And so goes yet another game in the Humble Indie Bundle. The fact that there are more Humble Bundles than there are words in my blogs certainly isn't making this easy, and neither is my insistence on grabbing these in free giveaways, knowing full well that I have other games to complete. But enough about that. We must speak of Splice, a game that defies all reason.
This probably isn't a good thing to have in a puzzle game. You know, the type of game that relies on logic and reason. Now Splice is nothing if not consistent, so a lot of the reasons for for the reason-defying, well, defy reason themselves. However, let's start with the concrete elements I can point out, like how this game is as transparent as a brick. The whole point is assembling strands in a specific way, but the game isn't very clear on how strands behave when you move them. Why can I move this cell here, but not this cell? Why did this cell activate before this other cell? Why am I not allowed any more moves? Where do babies come from? Granted, the game has a tutorial, but it only explains the bare basics. Maybe this is simply the type of game you're supposed to work out on your own (more on that in the next paragraph), but there's more to it than that. Part of that is because of how things are graphically arranged (it's hard to explain, so watch this video and take note of how cells rearrange themselves), which, I have to admit, is difficult to work around, especially if you don't want your game looking all kinds of strange. Let's call it the best of a bad situation, then. A bad situation the game manufactured by its very nature, but a bad situation nonetheless.
A lot more of why this game makes no sense, however, is because so much of it relies on intuition. I don't even really know how to describe it. Everything's about feeling things out and guessing around until you get something to work. Want to talk things out or understand the underlying logic of this puzzle? It's not happening. Everything's subconscious in this game. This isn't even a bad thing about the game; it's just really, really weird. The closest this ever comes to turning sour is the difficulty curve. It somehow bounces all over the place AND manages to be fiendishly difficult at the same time. Remember: this game defies reason, which means that you feel really good for solving the puzzles....I think. Can I even say I get enjoyment out of this game? I mean, yea, I solved the puzzle, but it's hard to lord it over myself when I don't know how I solved it, which is how most of the puzzles in Splice work. Except near the end, when the developers throw you all types of misnomers, meaning they injected logic and sense somewhere in the game. YOU DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE AT BEING ILLOGICAL! Maybe the negative tone should be taken with a grain of salt, but all this information is absolutely necessary toward understanding Splice. Or, rather, not understanding it at all.
I'd love to end the blog there, but I don't think I've said a clearly positive thing about the game yet. That would be strange for any other game, but since Splice is such a strange game, it feels oddly fitting. And yet I am still compelled to compliment the game on something. How about that super smooth, calming aesthetic? For all the frustration I felt throughout this game, the look really kept me going. The 100% minimalist design keeps you entirely focused on the situation at hand and relaxes your very being. And the music....OK, there really isn't any music. Just ambiance really, but that works in the game's favor for reasons I have already mentioned: it calms the hell out of you. It's like a drug, only exactly like that. That's probably why I prefer to call it Marijuana: The Game: it has a dulling effect that the rational part of your brain cannot wrestle with. That, and it's probably outlawed in half of the United States.
Review Synopsis
- Splice is LSD: The Game.
- I'm aware of what I'm saying.
- Also, it looks good.
This marks the special occasion where I post nothing but Mario videos for two months straight. How do I start this event? With a Super Mario Existential Crisis, of course!
Wait, what's this doing here? This was supposed to go with Duke Nukem 3D, damn it. Who mixed up my schedule? *sigh* Might as well make the best of a bad situation. What we have here, good readers, is Dungeon Explorer, a game of absolutely no importance to anything ever. I think it became a series, but that's about it. That means the first entry had to be really good, though, right? About? I mean, it's a tad on the repetitive side, halfway between purposeful and just plain dumb, but on the whole, Dungeon Explorer is on the up and up. Why was I British in the last sentence? I don't 'ave a bloomin' clue, I don't!
Anyway, it all begins with an incredibly dumb story that's immediately ignored. So long ago, there was this civilization that was so totally awesome that you wouldn't believe it. Then aliens come and start being assholes. I'd point out the utter lack of justification for their behavior or the racist undertones, but really, I'm more concerned about how there are no sci-fi elements to be found in the game. It's as disjarring as a make it out to be, almost like they meant to call them "demons" or something slightly more logical. Then again, this is pre-Nocturne Atlus we're dealing with (somehow), so let's just be happy that all nobody has inexplicably changed race. Besides, my main issue with the game is how the set-up is pretty much swept under the rug. You don't really do much to stop the aliens or retrieve the stone they have that I forgot to mention. You really just bumble around from random goal to random goal, hoping something is accomplished in the end. The only thing tying it all together is vague mythology, but that's about it. Yes, I'm perfectly aware that the story isn't the selling point of the game, but that's no excuse. If you're gonna have a story in the first place, no matter how small or basic, at least put the effort in to make it work.
But as I said, this game isn't about the story. It's about shooting shit up! That's why the game gives you so many spawn points: so you can create a sickening Hell on Earth where monsters are constantly reborn only so that they might die shortly thereafter. Or maybe the level designer was really goddamn lazy. Sometimes, the various spawn holes look like they had thought put behind them, and other times, it's like they're just slapped about the map, like Mother Gaia's having another herpes outbreak and you have to help her through it. The same goes for the enemies, too. Ignoring their visual design (because I don't have the space to talk about little bald men pelting me with axes), they're all over the place, from enemies that will engage you on very specific terms to pathetic sacks of meat just waiting to be put out of their misery. It's confusing, to say the least. Well, regardless, it manages to pace the game well enough (sometimes; other times, you're just trudging through, hoping to make some sort of progress) and lend it at least some semblance of strategy, so I can't hate it too much. Besides, the boss battles offer enough straight-up action to balance things out.
If I were smart, I'd end the blog here, but alas it continues. For you see, there are RPG elements to Dungeon Explorer! Very weak, ephemeral RPG elements! For instance, a leveling system. Well, at least the game says there's a level system. You only level up at bosses, only your HP increases on level-up, and all the other stats are completely meaningless. So what's the purpose of it? I was going to say that it marks off areas you shouldn't go to, yet, but there are several flaws with that idea, like how I could go through those areas just fine, regardless of my level. I was also going to say something about it affecting character choices, but I think everybody has a long-range attack, anyway, so really, these features exist only to exist. But does it matter? Does any of it matter? The thrown-in afterthoughts really don't diminish the shooting in any way. It does that on its own. It can't decide on if it's smart or if it's dumb, so it throws everything in and hopes it makes sense in the end. On the whole, though, it all adds up to a somewhat decent product......Holy shit, those last few sentences describe my blog really well, don't they? I'm horrified by myself. I AM A MONSTER THAT I CAN NEVER ESCAPE!
Review Synopsis
- Aliens are invading! Do things until something happens.
- As long as those things are shooting and more shooting.
- Also, RPG stuff or something.
- Man, I should have saved this for my next blog. It would have made so much more sense there.
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