Welcome back to another episode of my misadventures in a randomized Dark Souls. I've swapped around both the enemies (including bosses) and the items, leaving everything to chance by even throwing in items critical to completing the game, the Lordvessel and the Lord Souls, into the random item pool as well. No idea where they could be. Maybe I've already missed them? Wouldn't that be a fun thing to find out twenty hours into a playthrough? Oh, how we'd laugh.

I planned for this to be a two-parter but I got up to a lot of mischief owing to the unpredicable manner in which the randomizer apportioned its key items, so here's the dark middle chapter of a Dark Lord in-the-making. Witness, how the game gets surprisingly easy because of all the weird glitches this randomizer (specifically the enemy one) generates and yet I still run away from everything like a big old coward. Marvel, at how little I seem to remember about a game I've already beaten twice. Be aghast, at how shuffling around the items in an already obtuse game doesn't help navigating Lordran in the slightest.

We have Part One over here by the by. In case you didn't see it. Or just read them out of order; that feels more germane to the theme here. (And here's Part Three in case you wanted to skip the dark middle chapter, though just be forewarned that all three chapters are dark. It's Dark Souls.)

As a gentle reminder of what we were doing last time on "Why does Mento keep doing this to himself? Is there a psychiatrist alive able to figure it out?":

I remain in the process of hitting the two bells and opening Sen's Fortress, otherwise known as the first act of the game. However, their respective issues involve: a bad randomizer draw for the gargoyle boss fight that precedes the first bell; and being too underpowered to head through Blighttown to the second bell since I'd have to skip Lower Undead Burg and the Depths, which normally would provide the items and XP needed to brave the fetid swamps of everyone's favorite poison favela. Fa-venom-la. I'll be sure to workshop that as I contract all the known hepatisees and new ones beside from wading through what is raw sewage and probably worse. Can't wait.

Since my options are running out, my mage-to-be takes a brave few steps towards the New Londo Ruins: a haunted destination of waterlogged deathtraps I absolutely should not be going anywhere near yet.

New Londo Ruins (1st Visit)

• New Londo is terrifying. Dark and almost completely silent. Most enemies are inactive for some reason (something to do with the ghosts' behavior?), but what few are hostile are pretty tough ranging from snakepeople to those DLC shaman that throw dark fireballs at you to the Anor Londo silver knights. Lot of bonewheels too, oof. Those guys are great in a level full of narrow paths where you can barely see where to stand.
• Should note that I'm wearing the ring that makes your footsteps silent, so it's even quieter than usual.
• Rickert of Villheim had nothing. A standard catalyst that's way too expensive (half a million!) and some other trash.
• Only quest item I found was a key for the Duke's Archives. I'm sure I'll need it eventually so best to have it than not.
• Some enemies deeper within seem too high level for me and it's not like I can fight the boss(es) here yet so I guess I'm hitting Blighttown after all.

Blighttown (1st Visit)

• Picked up a Large Divine Ember near Smough in Valley of the Drakes. Not doing faith build, but kinda neat. I guess. Smough doesn't activate when you approach him from the other side, so...
• Interesting note: Smough didn't give any XP. I guess you only get that from the solo version of either of the pair once you've killed their friend and they've absorbed their power.
• Blighttown sucks as bad as I remember. The tree village parts are now filled with large enemies that get in the way of every bridge and ladder. We've still got some of those toxic poison blowdart guys in the mix too; not always easy to spot them in the dark.
• I'd forgotten that the entrance to Blighttown from Valley of Drakes is a one shot to the swamp at the bottom and the Quelaag (or whomever it is now) fight. Not looking forward to any of that without either more vitality or more poison-resistance items (or that rusted ring that lets you walk through the swamp at normal speed), so I bailed again.

Catacombs (1st Visit)

• Kinda desperate now, my next best bet besides moving deeper into New Londo or Blighttown was to check out the Catacombs via the Firelink shrine.
• A note here: Firelink has become less useful since I let Lautrec murder the Firekeeper. That dude just loves murdering ladies, what can you do? Point in doing that is that both Lautrec and the Firekeeper only drop their items during this "subplot" and either might have something vital on them. The Firekeeper didn't, but at least I got the item I needed to go after Lautrec once I reach Anor Londo.
• Incidentally, I've yet to find a single Firekeeper's Soul. They're out there somewhere. I've no way to turn them into Estus upgrades until after the Blighttown boss at the earliest anyway.
• Catacombs might actually be easier in this run because all the skeletons were replaced, which means none of the enemies are coming back to life.
• Only made it a little way into the Catacombs before finding the Basement Key for Lower Undead Burg. The randomizer managed to generate a nasty little bridge trap there by generating a fire-throwing lantern witch on a distant platform and blocking the way past with one of those big quadruped skeletons from Tomb of the Giants. Regardless, I'm haulin' ass back to the L.U.B.. Way safer than dealing with Pinwheel (or whomever) at this point in the game.

Side-Note #1

Gear change! The Drake Sword was fun but it's far too expensive to upgrade at 10,000 souls a pop right now. Instead, I've found an Int-scaling weapon in the Titanite Demon's round trident thing (it actually counts as a halberd). It's slow but the reach is incredible, and having inherent magic damage means it already outpaces the Drake Sword in damage after two upgrades (provided I don't meet something immune to magic). Only issue is the Twinkling Titanite I need to upgrade it: they're not particularly common items.

For the record, the weapons I'm looking for (after a little bit of research) are the Moonlight Greatsword, the Velka Rapier, and the Butterfly Horn spear. All are very powerful and have high Int-scaling. I think at least one of them is a boss soul weapon too which means I'll need to pass through Anor Londo first before I can craft it. Artorias's Greatsword (which I have the soul for) is another option.

Lower Undead Burg

• Goal here is to defeat the new Capra Demon boss fight, grab any items just in case, and find the proper entrance to Blighttown via the Depths/sewers. Not sure what will replace Gaping Dragon, but it'll probably be easier to look at.
• The main street area of Lower Undead Burg is kind of a chokepoint because originally the challenge came from clustering many weaker enemies together so they could flank you. With the randomizer, I had to tangle with one toxic blowdart Blighttown guy, a forest guardian knight, and at least one invisible bug on top of the usual venomous hounds and thieves. Not insurmountable, gladly: if I went with "swap any enemy" rather than just level-appropriate ones I bet I would've looked for a way around.
• Lucky find down here: the Covenant of Artorias. This ring is necessary for the boss fight in New Londo, if I felt up to it (how will that battle work with non-Abyss enemies, I wonder? Would they just sink through the floor like I would without the ring?). That's a Lord Soul boss though, so I don't even recall if the game will let me fight it yet.
• The female Undead Merchant had nothing noteworthy on her, at least in terms of unique items. She is, however, an endless source of cheap Titanite shards and poison curatives and very easy to reach from Firelink with the shortcut open, so that's a reassurance for when I hit Blighttown again or want to upgrade a standard weapon with an eye towards an Int-scaling route (still need the right ember for that).
• Capra was replaced by a regular Darkwraith, backed by a thief and a slime (sounds like an isekai). The close quarters still presented an issue. Just... not as much of an issue as it might have presented otherwise. I'm saying this dude was a chump.
• I don't have the Key to the Depths which means I've exhausted this route for now. Remaining options are to tackle the swamp area of Blighttown (might be easier with all that moss I bought), finish New Londo, or see how deep I can go into the Catacombs. None of these fill me with confidence.
• I believe I'll hit the Catacombs again since it has a bonfire near the entrance (the nearest bonfire to both Blighttown and New Londo is probably Andre's place in Undead Parish seeing as Firelink is out of commission, which in either case is still a heck of a walk).

Catacombs (2nd Visit)

• This place still sucks to navigate, but that suits its oppressive atmosphere. Some moderately tough enemies found here, including what I think are the silver knights of Anor Londo (they hit very hard, but don't seem as tough as the black knights). Seeing a lot of those RE4 butcher guys from the Depths too: he's (it's?) a one-and-done enemy in standard Dark Souls, but I've probably killed dozens of them by now.
• Found another ember: the Very Large one, I think the first of the major important ones for all builds. Later on I found a Chaos Flame ember too. The first magic one is the one I need now, though.
• Unable to form the Gravelord Nito covenant pact even after doing the whole "lying in an open coffin for funzies" bit, I guess because Nito's not actually here (he got randomized away). Either that or I missed a condition somewhere.
• The Titanite Demon that used to be near the coffin is instead some kind of chained up monster. Didn't recognize it so I assume it's a DLC mini-boss. It completely wrecked me, so I'm staying far away from it for now.
• Right near the bottom of the Catacombs I find my first catalyst. Finally. Swapped out my pyro spells for some sorceries. Think I'm ready for the "Queegoyle" fight now.
• Speaking of gargoyles, another one replaced Pinwheel. Probably an improvement in terms of difficulty.
• I'm not going anywhere near Tomb of the Giants until I have to. Finished up down here by visiting the skeletal blacksmith (bonesmith?) Vamos but he didn't have much in his inventory. Good source of cheap fire resin though; might come in handy at some point.
• So... I guess let's finish off the two bells and go visit Sen's and Anor Londo? Rather that than New Londo or Tomb of the Giants at my level. (For the record, I've still got the Depths and most of upper Blighttown left too, but I need some keys for those. Ditto the Crest of Artorias and the other half of Darkroot Forest.)
• Quick check-in: I'm equipped with a Titanite Catch Pole +2 and a Tin Banishment Catalyst, with Great Soul Arrow, Dark Orb, and Light as spells. Armor-wise nothing of note, besides the Crown of the Dark Sun supplying me with a magic boost. I'm still rocking the Crest Shield from before (100% Physical, 80% Magic resistance). For rings I have the White Seance Ring (more attunement slots) and Slumbering Dragoncrest Ring (stealthy footsteps).
• My current available locations include: New Londo (tough enemies); Blighttown (just the latter half, available via the Valley entrance); Tomb of the Giants (I have a light source, but the enemies will be too much); while The Depths, Darkroot Forest (second half), and Sen's Fortress are all locked up and inaccessible.

Undead Church

• Managed to beat Quelaag this time. Granted, I did take advantage of some nooks to avoid her sword attacks but I was also pushed back there by all the lava around the arena. I think if the battle kept going she would've covered the majority of the ground in orange goop. Enough to win a Splatfest, at least.
• She dropped the Moonlight Greatsword. This might be the best weapon for a pure mage build: it has S-tier scaling with Intelligence, fires off beams as an alternate attack, and is generally just a big cool sword for big cool guys like what I wanna be. I need 28 Int to use it (I'm around 20) and like the Drake Sword it's a dragon weapon that needs a lot of souls to upgrade. Fortunately, I already have a few of the Dragon Scale materials it needs.
• First bell rang! Finally, we're back on the critical story path. Take that, ADHD!
• The Pardoner dude in the belfry had nothing of note. He did have his own covenant item for sale though, so I guess those don't get randomized.

Blighttown (2nd Visit)

• Putting on my best anti-poison gear, I combed the swamp like I was searching for coins in the sewer. In addition to some useless crap I did find both the Key to the Depths and the Sewer Key, so I think I can fully explore that part of the game. From where I am now, I could probably do it backwards.
• The Quelaag fight was replaced by... one of those weird eyeball things from Izalith. The conical guys that ruin your gear if they barf on you. It died in four hits. I swear I shouldn't be getting this many regular enemy/boss swaps.
• Second bell rang! We're all set for Sen's.
• Demon Ruins is messed up: all the egg-infected undead have been replaced by some weirdos. I'm not attacking them because of the worms they spawn (those didn't get randomized).
• If I want to get further down here I need to fight Ceaseless Discharge (or whatever replaced it). As I said before, holding off on any Lord Soul routes until after Anor Londo. I think I'll need a lava-protection ring at some point too.
• One last thing to do down here before I start heading up the other Blighttown path: talk to Spider-Waifu. The Fair Lady cannot be heard since I don't have the Old Witch's Ring, but I fed her some humanity and got a nice pyromancy spell out of it. Always worth having the option to burn things to fall back on. I got egg-dude to upgrade my Pyromancy Flame too.
• Discovered that the way to the sewers from Blighttown is a one-way door going in the other direction. Disappointing but makes sense; it'd probably mess with some flags otherwise. Time to hoof it back down to the bottom of the swamp and head back up the way I came in.
• But first! I almost forgot about Ash Lake. I'm contemplating leaving this place until later when I come back for Izalith since the Great Hollow is so annoying to traverse, but there's a lot of items in here that I might need.
• Nope, too annoying. Gonna hold off until I find some way to mitigate fall damage.
• I can hit Sen's now but I might as well open the way through Depths and the Sewers since it's a lower-level area. At this point I'm working towards where I've already been (and conquered) but as I'm still only at 1 out of 5 of the key items necessary to complete the game every area counts.

Side-note #2

Speaking of stuff I want, here's a semi-comprehensive list in descending order:

1. The other three Lord Souls (the one I picked up back in Darkroot was Bed of Chaos's, as if that means anything in a randomizer). Also the Lordvessel, if only to cut down on all this travel.
2. Any Firekeeper Souls. I can't upgrade at Firelink right now but The Fair Lady can help instead. If I recall, there's another Firekeeper at Anor Londo too if I make it that far.
3. Speaking of more healing power, the Rite of Kindling would hit the spot also. That's what I'll need to max out at 20 Estus instead of 10.
4. The Butterfly Horn spear. I might be good with just the Velka Rapier and the Moonlight Greatsword though; I'm spoiled for choice already. I've also found an Enchanted Falchion which is another decent magic-scaling weapon, albeit one that has basically no range.
5. Soul of a Great Hero and any other boss souls. The former is the only "lesser" soul item that is still in the game—I've only found one so far, and since it's worth 20k it'd be nice to have another when I get into upgrading—and I've found a surprisingly limited number of the latter. I'm sure I have fewer boss souls than I've killed bosses. The boss souls I have (besides the BoC Lord Soul) include Sif, Artorias, and Gwyndolin.
6. Speaking of upgrading, I'd like that blacksmith kit that lets you upgrade your own gear at bonfires. It can't do anything that needs an ember, but I can get a head start on some items.

The Depths

• One of the most confusing regions to navigate for all its items, but otherwise manageable with the level and equipment I have, the Depths consists of a dungeon-like area (that also includes some kitchens) and beneath that a network of sewers with floors connected in a labyrinthine manner, usually via one-way pits.
• First thing is to free the Pyro trainer, Laurentius, who promptly vanishes to Firelink. I'll check in on him later. (For the record, the guy you want to free if you're a sorcerer/mage, Griggs, is in Lower Undead Burg behind a locked door. I'm hoping to find that key sooner rather than later.)
• Some unusual new enemies here: enormous monstrous cats. There's a few deeper in Darkroot that won't respawn, but of course these do. Fortunately, the sewers and its doors are too compact to let the bigger enemies through.
• Towards the end, where Domhnall usually spawns (he skipped the spawn because of the weird flags I've been hitting and is now in Firelink also), I finally found my second Lord Soul. It's Nito's. Two more left to find (and the Lordvessel).
• Gaping Dragon was replaced by Sif, making for a possibly tougher fight. The large arena at least helped: you want to create space to avoid Sif's whirlwind attack and then rush in to attack her legs. I thought I could make her jump off the cliff at the back (no way they programmed a sense of caution around pits into her behavior, since her arena has nothing of the sort) but nothin' doin'. Sif's one of the few bosses I feel it's only right to fight fair, anyway...
• There's no Blighttown door key in the boss arena, so I can't open up Blighttown this way (yet). It's fine: I was just at the other side of that door a little while ago, so I'm missing nothing.
• With that cleared up, it's finally time to hit Sen's Fortress. Lord help us. Actually, I'm looking forward to a bunch of nasty monsters walking into every axe trap.

Sen's Fortress

• Right off the bat I found the Annex Key. That opens a door in the Painted World if memory (and/or a quick Googling) serves. I'd previously found the only key I need for this place at the Great Hollow: the Cage Key that lets out Big Hat Logan (though I started with the Master Key and that works too).
• I've played through Sen's Fortress twice before now, so I remembered most (but not all) of the traps here. Even so, the randomizer did me no favors replacing certain enemies with bonewheels. Gee, thanks.
• Freed Big Hat Logan, so that's another vendor to check in on whenever I get back to Firelink, and in a cage just a little further along I managed to find my third Lord Soul: it's the "bequeathed" one given to Seath. Only one left is from The Four Kings. At this rate I might be ready for the final boss as soon as I'm done in Anor Londo.
• The Crestfallen Merchant, the one in the tower you have to jump to while walking along the battlements, is usually fairly nondescript as vendors go. Not so in this case. Dude had a lot of stuff on him, including the Soul of Manus (I'm sure I'll find a use for that), a Dragon Scale, some nice armor (including Havel's), and that ring that helps with thrust counters. He was also selling a shield for 1,000,000 souls. That's million souls! (I'm slightly terrified I'll find a merchant charging that much for something vital; if I was some rando who found the Lordvessel, I'd probably charge a million for it too.)
• There's a hostile NPC, Prince Ricard, up here who not only didn't get swapped but was also gracious enough to drop a Firekeeper's Soul. Once I get to Anor Londo I can get my Estus upgraded at last (I checked, it's not the one from the dead Firekeeper at Firelink: very important I return that one intact).
• The Iron Golem boss was instead... uh, The Gravelord himself. Wasn't quite geared up for that, but turns out the arena made him slightly glitchy and he couldn't summon adds or use that gnarly floor spike spell of his. He also couldn't reach me from where he started and I'm a mage with a lot of ranged spells, so...

Anor Londo (1st Visit)

• The enemy strength here is pretty high: there's a few of those big mushrooms and a quadruped skeleton beast from Tomb of the Giants right from the start, and of course we have some more bonewheels (one's actually on the high eaves that you have to carefully cross over to get to the second elevator).
• For whatever reason, the staircase leading to Anor Londo's castle is guarded by the Demon Firesage, the first boss of the Izalith area and a guy I only remember because Rorie insisted his name was pronounced like "Versace" (shout-outs to Rordawg, hope his new gig is treating him well).
• Versace's size meant I could pepper him with spells without him being able to reach me. I'm starting to worry the real reason I went with a ranged-focused character is coming to light.
• Big Fire Dude dropped the Moonlight Butterfly boss soul, so I can make the Butterfly Horn now. If I wanted.
• Can't access Painted World yet, but the broken chandelier corpse had the Homing Soulmass spell on him. That's a good one. You can prep it before enemies get into range.
• Bonewheel where the notorious rooftop knight archer once was. I hate this place.
• Another of those deadly chain dudes in the secret basement near the second bonfire. That's the third one I've met, but the only one I've managed to beat (with effort). However, the chests down here were a goldmine: we got the Crest of Artorias, so now I can go deeper into Darkroot; some Ancient Dragon convenant items I probably won't use; and the Darkmoon Seance Ring, which'll let me talk to Gwyndolin (hopefully he doesn't ask why I have his hat) (or his soul, for that matter).
• Since I have the ring, I went to see Gwyndolin. Found another Firekeeper Soul on a corpse near the bonfire down here, turns out it belongs to Quelaag's sister. Hope she doesn't mind me using it.
• Talking of meeting cool dudes, I went to see the Giant Blacksmith. Excellent luck here, as he's selling very cheap Twinkling Titanite. Managed to max out my Velka's Rapier (damn I love this sword; so fast) and some of my armor.
• Last cool dude to go say hi to was Lautrec. Got the Firekeeper Soul back: it'll be nice to have the Firelink bonfire back open for business, since New Londo doesn't have one.
• Bert and Ernie have been replaced by one of those big Anor Londo sentinels and... Lord Gwyn, King of Anor Londo, First of His Name, Slayer of the Ancient Dragons, Bringer of the Age of Fire, and royal pain in my ass. I could slowly regain the muscle memory needed to parry him into a long-due retirement but I'd rather build my stats and do this legit. Time to bounce for now—I'm banking on the Lordvessel not being in its usual location.

Mid-Game Check

The Lordvessel is still the missing linchpin so my number one priority is scouring everywhere I can now access to find it. Beyond that, I'll continue to fight bosses to earn the souls needed to level up for the magical oomph (technical term) needed for the harder outstanding boss fights. My Velka's Rapier +5 is definitely sufficient for poking mobs, but I could always use some beefier spells to whittle down larger enemies from a distance first.

Places I can go...

• Firelink. I can resurrect the Keeper and talk to Big Hat Logan, Laurentius, and Domhnall for their shop inventories.
• Darkroot Forest. I have the Crest for the door.
• New Londo Ruins. I think I need a key to reach the dam controls though.
• Tomb of the Giants. At least as far as the Lordvessel Fog Gate.
• Lost Izalith. At least as far as the Lordvessel Fog Gate and/or the big rivers of lava, if I don't find the right ring.
• Ash Lake. I feel more confident I can handle the Great Hollow now. The Lake itself is a tiny area, but I might have trouble with whatever replaced the hydras down there.

...And can't go

• Painted World of Ariamis. Missing a key item.
• Undead Asylum. Or at least the parts that are new. Again, need the right key.
• Duke's Archives. Entrance has a Lordvessel Fog Gate.
• Any of the Lord Soul fights in their respective regions.
• Kiln of the First Flame. Obviously.
• The DLC. I have no idea what the flags are for this now that everything's jumbled up. I think there's a crystal golem out there with a princess inside it? Or is that Onion Knight's daughter? I've yet to meet either.

Next Time: A coward retraces his steps, again, while consolidating enough magical power to go atomic.

The most Accursed sight here might be the grim specter of Games for Windows Live upon the cover. Brrr.

Hah, "Bonewheels in Anor Londo" seems like the sort of troll move you would pull in a Kaizo Dark Souls.(well, more kaizo than usual)
That Gwyn drop is a pretty good "Oh shit"-moment! Suppose he might always be the sword of Damocles dangling over any randomizer.