The End of N-Gage

Gadget-focused web site Pocket Lint is reporting that Nokia is finally pulling the plug on the N-Gage platform next year. I know, right? I figured they had pulled the plug on that mess years ago. But Nokia is planning to shut down the N-Gage store in September of 2010, and the service side of it--meaning the community features for all of those awesome N-Gage games you're still totally playing--will run through the end of next year.

Of course, the N-Gage service isn't the only casualty here. There is also the robust and not-at-all-dead fan community for Nokia's cellular taco. We floated some questions past the admin of the only N-Gage-focused website worth talking about, sidetalkin.com, to see what he thought about all this.

But first, some history. Sidetalkin.com was the spot for the sidetalkin' crazy of 2004-2005. I loved it for its amazing photos of Frank Provo, but, really, the entire site was amazing. But it was brought to a crashing halt when Nokia released the N-Gage QD, an "upgraded" version of its device that no longer required you to hold phone conversations by holding the side of the taco directly up to your stupid face. As soon as I got my idiotic hands on new QD, we sent off the photo that would shut down the site:

 Anyway, here is the transcript of said interview:

Giant Bomb: I figure as the world's foremost authority on sidetalkin', you must have some feelings on this important issue. What will happen to sidetalkin.com in the wake of this important news?

Sidetalkin: I REALLY ANGER THIS QUESTION, it is not nice to me, THE SITE WILL NEVER GO AWAY like a TRAIN that is TWO LAYERS OF STEEL WITH ENGINE POWER BY WHITE GOLD NUGGETS IT CAN’T BE STOPPED…... CAN’T MEANS CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

GB: Do you feel that Nokia was right to abandon something as robust as the N-Gage and/or the N-Gage QD in favor of a software-only solution?

ST: DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE A STUPID MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE ANY PENS??

NOKIA was wrong 555% and i am angry, THEY REMOVE THE BEST PART END OF SENTENCE PLEASE don’t understand NOKIA ARE MY HEROES BUT THEY ARE LIKE HEROES WHO FAIL TO THE GROUND, LIKE ICARUS WHEN CRASHING INTO THE SUN.

NOKIA™ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ^_((((

GB: If you were running Nokia, what would you have done differently to ensure N-Gage domination in the marketplace?

ST: Firstable, SOME PEOPLE [[[not my friends]]] WOULD SAY “STEP ONE: NOT MAKE THE CUSTOMER LOOK LIKE INTERGALACTIC RETARDS WHEN USING PHONE"

BUT SCREW IT HOLE YOU GUYS ~~~ THIS ADVICE IS 155% BULLSHITS. SIDETALKIN’ was LIKE A WELCOME TO THE FANTASY ZONE, the WORLDS #1 METHOD TO TALK AND SCREEN FORWARD SIMULTANEOUSLY.

PROOF IS RIGHT HERE: SIDETALKING HAS NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFULLY COPIED BY ANY COMPETITOR!! not even china. BOOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT w/sniper rifle no cheating

so my advice would be simplest: TRY harder MORE advertising CHEAPER PRICE ALSO better ads FREE SALES AND GIVEAWAYS, finally MAYBE A HIGH-IMPACT STREET TEAM, but i guess it is now too late.

……………………………~~~

HERE IS TRUE STORY NOKIA® GAVE ME MONEY TO PROMOTE NGAGE QD on sidetalking website BUT NOKIA OUT OF PROTEST I WOULD GIVE ALL YOUR DEVIL NAZI MONEY BACK NOW!!!!! would but unfortunately I’ve spent it all

NOKIA HAS LOST ME FOREVER and now I HAVE A MOTOROLA RAZOR :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

RIP SIDETAKLING 1903-2005

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-Sidetalkin.Com Admin Staff, who may or may not be Cabel Sasser