Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I

Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1 is an unusual and misshapen fever-dream. As the title screen will proudly inform you, it is the fourth Sonic the Hedgehog game, placing it chronologically after the supposed pinnacle of the series, Sonic 3. What the big-ass "FOUR" in the title doesn't tell you is that rather than a genuine sequel, Sonic 4 feels like an HD Remix of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and 3's essential concepts. 
 
There are transparent bats with light bulbs on their tail-ends. There are crabs that shoot projectiles from their pincers. Even those god-forsaken "spheres surrounded by spiky balls" - for whom you have to sit patiently, out of reach until they have unloaded themselves of their only defence mechanism - make an appearance. 
 
There is a casino level. Within that level, there is a slot machine that, when entered, will either give you nothing, a few rings, a lot of rings, or a lot of spikes. Tails is notably missing from the slot machine. 
 
You, dear reader, probably already know where I'm going with this: Sonic 4 has nostalgia coming out the back door and flowing into the yard. There's a Sonic 1 labyrinth-style zone, A Sonic 2 styled Metropolis zone, replete with praying mantis assassins. 
         

I like nostalgia, love it, even! But the game makes several missteps that become glaringly obvious by the end of the game. Allow me to list them for you: 
 
Immediately noticeable from the moment the game begins: Sonic is slow as hell. Sure, he can eventually reach a fair clip if he gets a few seconds of run-up time, but for those initial two seconds or so, Blue Lightning is taking a stroll through the level. 
He's not even jogging briskly! This sluggishness translates into the game removing your ability to react quickly to situations that it actively throws at you. It's as if you are controlling him whist underwater. When you actually reach water, the effect is multiplied by a factor of... double, but it feels appropriate for the situation. Above sea level, it's just bad design.

 
The supposed solution to this problem is to use the new mechanic - new to 2D Sonic games anyway - of a homing attack. Now before I tell you the shit part, I want you to know that the homing attack is great. It's satisfying to bounce off a couple of enemies in a row, racking up a score multiplier in the process. The issue I take with the homing attack is not related to its effectiveness, but rather its potential for misuse. All it takes to initiate the homing attack is a second press of the jump button. Now, if there are enemies nearby, and they've been auto-targeted, all is well. 
 
However, if for any reason you haven't targeted an enemy, or there are none around, pressing the jump button again will result in a very minor bump, before sending you plummeting to the ground, often ignoring any kind of momentum you might have built up. Again, this was a decision that someone made while designing the game. 
There is no benefit to it, unless you want to stop really quickly, and that's only an issue because of the aforementioned calamity that is the movement control. It's a compilation of ignorant design that effectively tarnishes whatever goodwill they had garnered with the character and level designs (which for me was a significant amount).
 
The spin attack returns, however it is now largely useless. Duck, jump a couple of times to rev up, release and blast away uncontrollably. A real classic, right? But what if revving up multiple times barely affects your speed? What if, due to the games' peculiar sense of physics, it is more effective to simply run up a curved wall, because while running you will often stick to surfaces? What if, after you release the down button, you only retain momentum for a second before quickly petering out? 
 
It's only real use is during the last boss, for evasion purposes. For the rest of the game it's a tease of the older Sonic games, where the move actually had a use within the levels. 
 
   

The final nail in the coffin for me is the music. There are a few very good tracks in Sonic 4. The labyrinth-esque zone springs to mind as being equally nostalgic, catchy and modern. "Yes!" thought I, "this is what I want you to do to me, big boy". 
From there, things got strange in ways beyond the context of this review, but ultimately the one or two catchy themes throws the rest of the music into stark contrast. 
 
The boss music SUCKS ARSE. I don't say that lightly. It just does, feeling completely inappropriate for the situation at hand. The music, for the most part is mild, unenthused and... well, if General Malaise were an Indie pop band, the Sonic 4
soundtrack would be their début album, which is a shame considering the great work that Sonic Team did on Sonic 1 and 2, and particularly the Michael Jackson influenced 3. 
 

Oh yeah, the icing on the cake: I finished the game in 2 hours. The game cost $24NZD. I don't want to get into whatever cost vs. length battles are currently raging, but it offends me, almost on a personal level, that the developers would market this as the marvellous return of Sonic the Hedgehog, and then release what is clearly only a portion of a full game. Padding out that two hour experience SPOILER WARNING: Click here to reveal hidden content... comes off as lazy filler, covering the gory wound where the other two-thirds of the game were detached. I know what I should expect from a game with "Episode 1" as a subtitle, but I also know what I should expect as a consumer, and 2 hours, some of which is questionable, left a bad taste in my mouth. 
 
Sonic 4 could have been great, and the game in front of me shows true glimmers of that. At times, it pressed just the right buttons, the sluggish controls worked well enough to become invisible, the level design, some appropriate music and a smattering of ever-present nostalgia kicked in, and I was genuinely enjoying my experience with the game. 
 
It is those moments that make me hopeful for Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 2, but for now I stare in frustration at the product before me. It was made with the best of intentions, it is clear that genuine effort was made in every aspect of the game to appease Sonic veterans, potentially the most jaded gamers in existence today. 
 
And to those developers, I say: You are on the cusp of something awesome. Fix the fucking controls.