Married Man Who Needs Urgent Advice

I am Italian-American. My wife is not. My wife makes Italian food on occasion and she does her best, but she never makes sauce from scratch and her food has never really compared to the sauce my mother used to make or the sauce I can make when I cook. We have a 9-month-old baby and we just hired a new nanny to help us out a couple days a week. This new nanny is Italian-American and because our baby daughter had eye surgery today, she cooked pasta and sauce for us to eat for dinner to help us out.

What if it is really good? What do I say? Do I say nothing? What if I am specifically asked a direct question about the quality of the food? This is a minefield.

This is an episode of king of queens, I swear.

Don't be honest if you know it will hurt your wife. That is my suggestion as a married man who's wife cooks some things that I honestly hate.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending to like food that you don't? I mean, if you two are married and love each other, you shouldn't let sauce get in the way of that. Just, you know, be polite about it.

What an odd post to see here. It is an off-topic forum, though. I'm not at all suggesting that this thread shouldn't be here.

Anyhow, if I were you, I'd just keep away from raving about it or comparing it anything else. I'd say "Mmm, this is very good" in an encouraging and complimentary way, without sounding like it's uncommonly good, or that you're not used to it being that good. Aim for a vocal inflection that says "pleasantly surprised," but don't actually say you're surprised. If you're asked directly if it's better than what you normally have, just go with the "It's different, but it is good."

At least that's what I'd do.

Don't bury the lede. How hot is the nanny?

Oh man, if it's really good you should definitely say so. As for your wifes cooking, can't you just talk about how you really like sauces cooked from scratch compared to the "jar crap". You should also totally spend some time cooking with your wife, with you leading and perhaps her sitting in the kitchen, helping out with a glass of wine. nonchalantly drop in how much better you think your sauce tastes compared to "dolmio" or whatever you guys have.

I bet there is food your wife makes that is simply divine and that you might struggle to make or are just not that into making, so use quicker options. In the end, is really a deal breaker? I'd guess not, because you married this woman and had a kid with them, right?

Either way, if the food is good, don't be embarrassed about enjoying it and your wife shouldn't be insecure about you enjoying someone else's cooking. Anyway, good luck. Honesty is always the best policy.

Also, video games.

Also, this.

Yo paisan, here's what you do. Compliment the nanny's sauce if it's good. If your wife gets mad, play dumb. If she pushes it, get mad and turn it around on her. The baby will start crying and she'll get up to calm her down. At this point, drop it and go back to eating your pasta. You just won the argument. It's been working for generations.

Good question. She brings certain assets to the table, but she's relatively young and married to a military man who is stationed abroad. Also, she's not as attractive as my wife. I'm not just saying that either, my wife is also way more attractive than I am. I'm a lucky guy.

@htr10: Jesus I wish this was the biggest problem in my life. Just eat the damn sauce and say it was good. Don't say anything else.

How is your cooking?

Most of the responses in this thread are basically advising me to act like an adult and not be a dumbass. If I could do that, I wouldn't have to ask for help on the internet. Your advice is actually something that I might be able to pull off.

This sounds like that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond with the meatball recipe. If she asks how the sauce is just keep it simple. Say it's nice. It's good. Whatever. Thank her for making it. Don't go out of your way to be obvious about it if you think its better. Don't say "This is the best pasta and sauce I've ever had!" or anything like that which might rub it in your wife's face. If your wife hasn't shown interest in learning how to make it from scratch then you'll probably just have to accept that. Not everyone is that into cooking, but at least she's nice enough to cook for you. If she has then maybe show her a few things about how to make it? Can't really comment too much on that since I don't know either of you well enough to step in on marital advice.

When in doubt use Yahoo Answers ?

If it is good, just say something like 'this is just what we needed after such an exhausting day'. That way the nanny will think it's a direct compliment and if your wife can think you're just saying it because you've had a busy day (which is why the nanny is cooking today in the first place). Just don't say anything like 'this tastes like the real thing' or 'this is as good as my mother's cooking!'. Avoid saying those things.

Dude...

Support our troops. Compliment her sauce.

Whatever you do, do not pick up the cans of spaghetti in the larder behind the kitchen. And do not, do not pick them up and throw them at people.

What is it with Italian mothers and nostalgia for their sauce?

Hope your daughter has the speediest of recoveries.

I know it will be too late to do you any good, but please forward this on to the Beastcast crew. I need to know Vinny's Italian married man opinion.

When somebody is gracious enough to make you dinner because they know your family has something to deal with that day, it would be unseemly not to be very complimentary about the meal. Your wife is using sauce out of a jar because it's easy, not because it can compete in taste with a proper home-made sauce. Complimenting the nanny's cooking is not insulting your wife's. It's not even insulting Ragu, really. If you really feel the need to say something to her about it, then you also need to be prepared to make your sauce for dinner yourself every time you have pasta.

Thank you very much. She is doing very well so far.

Please do this. I can see Vinny kicking his feet in excitement in solving your situation.

Update: Just had dinner with my wife.

As soon as we started eating, I started telling my wife about the movie Return to Oz. I told her that I saw the movie in the theater as a kid and it was the scariest children's movie ever made. I made her stop eating to watch a scene with the Wheelers from Return to Oz on my iphone. She didn't think that they were that scary. I told her that they were very scary when you were 5. She said that was probably true. She started telling me about how seeing Beetlejuice in the theater as a kid scarred her childhood. I interrupted her to say that the saving grace for Return to Oz was Tik-Tok. I got up from the table and demonstrated for her how Tik-Tok walked slowly around beating up the Wheelers. I asked my wife what if I dressed up as Tik-Tok for Halloween and walked slowly behind her like Tik-Tok walks while she pushed our daughter in a stroller trick-or-treating. She said she'd get back to me.

My wife and I agreed that the nanny's pasta and sauce was pretty good, but we really didn't talk too much about it. Thanks for everyone's input.

The attractiveness of the nanny in this situation is likely HIGHLY pertinent, otherwise the OP wouldn't be so afraid of the situation as to ask for advice (meaning, he probably already knows his wife is the jealous type and that she might overreact at a simple compliment for a gift of a good meal for them). Many women feel threatened and competitive with other women who spend a lot of time with their husband/boyfriend - especially when the woman is essentially the husband's subordinate - he has power over her and being able to make a living to a certain extent. It's a trust issue.

OP, I'd suggest you be honest if you like it, and just don't make it deprecating to your wife. If she has a problem with that, have a frank discussion with her about trust and why she doesn't trust you. If all else fails, you may have to move on from the relationship, honestly - you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life dealing with a jealous/irrational person, if that's what she ends up being...

Why not make the sauce yourself?

I love the urgency of this topic title.

But this is a hard question to answer without knowing your wife or your relationship with her. Personally, my wife and I are always honest with each other about stuff like outfits and cooking, "Yes, wearing socks with your sandals looks stupid. Take them off." "Nah, that new recipe was fine but I don't feel the need to eat it again." That sort of thing.

That said, it's not too hard to answer a question with "It was really good!" without making any comparison whatsoever to your wife's food. If your wife later asks, in private, how the two compare... then that's trickier.

Tell her she makes shitty sauce and make it yourself~~~?

This.

People need to know when their cooking is garbage.

The correct option here is to back up what claim you can do. You say you can make a great sauce, I say prove it. Give her a crash course on making great Italian sauce, make it into a fun little thing for the day. If you're as good as you say, you can certainly teach something how to do it.

Yes. This.

When your wife will be sick next you have to make your move. Make the sauce. Tell your wife that you won't take no for a an answer. She needs to rest. Wait to see if likes your sauce. Then the next time spag is on the menu, maybe she will tell you to do the sauce.

Long term plans.

Your relationship is built upon a throne of lies

I'm just glad this didn't end in tragedy

You're also right about Return to Oz - the wheelers messed me up as a kid.

How did this not come up the entire time you dated

i would just eat it and be thankful to the nanny. If she asks if it's good, just say yea it tastes good. No need to say whether it tastes better or on the same level as your wife's pasta.

This honestly does sound like the setup of an episode from some sitcom.

I am Swedish and my wife is Brazillian. She doesn't make the same Swedish food that my mom used to make but that's fine since I get to eat Brazillian food I would never eat otherwise. Your wife may not make the best Italian sauce but she probably makes something else really good. Or maybe her strength is not cooking but she is great in other aspects. Also if you are married your relationship should be strong enough to handle that you like another womans food. I mean it's just food it doesn't mean you want to marry the nanny instead just because she makes a better sauce.

I mean, unless you consistently tell your wife how disappointed you are in her cooking... it shouldn't be a big deal to tell someone else that their food is good. Unless she is hot. Just kidding.

I would've sneakily put things into the nanny's sauce while no one is looking to ruin it and avoid the issue altogether, but your way was better OP

Donnie Brasco and Goodfellas gave me the idea this is the proper Italian answer, and I bet it's the one that Vinny would give.

I honestly thought this was going to be about someone having an affair or something. Then I open the thread and it's all like "help, I might like another woman's pasta!" This is a great thread.

I'm glad everything worked out for the OP, though.

Fake your death.

What? We've all seen the documentary 'The Hand that Rocks the Cradle'. Excuse me for being concerned for my man's safety.

Teach your wife to make sauce. It's not that hard, it just takes some time.

Does she not make sauce because she doesn't know how? Because she's lazy? Because she's pressed for time? She can't taste the difference?

If she works all day then comes home and has like 30 minutes to cook, compliment her on whatever she makes. She knows it's not great, but she'll still appreciate the bullshit.

Why don't you just make a barrel of sauce and freeze it?

If your wife is going to get mad that you complimented someone who made you dinner, you've got other issues in your relationship besides sauce. That being said don't compliment her by saying, "Oh, man. Your sauce is so much better than wifeys."

A part of me thinks that you could show your wife how to make the sauce(?). Especially if there is some family tradition there, like my mom taught me how to make this and she learned from her mom sort of thing.

Besides that, be appreciative that you have someone cooking, says the man who is not married and probably shouldn't be giving marriage advice anyways.