Game Over: We Lose!
Like you, I loved the FF series. I think that possibly the most amazing thing about them was the audacity of the publisher to leave the word “Final” in the title. It has been is anything but!
Lately, I have been contemplating taking a queue from Square-Enix and coming up with my own epic game series:
Volume 1. The Last Battle
Volume 2. The Real Last Battle
Volume 3. This is it, The Final Battle
Volume 4. There Won’t be Any More Battles after This
Volume 5. Battle: We Mean it This Time!!!
Volume 6. Marketing Insisted on One More Battle…
Volume 7. TBD Battle Some More (Working title) *
* Released on 4″ screen hand-held only
I think it has strong potential. I am going to feature an androgynous male with spiky hair as my lead character. He wields an enormous (but in no way phallic) sword and has a past that is shrouded in mystery. He will often make homo-erotic sighs, and once in a while cry out “Eyu (or similar, all vowel, no consonant name) Noooooooooooooooo!”
It would also include oodles of cinematics (about 70% of game) and tons of cute, fuzzy, extremely powerful but impossibly annoying creatures with ear-splitting voices. I would pepper it with a few pre-teen girls in miniskirts with voluptuous breasts that make the player feel slightly aroused and even more uncomfortable because of it. Finally, I plan to incorporate a wise-cracking sidekick who is otherwise completely useless as anything but a damage soaker.
I’m not sure about the plot yet but the cut scenes would most likely center around the hero’s past. It would involve some sort of masked arch villain, who may be tied to asexual hero-boy (quite a twist, right?). I figure that I could recoup some of the production cost by captioning most of the dialog as “…” and hiring the same team that does most of the English translations for popular anime series. I’m sure terms like “World of Magic Power” will be well received and not feel generic or contrived at all!
I know you are stunned with the originality of the concept but set that aside for a moment and tell me: What do you think? Could it work?
Seriously SE… STOP! Or, at least hire a writer or two.
Note: This rant is brought to you by good clean fun. Please don't take it personally or be offended.