont want to spend my entire playtime respawning and dying again before I even get to shoot at an enemy.  How am i supposed to learn or improve if I am not even capable of doing anything?