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Dalai

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E3 predictions, now with more bacon!

By Dalai 15 Comments

      

Now with more E's!
Now with more E's!
Well this is highly unusual. It's been almost a month since I've blogged about anything and so much has happened this month. We had Judgment Day... that was quite a day, right? The multiple 10.0 earthquakes, the giant asteroid that destroyed France, the Baconalia, the futuristic cyborgs, and the rivers of blood... oh the rivers of blood! The cleanup was difficult, but we pulled together and managed to survive. Nice work, planet Earth. And Sarah Connor. 
 
Anyway, there's an E3 coming up in this post-rapture future and I think it's time to embarrass myself with some predictions as to what the video game industry will throw at us to see what sticks next. We know there's at least one new Nintendo console to be farted out, one new Sony handheld to be spewed out, and games games GAMES! So let's cut to the chase and predict away, me! 
 

Project Cafe shown, hardcore game porn, minds blown.

 
Not actual size or console.
Not actual size or console.
Nintendo's very own Iwata, Satoru Iwata, has been on the record commenting about the Wii's shortcomings including its lackluster online service and its stubbornness to work with others. I think they learned  valuable lesson with the Wii and despite its success with a significant population of casual fitness enthusiasts and people who want to just dance, just relying on them and lifelong Nintendo fans won't be enough this time now that Sony and Microsoft have copy/pasted their motion control strategy. That's why I think Nintendo is going to reach out to us, the Giant Bomb community, and make a console a bit more appealing to our collective tastes. That doesn't mean Nintendo itself is going to start making first-person shooters, but maybe we'll see more 3rd party support in that department. I predict Project Cafe will be a much more powerful system than anything else on the console market and will feature many of the bells and whistles we have become accustomed to on other systems like a more robust online presence, some type of achievement system, HD technology, a more traditional controller to complement the Wii Remote, and a fairly large hard drive... at least 120GB, maybe bigger if they're smart. So yes, I think Nintendo is getting back in the hardware race and dragging us along with it for now. 
 

Microsoft whips up something really quick, closes with an Xbox 360 successor announcement.

 
We aren't expecting Microsoft or Sony to come out with new hardware for at least another 2 or 3 years as they're pushing their 10-year cycle initiative, but I don't think Microsoft wants to play second fiddle to Nintendo this year, especially now that they're gaining some momentum with Kinect. Oh they will show lots of Kinect stuff, but at the end of it all, they'll be a short 2 minute video with something pertaining to the next Xbox system. It won't really explain anything other than its existence, but we'll all be speculating from that point until the next E3. 
 

Grand Theft Auto V will be announced, Vice City revisited.

 
Not actual logo... yet.
Not actual logo... yet.
It's been 3 years since Grand Theft Auto IV and even though Rockstar has been hard at work shedding it's image as a one-trick pony with Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire being as awesome as they are lucrative, Grand Theft Auto brings in Scrooge McDuck money. And so Rockstar will give us a Grand Theft Auto V teaser and a projected release date of 2012. Also, you'll see Vice City in all its glory. Neon lights, ladies in bikinis, and other stuff you might see in Rockstar's version of Miami Beach. We might even get to see the next protagonist doing what they do best, shooting dudes and running over innocent pedestrians, but this time with that fancy L.A. Noire facial tech. One final note: Grand Theft Auto V will be available of 360, PS3, PC, and Project Cafe. Yes, I'm totally going there. 
 

But wait, there's more! Sequels that is.

 
Assassin's Creed III, Borderlands 2, Final Fantasy XV, Fallout 4, and maybe something Halo related? We're already saturated with sequels and if I know the video game industry, there will be many more than I mentioned. Personally I'm hoping for a SimCity sequel (as I do every year) and No More Heroes 3 for Project Cafe, but I'm satisfied with all the sequels announced already. Zelda is still a 2011 game and Mass Effect 3, Darksiders 2, and Bioshock Infinite will hurt my wallet next year. But yeah, those 4 still fictional titles I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, I believe they will be official at E3. Assassin's Creed III should fall in line with the typical franchise timeline so that game is to be expected. Borderlands 2 will likely be there despite Pitchford's denials. Final Fantasy XV... going out on a limb here, but this might be damage control for its fumbling of Final Fantasy XIV. Fallout 4? I'm just pulling that one out of my ass, really. Bethesda is busy with Skyrim and Fallout: New Vegas is still pretty fresh so that's my longshot pick of the week. 
 

Sony won't be the only one with a new handheld gaming device at E3.

 
Gizmondo, we hardly got to touch your sticky balls.
Gizmondo, we hardly got to touch your sticky balls.
We see this every so often. An electronics company other than Sony and Nintendo will announce a new handheld at E3. Do you guys remember the Panasonic Jungle? Okay that wasn't announced at E3, but just bear with me here. Every few years, somebody believes they can make a portable console that can be part game console, part internet browser, part GPS device/panini maker and we're due for another failed attempt to crack the handheld market. I'll take a wild guess and say... Philips. Yep, the CDi peoples. They're way overdue. 
 

No more meme-worthy quotes from drunk Leigh Alexander.

 
After two consecutive years of making an ass out of herself, she will attempt to be on her best behavior for reals this time. 
 
And don't expect this to make a comeback during the E3 podcasts.
And don't expect this to make a comeback during the E3 podcasts.
And that will be E3. 
 
And my apologies for the lack of bacon.
15 Comments

15 Comments

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Dalai

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Edited By Dalai

      

Now with more E's!
Now with more E's!
Well this is highly unusual. It's been almost a month since I've blogged about anything and so much has happened this month. We had Judgment Day... that was quite a day, right? The multiple 10.0 earthquakes, the giant asteroid that destroyed France, the Baconalia, the futuristic cyborgs, and the rivers of blood... oh the rivers of blood! The cleanup was difficult, but we pulled together and managed to survive. Nice work, planet Earth. And Sarah Connor. 
 
Anyway, there's an E3 coming up in this post-rapture future and I think it's time to embarrass myself with some predictions as to what the video game industry will throw at us to see what sticks next. We know there's at least one new Nintendo console to be farted out, one new Sony handheld to be spewed out, and games games GAMES! So let's cut to the chase and predict away, me! 
 

Project Cafe shown, hardcore game porn, minds blown.

 
Not actual size or console.
Not actual size or console.
Nintendo's very own Iwata, Satoru Iwata, has been on the record commenting about the Wii's shortcomings including its lackluster online service and its stubbornness to work with others. I think they learned  valuable lesson with the Wii and despite its success with a significant population of casual fitness enthusiasts and people who want to just dance, just relying on them and lifelong Nintendo fans won't be enough this time now that Sony and Microsoft have copy/pasted their motion control strategy. That's why I think Nintendo is going to reach out to us, the Giant Bomb community, and make a console a bit more appealing to our collective tastes. That doesn't mean Nintendo itself is going to start making first-person shooters, but maybe we'll see more 3rd party support in that department. I predict Project Cafe will be a much more powerful system than anything else on the console market and will feature many of the bells and whistles we have become accustomed to on other systems like a more robust online presence, some type of achievement system, HD technology, a more traditional controller to complement the Wii Remote, and a fairly large hard drive... at least 120GB, maybe bigger if they're smart. So yes, I think Nintendo is getting back in the hardware race and dragging us along with it for now. 
 

Microsoft whips up something really quick, closes with an Xbox 360 successor announcement.

 
We aren't expecting Microsoft or Sony to come out with new hardware for at least another 2 or 3 years as they're pushing their 10-year cycle initiative, but I don't think Microsoft wants to play second fiddle to Nintendo this year, especially now that they're gaining some momentum with Kinect. Oh they will show lots of Kinect stuff, but at the end of it all, they'll be a short 2 minute video with something pertaining to the next Xbox system. It won't really explain anything other than its existence, but we'll all be speculating from that point until the next E3. 
 

Grand Theft Auto V will be announced, Vice City revisited.

 
Not actual logo... yet.
Not actual logo... yet.
It's been 3 years since Grand Theft Auto IV and even though Rockstar has been hard at work shedding it's image as a one-trick pony with Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire being as awesome as they are lucrative, Grand Theft Auto brings in Scrooge McDuck money. And so Rockstar will give us a Grand Theft Auto V teaser and a projected release date of 2012. Also, you'll see Vice City in all its glory. Neon lights, ladies in bikinis, and other stuff you might see in Rockstar's version of Miami Beach. We might even get to see the next protagonist doing what they do best, shooting dudes and running over innocent pedestrians, but this time with that fancy L.A. Noire facial tech. One final note: Grand Theft Auto V will be available of 360, PS3, PC, and Project Cafe. Yes, I'm totally going there. 
 

But wait, there's more! Sequels that is.

 
Assassin's Creed III, Borderlands 2, Final Fantasy XV, Fallout 4, and maybe something Halo related? We're already saturated with sequels and if I know the video game industry, there will be many more than I mentioned. Personally I'm hoping for a SimCity sequel (as I do every year) and No More Heroes 3 for Project Cafe, but I'm satisfied with all the sequels announced already. Zelda is still a 2011 game and Mass Effect 3, Darksiders 2, and Bioshock Infinite will hurt my wallet next year. But yeah, those 4 still fictional titles I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, I believe they will be official at E3. Assassin's Creed III should fall in line with the typical franchise timeline so that game is to be expected. Borderlands 2 will likely be there despite Pitchford's denials. Final Fantasy XV... going out on a limb here, but this might be damage control for its fumbling of Final Fantasy XIV. Fallout 4? I'm just pulling that one out of my ass, really. Bethesda is busy with Skyrim and Fallout: New Vegas is still pretty fresh so that's my longshot pick of the week. 
 

Sony won't be the only one with a new handheld gaming device at E3.

 
Gizmondo, we hardly got to touch your sticky balls.
Gizmondo, we hardly got to touch your sticky balls.
We see this every so often. An electronics company other than Sony and Nintendo will announce a new handheld at E3. Do you guys remember the Panasonic Jungle? Okay that wasn't announced at E3, but just bear with me here. Every few years, somebody believes they can make a portable console that can be part game console, part internet browser, part GPS device/panini maker and we're due for another failed attempt to crack the handheld market. I'll take a wild guess and say... Philips. Yep, the CDi peoples. They're way overdue. 
 

No more meme-worthy quotes from drunk Leigh Alexander.

 
After two consecutive years of making an ass out of herself, she will attempt to be on her best behavior for reals this time. 
 
And don't expect this to make a comeback during the E3 podcasts.
And don't expect this to make a comeback during the E3 podcasts.
And that will be E3. 
 
And my apologies for the lack of bacon.
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Claude

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Edited By Claude

My dream is that Nintendo will announce some AAA 3rd party exclusives with their new console. It would be a grand gesture.

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sparky_buzzsaw

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Edited By sparky_buzzsaw  Online

We were promised bacon, goddamn it.  I demand a roasted pig as reperations. 
 
Some solid predictions.  Not sure we'll see Fallout 4 this early, but man, I can hope.  And if Borderlands 2 is announced, that'll make the whole damn show for me by its own merit.

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Crono11

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Edited By Crono11

The only thing that stands out to me (other then Fallout 4) Is you saying Microsoft would be whipping up a 360 successor, they've been thinking about/working on a successor for a while now. Sony too.  
 
Oh and it wouldn't be E3 if Leigh Alexander didn't make a fool of herself someway.

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zyn

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Edited By zyn

I enjoyed GTA: Vice City but does Rockstar REALLY need to revisit Vice City for GTA V?  Can we not go somewhere new?

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Edited By geirr

I don't like bacon much, insane I know, 
but I sure would love some release dates for Guild Wars 2 and possibly a hint of Borderlands 2. 
Oh and more details on The Last Nin.. uh.. Guardian and that Miyazaki game for the PS3.

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ZeroCast

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Edited By ZeroCast

Good read.
 
I think this years E3 will be full of surprises. As you said, we can definitely expect some announcement regarding a new Grand Theft Auto and while that might get exclusively shown at the Microsoft Conference, I think we'll see Agent finally working in action at Sony's Conference.
 
On the flip side, I think Nintendo will be able to steal the show by simply showing new and solid 3rd party games on its new console. 
  
Speaking of bacon:
 

No Caption Provided
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sarahsdad

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Edited By sarahsdad

Agree about Nintendo. Even if they go with hardware that's from around '09, that'll still put it years ahead of MS and Sony. Not sure I'd buy one, but it would be good to have them jumping ahead a bit. 
 
Not so sure about the 360 successor. I'm thinking next E3 they announce it for holiday of that year with whatever the next Halo or Gears release is. But that's just me, I tend to be cautious about things. 
 
And, would it be redundant of me to call shenanigans about a Leigh Alexander prediction? I kind of feel like it would.

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tebbit

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Edited By tebbit
@ZeroCast said:
Good read.
 
No Caption Provided
That's messed up!
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SirPsychoSexy

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Edited By SirPsychoSexy

GTA V in Vice City and with LA Noire tech would be amazing

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Subjugation

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Edited By Subjugation
@ZeroCast said:

No Caption Provided
WHAAAAAAAT
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Edited By BonOrbitz

I doubt we'll hear about the 360 successor, but will hear a shit ton about "hardcore" Kinect games. Oh yeah, and Halo 1 rerelease for current gen.
We'll definitely hear about GTA V, and Nintendo will put a lot of focus on this for their system.
Nintendo will come out swinging with their Project Cafe.  We'll also hear about Retro Studios next game which everyone will be excited for. Zelda Skyward Sword will be a Cafe launch title and there will be HD relaunches of the Super Mario Galaxy series.
We'll probably hear a lot about that Guillermo del Toro horror game and see Borderlands 2 in action... 
I don't think we'll see any Fallout 4.
Drunk Leigh Alexander? I have no clue about that one...

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Edited By ZombiePie

Oh shit...E3 is coming up. This might get a little rough.

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deactivated-5a46aa62043d1

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Edited By deactivated-5a46aa62043d1
@Dalai:  I agree with most everything you predict about Cafe, except I don't think it's going to be significantly more powerful than the 360 or PS3, and it won't have a huge hard drive. In fact, it will probably be laughably small. Point is, Nintendo knows the sweet spot for mass appeal is a sub-300 dollar price point, and I don't see them adding a bunch of fancy shit to it that will raise the price and scare away the casuals.  
 
I don't think Microsoft would announce a new console just cuz. I think with Nintendo having such huge success with the Wii, Microsoft (and probably Sony as well) are going to want to hang back and see if whatever Nintendo has up their sleeve hits big or not, so they'll know what parts of it to copy and what parts to ignore. 
 
Grand Theft Auto V? I don't know. Rockstar still have Agent and Max Payne to deal with. But I guess they do a teaser or something, sure. Will Ubisoft announce Assassin's Creed III before Revelations is even out? I don't think anyone wants to take a page from the Square-Enix playbook at this point. Borderlands 2 I could see. Aside from that Alien game that will probably never see the light of day, what else could Gearbox be working on? Final Fantasy XV seems like the kind of thing Square would save for TGS. I highly doubt Fallout 4 will be announced any time soon. In fact I'm 99% sure that's probably going to end up on the next generation of consoles.  And of course there will be something Halo related. Probably more than one thing.  
 
I have no opinion on handheld stuff.
 
Last year I declared that I would never listen to another podcast with Leigh Alexander, and I meant it.  If I go to download an E3 Bombcast and I see her name in the description, I'm just not going to listen to it. I don't care how sober or how sorry she is or whatever, the damage is done. I'm not interested in hearing anything she has to say. And with all the hate mail she received last time, I'm not even sure she would want to come back on. 
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Edited By sameeeeam

You filthy liar. I was promised bacon.