Hey, it's been a long-ass time since i've posted on any sort of forum, I have been avoiding comment boxes and internet discussions because I find people are too volatile and it was constantly making me upset. However, it's been incredibly difficult for me to ignore GamerGate, as my Twitter is blowing up with more and more pieces of information from both "sides", people calling it a culture war and yet saying there is no culture to be observed at all. I wrote a long comment on a Gawker article explaining my feeling at the time, and it didn't get approved. I had cast doubt over Brianna Wu legitimately being tracked down by some angry "gamer", thinking it was too convenient due to that Escapist article being published the same day, simply because i didn't want it to be true. I don't want to think that's what "gamers" are like.
When i think of gamers, I think of guys like the GB crew; sweet, caring people who have a lot of passion and knowledge. They are quick thinkers, and generally pretty clever people as they spend most of their day problem solving. I don't automatically assume that a gamer is the archaic marketing demographic 20 year old white male who is misogynist and homophobic, because I know many gamers who aren't like that at all. I have always thought of myself as a gamer, and I feel ashamed by the actions of the hate mob, but I am almost (ALMOST) equally as disappointed in critics who retaliate with shock tactics claiming my identity is "dead" and "over". I think most gamers want to be like Jeff, Vinnie, Drew, etc. they don't want to be known as an asshole troll unless they are deeply insecure people. I'm sick of hearing Leigh Alexander and Anita Sarkeesian act like they care about culture but their recent actions have mostly just been bullying self-identified video gamers. It's honestly hard enough to be a passionate video game fan in North American society, and I feel like that kind of instigation doesn't help anybody and has actively made things worse.
I don't get how no one understands this.
I used to go on gaming forums a lot, and I can tell you from experience that no one is randomly attacked for arbitrary reasons. Even Quinn's ex had to give the mob an egregious excuse to go after her (sleeping with Kotaku writers or something i forget), even though that ended up being false. It seems only those who have actively spoken out against gamers and things gamers enjoy have been targeted for harassment. Is it silly and immature? Yes, but I think it's unfair to boil their intentions down to driving women out of creating video games. They have chosen specific people, that have spoken out against their culture, to take down. When a woman starts riding for GG, they don't tell her to go away, they appreciate the support. They love to mention that Bayonetta was created by a woman, even if under the supervision of a man. They are absolutely a hate group, but their hatred is incredibly narrowed to focus on a specific kind of person that threatens them, eggs them on and flares up all their insecurities about themselves.
I grew up with very low self-esteem because people thought I was a loser at school, and I would get sensitive and cry a lot. I loved video games, but I also wanted to be with the "cool kids", I wanted that power. I would be a clown to get attention. I was exactly the kind of person that Leigh Alexander sticks her nose up to, someone with not much interest in culture aside from my nomadic, consumerist passion, but it was something I mostly kept hidden in regular conversation. In grade eight, I met my best friend, who is both a lover of video games and a passionate social democrat even at that age. As soon as he answered "yes" when i asked him if he's heard of Disgaea, I basically did not allow this guy to spend a lunch hour without me. I would talk to him about everything I was thinking, and he would listen. I'm happy to have met him so early in my life, as he has steered me in the right direction politically and culturally. I didn't always agree with my more traditional family, so it was great that I had somewhere to go where i could be more relaxed about who I am.
I was a member of a gaming forum throughout the past 13 years, and I acted socially inept in real life to get under their skin. I wanted to be popular, i wanted someone to care about me, because i was so used to rejection from everyone else. I'm going on a bit too much about myself (I left the forum over a year ago and have never gone back end of story), but the point is that this is who GamerGate is mostly. it's kids who were like me, confused and desperate to be somebody. People who think girls don't like them, when they probably haven't really been paying attention due to all their perceived doubts and beliefs about what women desire. People who don't want the only thing they can depend on to make them happy to abandon them, to have to play emotional picture books like Gone Home instead of full-control experiences like GTAV.
I want to defend the gamers. I want to defend myself being a gamer. I want new experiences, but I can still enjoy the ones I'm used to. I don't want anyone to feel left out of participating in our great hobby. I wish we could all see the merits of our personal beliefs, instead of constantly antagonizing one another. We need to be more sympathetic, both to the angry hate mob and to the victims, and stop putting our personal agenda ahead of everyone else's. Video games are a dynamic, adaptable, and different kind of entertainment medium, and we all play for different reasons, whether it's to enjoy a story, slaughter hordes of undead, realistically fly a passenger jet, or coach a football team. The industry doesn't just need new game ideas, it needs to understand that if they market their existing games to a wider audience, it will make them feel more comfortable engaging in it. People like to cite the Wii as an example of Nintendo reaching a more varied demographic and finding success, but the biggest game they have is still Super Mario Bros, a game enjoyed by a pretty general group. People just don't want the fun to go away.So while GamerGate is obviously misguided and muddled in its message, it disheartens me to see so many people abandoning the "gamer" label, as it's making me feel like I'm 16 being scrutinized for having a hobby and enjoying the culture of snacks and late nights associated with it. For now, I'm just going to call myself a "Games Lover" if anyone asks, because love is what this conversation needs right now.
Log in to comment