Seriously.

After travelling around Europe for a year, you finally make it back home. Instead of being greeted by everyone, you find out that your sister ransacked the entire place and ran off with her lover. Your Dad had his pee-pee touched by Uncle Oscar and nearly drank himself to death over his failures as a writer. Your Mom was having an affair with Ranger Rick because of Dad's negligence towards her. And now they're both away at some marriage counseling retreat.

So now your homecoming consists of an empty house, a bunch of secrets you probably didn't want to know about, no TV, no VCRs, no Super Nintendo, and nothing to eat but Tuna Dinner and Bran Flakes.

When's the next flight to Amsterdam?