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Avatar image for smiley_
Posted by smiley_ (11 posts) -

So I dated someone outside my race and to my family it was the end of the world. I am a Latina and the guy was black. I am over racism and honestly I see beyond skin color. The media is such a big part of racism, stereotypes are constructed by the news with their negative remarks against races. I stopped dating that guy because of my family, I lied to him in order not to hurt his feelings. Have you ever came across a situation like this? If so what did you do?

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#1 Posted by Video_Game_King (36565 posts) -

A couple of times, yes. I don't remember what my family thought because I don't remember giving a shit.

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#2 Edited by SpaceInsomniac (5255 posts) -

@daisy_mrod said:

I stopped dating that guy because of my family, i lied to him in order not to hurt his feelings.

Welcome to 1967 :(

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I'm sorry that you're still going through this, in 2013. It must be a tough situation, and I wish you the best in dealing with it.

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#3 Posted by falserelic (5725 posts) -
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#4 Posted by bigjeffrey (5282 posts) -

It's 2014

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#5 Edited by Blu3V3nom07 (4291 posts) -

I guess I haven't. As long as you get along, I would keep up with it.

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#6 Edited by SpaceInsomniac (5255 posts) -
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#7 Posted by TheHumanDove (2520 posts) -

It's 2015

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#8 Posted by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

Only time I see this happening if you were a teen and had to depend on your family.

My family although, I feel since I'm Hispanic, I have to date a fellow Mexican it seems.

It wouldn't be in the way where my family would get angry with me, more in the way that they would criticize me.

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#9 Edited by Oscar__Explosion (2931 posts) -

So I dated someone outside my race and to my family it was the end of the world. I am a Latina and the guy was black. I am over racism and honestly I see beyond skin color. The media is such a big part of racism, stereotypes are constructed by the news with their negative remarks against races. I stopped dating that guy because of my family, i lied to him in order not to hurt his feelings. Have you ever came across a situation like this? If so what did you do?

Not me, but my sister ran into that same problem before she got married.

Avatar image for cale
#10 Edited by CaLe (4749 posts) -

No. My family know I'm not (aesthetically or culturally) attracted to my own race, and some of them even try to point out who they think I might like simply because they are a certain race.

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#11 Edited by alwaysbebombing (2263 posts) -

I'm a duder who is dating another duder outside my race, and people seem to be ok with it.

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#12 Edited by Slag (6825 posts) -

@daisy_mrod: That stinks OP

yes I have dated someone outside my race, but my family has zero problems with that. We have several intermixed couples in ours. Hopefully your family will see the error of their ways.

Online
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#13 Posted by Subject2Change (2971 posts) -

A couple of times, yes. I don't remember what my family thought because I don't remember giving a shit.

This.

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#14 Posted by LeYcH (221 posts) -

Yes and yes.
We broke up in the end.

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#15 Posted by Tenebre (26 posts) -

I'm Mexican and so far I've dated Asians and it hasn't been an issue for my family. Though on the Asian side, I heard comments from the parents about how one has to be careful with Mexicans, etc etc. I think they eventually realized it's bullshit though.

I guess I'm lucky since I know how Latino families can be about seeing someone outside your race. And that's stupid since most of us are actually mixed race anyway. I guess it's not so much outside race, but outside culture.

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#16 Edited by Justin258 (13890 posts) -

I've heard many times since I was a kid that "races shouldn't mix". I hate saying this, it makes my heart sink, but it's true. Sometimes I feel like the black sheep of my family. EDIT: Admitting that my family has at least some racism in it on all sides is what makes my heart sink. Gotta be crystal clear on this one./EDIT.

Honestly, though, I don't think they would kick me out or spew racist terms at me just for dating someone that isn't white. They're all bark and no bite. At the very least they have enough sense to keep their thoughts to themselves while out of earshot.

For the record, I haven't dated someone outside of my own race. Not because of my family's views on the matter (they already disapprove of video games and anime and jokingly call me a democrat, as if that's a bad thing) but because it just hasn't happened. I haven't found myself attracted to someone not white.

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#17 Posted by smiley_ (11 posts) -

@cale:

Yea i am not attracted to my own race either, and its frustrating because I can't be opened minded with my family :(

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#18 Posted by GERALTITUDE (5380 posts) -

I dated a girl once for three years and her dad refused to ever sit at a table with me until about year three or so (begrudgingly) because I'm "Muslim", which I'm not. Hard times for brown folks.

In the end I think it was worse for her. From my side of things I just saw him as a small man with a small mind from an old way of living. For her it was a huge problem. The father she grew up loving suddenly looked like an evil bastard. Hard times for white folks.

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#19 Edited by Tireyo (6713 posts) -

I've never even dated.

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#20 Posted by colorbrandon (190 posts) -

I'm Asian and I'm dating a white girl. My family doesn't really care as long as the girl is a good personality fit.

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#21 Edited by dungbootle (2502 posts) -

I have and no. I am Asian and the only person I've dated is a white girl (though race doesn't matter to me at all). Both of my sisters mostly date outside of our race and I know that they happen to prefer white guys. Parents don't give one flip. also f racism

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#22 Edited by jakob187 (22799 posts) -

I just wanted to jump in here to say that the one thing that pisses me off more than anything in the world are racist swines. Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish guts.

With that said, I've dated a half-Mexican girl. My family has no issues with shit like that, except my father's parents. Grandpa's dead now, though, and Grandma ain't gonna say shit since she's not very capable of doing anything. Therefore, the world is closer to right.

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#23 Edited by Scampbell (505 posts) -

Technically all humans are of the same race, we are all Homo sapiens sapiens.It is an absurdly common misconception, as also evident by the comments here, though I think most are aware of it. The fact that it is used so often by the media, politicians etc. cant help but influence us, as that is the way vocabulary evolves, we hear a sentence enough times and in the end we adopt it, without any kind of conscious decisions.

I think the word race in the context skin color and ethnicity is really detrimental to the fight against racism and we all got to stop using it this way.

Sorry for being slightly of topic and a bit of a dick, but I don't really have any good advice.

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#24 Posted by mlarrabee (3699 posts) -

Technically all humans are of the same race, we are all Homo sapiens sapiens.It is an absurdly common misconception, as also evident by the comments here, though I think most are aware of it. The fact that it is used so often by the media, politicians etc. cant help but influence us, as that is the way vocabulary evolves, we hear a sentence enough times and in the end we adopt it, without any kind of conscious decisions.

I think the word race in the context skin color and ethnicity is really detrimental to the fight against racism and we all got to stop using it this way.

Sorry for being slightly of topic and a bit of a dick, but I don't really have any good advice.

You mean in the fight against ethnicisism, right?

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#25 Edited by FilipHolm (689 posts) -

I've been dating a woman outside of my "race" for almost five years. My family is fine with it. Her family however, is not.

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#26 Posted by AlisterCat (6706 posts) -

Yes and No.

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#27 Posted by CollegeGuyMike (402 posts) -

Yes to the first question and No to the second. I've never dated a girl of my same race tho', so, I 'unno.

On another note, like, yo it's 2014 this shouldn't even be an issue.

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#28 Edited by Encephalon (1601 posts) -

Ironically, the only time I've ever had this problem was with a girl whom I wasn't actually dating.

I went to prom with my totally platonic friend, who is Asian. While there, she actually broke into tears at one point as her family gave her so much grief because I'm black.

I remember feeling pretty horrible, not due to any fault of my own, but because her family managed to torpedo her entire night in absentia. Ugh.

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#29 Edited by Yummylee (24646 posts) -

Welcome to the forums...?

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#32 Posted by Rick_Fingers (525 posts) -

My family never had any issues, including with the fact that I wound up marrying a girl that wasn't of Serbian heritage (often a big deal but my old world grandma had a gay son, so she was a fairly liberal lady, and my mum certainly never cared considering my dad is an Aussie.)

I think the tension about this is much less in Australia than it is in the States. Before I met my wife, I dated girls of several ethnicities and my parents were always fine. Their dads always hated me, but that was because I was banging their daughter, not because we were different colours.

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#33 Posted by TruthTellah (9796 posts) -

Fortunately, my family is rather open about it; though, my cousin did got some criticism from her latino parents for having a child with a black man. She stuck with him, but he ended up abandoning her and their child. Quite sad. Though, she has moved on.

I have a few friends who have married people of another race, and even with some family criticism, most eventually got over it. It can be difficult, but I think you should be with someone of another race if you want to no matter what your family thinks. It's like being gay and breaking up with someone just because your family doesn't approve of you having a homosexual relationship. You can't let the failings of your family hold you back from being with who you want to be with.

This topic always makes me think of the classic 1967 Sidney Poitier film "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner", which I recommend checking out. You can watch the whole thing on youtube.

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#34 Edited by Canteu (2968 posts) -

I had sex with an Indian girl once. Best night ever.

My family aren't bigots so no.

edit: on second thought, my dad and my brother might be slightly bigoted, but like I give a fuck what they think.

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#35 Posted by DeShawn2ks (1106 posts) -

@daisy_mrod: Yes I have and no one in my family has ever had a problem with it. I am black and my girlfriend is white. The majority of her family love me and welcome me with open arms. Her grandfather on the other hand doesn't like me and has no desire to meet me because of my skin color. It really hurt but thankfully her family has my back. Her dad said im sorry my dad comes from a different time and also fuck him.

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#36 Posted by gokaired (581 posts) -

I should be so lucky to meet someone of any race ¬_¬

My family in particular really don;t have hangups like that.

Seeing as my Sister and my Nieces, nephews, Cousins are mixed and we've got a bunch of white and Africans and "god only knows" in my extended family. We're mainly Black caribbean in my family.

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#37 Posted by smiley_ (11 posts) -

@deshawn2ks: Awwwww that's cool wish my fam was opened minded

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#38 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3906 posts) -

@duskvamp is Asian and I'm white. My family had no problems with it, and neither did hers (especially since they're a mixed family anyway). I had one friend comment "Yeah, I always thought you were that type" when I mentioned I was seeing an Asian girl, but he wasn't being racist; more trying to imply that I'm a weeaboo or something (I'm not; I think just because I play more video games than my friends).

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#39 Posted by gokaired (581 posts) -

@deshawn2ks: Awwwww that's cool wish my fam was opened minded

It's only natural for parents to want you to date in your race (or religion etc), it's another thing to go off on one just because they haven't.

It's just an attitude you gotta evolve out of really, they just need to deal with it. After all, not all Black people are dim, wit, no job, complacent, uneducated, violent thugs who listen to too much rap ;)

Do what (or who) makes you happy, because honestly, it won't last.

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#40 Posted by myketuna (1833 posts) -

My parents have already told me they don't care who I end up with as long as we care about and respect each other. Though, my dad has said he would like it if I got with a fellow Latina, but I don't really give a shit.

My younger brother, who is more of a Lothario than I am, has gone out with several different types of people and my parents haven't really cared.

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#41 Posted by smiley_ (11 posts) -

@gokaired: yea ur right.. to be honest its even harder because I am not into Latinos or any other ethnicity.. I am into black men. I've come across a lot who are educated and respectful..trust me I know all that try explaining it to my family its likettalking to a brick wall lol

Avatar image for darji
#42 Posted by Darji (5412 posts) -

So I dated someone outside my race and to my family it was the end of the world. I am a Latina and the guy was black. I am over racism and honestly I see beyond skin color. The media is such a big part of racism, stereotypes are constructed by the news with their negative remarks against races. I stopped dating that guy because of my family, i lied to him in order not to hurt his feelings. Have you ever came across a situation like this? If so what did you do?

So you were just starting going on dates or did you love him. If later why did you not fight. Personally If my family would do such a thing I would not care. Luckily my family has nothing against any race or gender as long I am in love and I am being loved XD

Avatar image for turtlebird95
#43 Posted by Turtlebird95 (3617 posts) -

This thread reminded me of the movie Shades of Ray. I can't really say how accurate it is, but it gets you thinking.

Anywho, no I haven't, but I know my family wouldn't give a shit if I did.

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#44 Posted by Skyrider (462 posts) -

I'm mixed race (Black/White/Hispanic/Asian, that I know of. There could be more) so I guess it's hard for me to date "outside" of my race. Or maybe it's hard to date "inside" my race. And given what I just said, clearly my family doesn't care. Maybe my exes' families might have had a problem with it, but if they did I never knew about it.

Online
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#45 Posted by smiley_ (11 posts) -

@darji: we just started going out on dates

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#46 Edited by falserelic (5725 posts) -
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#47 Posted by davidwitten22 (1712 posts) -

My parents were less mad that she was hispanic and more mad that she was atheist.

Avatar image for gogosox82
#48 Edited by gogosox82 (448 posts) -

@canteu said:

I had sex with an Indian girl once. Best night ever.

My family aren't bigots so no.

edit: on second thought, my dad and my brother might be slightly bigoted, but like I give a fuck what they think.

Even though the topic is sad and depression, this comment made laugh.

Avatar image for gogosox82
#49 Posted by gogosox82 (448 posts) -

I've heard many times since I was a kid that "races shouldn't mix". I hate saying this, it makes my heart sink, but it's true. Sometimes I feel like the black sheep of my family. EDIT: Admitting that my family has at least some racism in it on all sides is what makes my heart sink. Gotta be crystal clear on this one./EDIT.

Honestly, though, I don't think they would kick me out or spew racist terms at me just for dating someone that isn't white. They're all bark and no bite. At the very least they have enough sense to keep their thoughts to themselves while out of earshot.

For the record, I haven't dated someone outside of my own race. Not because of my family's views on the matter (they already disapprove of video games and anime and jokingly call me a democrat, as if that's a bad thing) but because it just hasn't happened. I haven't found myself attracted to someone not white.

Wait, your parents call you a democrat because you play video games and watch anime?

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#50 Posted by eskimo (499 posts) -

I dated a buddhist of all people and her family hated me. They were polite and all, but so cold.