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Dave Snider's Eastern Bloc Game of the Year Brought To You By Dave Snider
Cryostasis: The Sleep of Reason
The best of the bunch this year was Cryostasis, a Ukrainian-developed first-person shooter that allowed you to jump into the past lives of fallen comrades while investigating a derelict ship. That game's frigid mystery and unusual story line seemed a bit off while we played, but then we got to the ending, and well... we're still confused. Cryostasis' ending alone scores five out of five stars on the only criteria you need to win this category... utter bewilderment and originality.
Best Villain
Helicopters
No disrespect to either Uncharted 2's Lazarevic or Brutal Legend's Doviculus--easily two of the most effectively menacing villains we've seen in a game this year, and two gentlemen we would never want to make the mistake of disrespecting--but 2009 was simply a banner year for antagonistic helicopters.
Maybe it's just one of those weird serendipitous things, like when you get two asteroid movies coming out back-to-back the same summer, or maybe it speaks to society's latent fear and distrust of unnatural flying contraptions, but there was just a volume of memorable enemy helicopter encounters in games this year. Then again, isn't it just a little too coincidental that some of the biggest, most memorable games of 2009 featured these hovering hate machines, including 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, Modern Warfare 2, Prototype, Shadow Complex, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine? More likely, these are all cautionary tales meant to warn us against the evils of non-fixed-wing aircraft. Either way, we've got our eyes on you, shifty, no-good helicopters!
Runners-Up: Zoran Lazarevic - Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Doviculus - Brutal Legend
Worst Game of the Year
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust
Not that the cheeky Leisure Suit Larry series has ever been freely associated with the upper crust of anything, but Box Office Bust lacks any of the playfulness or deliberately corny sexual innuendo that gave the Al Lowe-era adventure games their charm. Instead you get some lazy approximation of a cliche-ridden Hollywood send-up, filled with grotesque characters spitting venomous lines at each other. It's hard to tell who the game despises more, its own characters--most of who feature regrettable celebrity voices--or the player, who it punishes with infuriating controls and desolate open-world settings that seem to exist purely for the purpose of padding the experience with lots of needless running. It's such a repugnant concoction, it makes 2004's ill-conceived Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude look like a fun, appealing take on the Leisure Suit Larry franchise by comparison.
This is an ugly, tedious, stupid, mean-spirited, and profoundly unfunny game, and it should speak volumes that, unlike the other two nominees here, we couldn't bring ourselves to play enough of Box Office Bust to render a proper review. This quick look was the last time any of us could muster the necessary self-loathing to play this hideous game, and frankly, we probably deserve some kind of award for making it that far.
Runners-Up: Tony Hawk: RIDE, Velvet Assassin
Best Add-On
Fallout 3 - Point Lookout
Of the bunch, though, what makes Point Lookout so specifically noteworthy is the way it sums up some of Fallout 3's best characteristics. It takes you out of the Capital Wasteland, an area you potentially had your fill of by the time Point Lookout was released, giving you a glimpse of how hillbillies have handled the apocalypse. It's filled with memorable characters, none of which are as good or as bad as they initially seem (or are they!?!) The main quest is rich with the nihilistic humor and anachronistic sci-fi touches that are the hallmarks of Fallout 3's best quests, leading up to a no-right-answer finale that's still oddly satisfying. And, for you treasure hunters out there, Point Lookout is full of unique and occasionally quite useful souvenirs to bring back to your home in the wastes.
All this talk about Fallout 3 add-ons has got us antsy for Fallout: New Vegas, which is exactly why Point Lookout is our choice for best add-on.
Guilty Pleasure Of The Year
50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
It's not a great game. In fact, if you put it up against the eight billion or so other shooters that were released in 2009, it's competent at best. But it's so overboard that it transcends its dull shooting and becomes something that we'll guiltily return to again and again.
