The screenshot ballad of Heartbreakin' Hisao Nakai. Episode 4: Takin' it to Harlem.

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#51 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -


Oh, trust me: there's a way. An incredibly specific way.

#52 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十番目

I hope there's a Metal Gear Solid spin-off called "What the hell happened to Naomi's eyes". You will understand why soon enough.

I don't think mimicking her body language will make her more comfortable.
Knowing where this story goes, let's just hope he stays at "awkward look".
Even months later, I still have absolutely no clue what that thing on the left is.
"Like hell you can, you frigging brats!"
"You are very drunk Hanako place hand on shoulder." "Slurring I'm good to drive."
"It's a little unnerving, but I don't think Hanako n-and he has clearly grabbed a shotgun. That bus cannot arrive soon enough."
("I guess that explains her 'motion sickness' on the ride back.")
And his.
And that's where the King's Game ended.
All in the same room? That sounds....hideously depressing.
I'm more worried about everybody else. What the hell happened to Naomi's eyes?
And what solution would that be?
I fail to see the solution.
"Shizune, congrats on that last test. have shiny hair."
"At my old school, we didn't even have tables. Everybody just ate out of a trough. I can't tell you how many freshmen I've elbowed in my day."
[He DOES know I wanted them separate, right?] "You know I do."
That's right. I completely forgot how these girls would randomly applaud absolutely anything. Ah, memories.
" got anything planned for tonight?"
[Your guess is as good as mine.]
I thought that was Emi's thing.
He says, looking at the proof that they have trouble communicating. (It's a knife.)
Then what about Hanako?
"You were flicking your head to Hanako's desk, like, every twelve seconds. Shicchan thought you were trying to break your own neck."
"Hicchan? Are you.....OK?" "No, it''s fine. What did y...."
[Told you I could get him to cry. You owe me 1000 yen.]
I have to admit, that IS a weird face.
For once.
"Her birthday's coming up? Ooh, ooh~! We should get her someth-" "You don't remember the last time we talked about her birthday?"
Guess they owe HIM some yen.
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" "Of course, Hicchan." "........You're not very good at this, are you?"
"You mean like Shizune toying with your emotions?" "......I.....I've......"
Well, enough of that. How about an impromptu Kingdom Hearts reference?
"That depends. We talking about my feminist rebellion, or my bitching rock opera?" "Yes."
"So I threw my bowling ball at their faces. Last time THEY disrespect my game."
Has Hisao seen....well, any movie ever? I feel like he hasn't.
And just like that, I feel the strongest urge to Photoshop up a Daddy Kenji.
Government alerts? In case the feminists take over the military? You're letting me down, Kenji!
Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Kenji. YOU FUCKING KNOW I'M GOING TO PHOTOSHOP THAT.

And lo:

I did deliver.

#53 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

"You are very drunk Hanako place hand on shoulder." "Slurring I'm good to drive."

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And just like that, I feel the strongest urge to Photoshop up a Daddy Kenji.

Quick and dirty's the name of the game
#54 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十一番目

My tone for the next couple of updates:

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"Hanako never rails on about the feminist takeover of mankind. Maybe the Jews, bu-wait a second."
Yea, let's.....let's just get this over with.
"Your rhymes suck! Just.....go away!"
I start the game up again for this feature, and I'm immediately greeted with something that's deeply worrying. Today's gonna be a good day, isn't it?
Damn it, man. Now is not the time for running gags!
Something tells me that isn't entirely true.
"You want to try something nasty?"
What comfort are you talking about I say trepidatiously.
"Rin's out for obvious reasons, and I don't think Emi's strategy of fucking the sadness away would work well here. Lord knows where MIKI wandered off to. Mutou's probably too out of it to be of much help, and Jigoro...I think that speaks for itself."
Her therapist!
Turns out it's Lilly. Who knew something like this would happen, and thought sending Hisao in blind would be a rather dandy plan. Quality friend.
NOW IS NOT THE.....actually, it IS the time to hit the bottle.
"Then I remember why I'm calling."
"It's like I'm speaking with phlegm incarnate."
Damn Scottish accent.
This isn't the first time Lilly has completely run out of excuses.
"I thought this might happen." "Which is why you booked it halfway across the planet as soon as you could?"
.........................This is......
"Is it Akira? I KNOW you didn't get an aisle seat."
"I just can't shake this feeling that you're about to do something really, really stupid. Please prove me wrong."
That interaction has amounted to kicking back and chugging some brews. How I miss those days.
(Where do I fucking start?)
*awkward, nervous laughter*
And so we come to the pivotal choice in Hanako's route. What shall Babyface do?
Go for the good ending so I can stop feeling so on edge.
Oh, you dick.
"Plus it's a round knob. That might explain why it doesn't move far."
I have the feeling that it isn't?
Just you fucking wait.
("Should I tell him the door knob's been on the fritz?")
I don't think she was talking about Hanako.
"Did....did you try to cheer me up by insulting my complexion?" "................"
I.......I don't like where this is going.
"Because so far, we're still in my room. Just saying you haven't done a good job."
You know, for coming to comfort HER, you sure have spoken a lot about YOURSELF.
I am in such utter dread and fear of what approacheth.

Tune in tomorrow to find out why I've been so nervous throughout this update.

#55 Posted by SgtSphynx (1801 posts) -

You do this to yourself, you know that, right?

#56 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

Part the 二十二番目

And so today, we finally come to one of Katawa Shoujo's more infamous moments: Hanako loses her shit. Look.....I'm....I'm really shaken up by this, so here's what we're going to do: I'm going to post the whole thing in its own section first. That way, you can have some idea why I'm so....just fucking read it.

That out of the way? Good. Let's see if we can make light of the situation.

Oh sweet shit. I just realized that I'm gonna have to browse through every last one of these pictures against to get the right ones for the update. And then do the same when I post them to the wiki. WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF!?

Did I mention that Hanako has a tangible physical presence in this scene? Like, I can feel her edging me out of my seat? It''s all kinds of horrifying, to be honest with you.
"Because that attitude worked out SO well with the twin-tailed bitch you were plowing last month! Were you even listening to what Emi was telling you about being a white knight? Or were you too busy thinking about what your cock feels like rammed up her tight ass?"
"Why do you think I drink so goddamn much!? Every time I think I've found peace and quiet, I can hear YOU trying to fuck a girl to normality! No matter how much I try to drown it out, I still hear it, haunting me in every waking hour of my miserable life! I'm just lucky I haven't slit my throat already, you piece of shit!"
"And don't think I've forgotten about YOU, you inhuman goddamn monster! Things WOULD'VE worked out if you didn't edit the endings, you ass!"
"Do you think this is funny? You're exposing people's deep personal problems to the world and telling everybody to laugh at them!? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"
N.....neither do I.....
"And why exactly do I have to be Solid Snake!? Is it because we're both burn victims? Oh, real fucking funny, asshole!"
"Are you going to make a joke about that!? Huh!? Think you can get a good laugh out of this!? I FUCKING DARE YOU!"

Video joke the first. (This was supposed to be embedded, but technical problems are fucking that over.)

Yea, let's try that other option.
This is the exact same dialogue from when he agrees with Lilly in the bad ending. I'm not editing things around or anything. Pinky swear.
Those statements aren't related. He just really hates that fucking shopkeep.
I'd make a sex joke, but in lieu of everything that's happened so far....
"It may not be perfect, but this HAS to go better than last time. As long as I'm smart about what I say, I should be f-"
"...................................." "I....I should go."
Yea, I can......see w....
Yea, SHE's the one we have to worry about doing something foolish.
"Why can't we go back to the old times? When we'd eat in awkward silence, Hanako brimming with a violent rage?"
"Don't fucking push it."
"Doesn't make a lot of sense, if you think about it."
".......Forget I said anything."
"You didn't think this out, did you?" "..........." "Why doesn't that surprise me?"
"This isn't a trap or anything, is it?" "Not now, at least."
I guess we're ignoring the part where she dug out the game.

Video joke the second.

Well, I'm out of ideas.
Huh. I don't remember this.
I guess at this point, he's completely given up on the situation.
Or maybe we just hit a really strange time warp. I am so very confused.
"What are you doing here?" "Hell if I know."
Which clearly means she's going to vanish in about five seconds.
And this is probably why.
Exactly. Hanako has no problems getting around. That explains why she's been secluding herself in her room for the past few days.
"Her hand problems. I don't think I have to tell you what meth would do to somebody like Miki."
This is the ONLY reason I gave Miki her nickname. Not because she's missing a hand, but because I want to imagine Revolver Ocelot reading this line, and it's the most amazing goddamn thing in the universe.

And now, finally, after having seen:

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We are on the path to:

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Meaning I can finally post:

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#57 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

I think this thread needs a brain bleach mini-dump of cute Hanako fanart.

#58 Posted by SgtSphynx (1801 posts) -

You know what? I think I'm gonna skip reading this update, having to play through that scene was bad enough.

#59 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -


Trust me: you're missing out. (Besides, I sort-of segregated the scary bits. Sort of.)

#60 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十三番目

You know how in this thread, I've shown a strange fascination with combining Hanako and Metal Gear Solid whenever I could? ViolinSnowKid2 (a guy known mostly for mediocre violin covers of Fire Emblem songs) took a different approach: he combines Katawa Shoujo and Final Fantasy VI in the strangest ways. Also, he's an asshole to Hanako for no discernible reason:

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Damn it, Miki. It took me A LOT of effort to resist the obvious racism jokes. Don't you fucking taunt me.
Uni? You mean that girl who was born without any breasts? I won't question it.
Why do I feel like her answer is "drugs"?
Close enough.
You probably would have if somebody wrote a FUCKING MIKI ROUTE.
Take a drink every time somebody remembers Hanako's existence. If you're doing it right, you'll be as drunk as she is.
"Or what happened to me. I mean, I like a knife fight as much as the next gal, but Hanako really needs to learn when enough is enough."
Man, this class is really shitty at comforting people. I blame Mutou.
I don't think Miki is praying the gay away, Babyface. (Although that WOULD explain the lack of a Miki route. Kind of.)
"Iwanako!? How did she even......that fucking letter."
Bam. Instant proof that Miki and Hanako aren't the same person.
"Guess who got screwed out of a happy ending?"
That ain't happening. I hope.
You say that as though he hasn't eaten in a week.....which actually makes a lot of sense, all things considered. You win this round, Shalashaska.
Probably Emi.
No. Not in the middle of class, you idiot.
"Apparently." (Also "go come". What.)
"I want to have sex with her."
Man, you work FAST.
"You DO realize that I'm not Hanako, right?" "Wait, what?"
And then another sex scene ensues. It's like Shizune's route, but without the smell.
The rule of symbolism is clearly at play.
"Hisao.....this is a chemistry textbook."
"Fucking sho....".....Where the hell is Hanako? We've gone, like, eighty lines of dialogue without her so much as being acknowledged.
"God, this is a boring little shithole."
Oh, right. Remember HER? The person you invited to lunch in the last scene?
"Because I'm required to tell you that I AM carding today." "*slaps down credit card*"
"But she only took, like, a tiny si-" "KEEP IT COMING, YUUKO!"
I see you've sampled some, too. Your liver will thank you.
"Hisao? You said that out loud. To ME." "..........*quaffs down Hanako's drink*"
What the hell....?
...........OK, at this point, their dialogue has completely melted. How about we skip to the next scene and hope things resolve themselves?
Aw, shit.
Apparently, the letter sent him into such shock that he temporarily went colorblind.
But in time, the letter gave him psychic pen prowess. That's the only way to explain this screenshot.
Fine. I'm not telling those jokes, again.
Even three acts later, he completely ignores staring at the scars she's sensitive about. Goddamnit.
What's on the other side of the door? Hopefully not a knife. Tune in tomorrow to find out!

#61 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

So I'm watching Blue Spring Ride/Ao Haru Ride, and it appears the main character Futaba shares a penchant for certain scents with our mutual friend Hisao.


Bonus reaction shot:

#62 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

@smcn said:

Wait, he smells like shampoo? Not his hair? How does that work? Is there some shampoo-scented cologne for sale that I've never heard of? And on that note: what does shampoo smell like, free of fruit scents? Her lack of description confounds me. At least Babyface was courteous enough to tell us what the shampoo smelled like. (Bananas and strawberries, if I remember correctly.)

#63 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

Is there some shampoo-scented cologne for sale that I've never heard of?

He doesn't start wearing cologne until they get to high school.

EDIT: Maybe she's more descriptive in the manga. Adaptations always leave out the best parts.

#64 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十四番目

I'd say that I'm surprised nobody pointed out the glaring plot hole yesterday's update introduced, but given how many people are reading this...well....

Hey, guess what? New update!

"How would I know?"
It all makes sense until you remember what direction her desk faces.
"Wanna see something you'll never forget?" "You mean something I'll forever regret?"
What could possibly be more awkward than this?
How about this?
"I can only imagine what she's thinking."
"We've been like this for......eight minutes. Do you wa-" "You blinked. I win." "DAMN IT!"
"There is no other choice."
"I just hope my erectile dysfunction doesn't kick in right about now."
*giddy schoolgirl giggling*
"Makes me feel like a creepy flasher, to be brutally honest. But,'s out there. All four inches of it."
Oh.....he was talking about his scar this whole time.
In retrospect, he made that fact pretty obvious.
Oh, go fuck yourself.
"....not what I was expecting."
"I know. I remember Emi taking a while to notice."
As your strangely cocky smile (no pun intended) clearly demonstrates.
Stealth sex scene, I take it........I demand a video feature of that very name.
I'm a little confused. Are watches really popular in Japan?
"Three, to be specific. I'll let you guess which ones."
What I'm saying is, "Be glad that this isn't a video feature."
"How have you gotten so out of shape? Look at you. You're disgusting."
Shizune, why do you even own a phone?
"Right....behind you." "Wh-OH GOD!"
"Man, fuck Hanako. I need something to DRINK."
"Because I can feel your sweat making its way into my shoes."
At this point, I'm starting to feel bad for the guy. Maybe I should send him back to the Emi thread until he can laugh without exhausting himself.
"Hanako, looking nice? WHAT ILLUSION IS THIS!?"
Like, he'd just yell at her out of nowhere as soon as things became even remotely quiet. Goes a long way toward explaining Hanako's current expression.
"Are you....hitting on our waitress, Hisao?" "Not at a-" "Because I don't think she's going to like your puns."
("Fucking tramped up hussy.")
In that we haven't seen either one of them.
"There was no possibly way it would've been legal."
Is this the trendy new pick-up line? Kids these days.
I guess I haven't been too far off with the whole "crazy stalker" bit. In retrospect, that probably explains Hisao's neck-flicking tendencies.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look behind my shoulder about a billion times.

#65 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
#66 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

@smcn said:

This is every kind of great.

I was planning on making more for each character, but I am unbelievably lazy.

#67 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十五番目

It's like the entrance to Hogwarts. Only with nipples.

"So then she pays the bills for it?" "......................." "...........Uh.....Hey, Lilly's pretty important to you, isn't she?"
"That's not what you were saying in your bedr-" "*seething rage glare*" "...........Aaahhhh.........."
............That's one way of putting it.
"Oh, you mean nipples?"
"But they're all arranged horizontally. I call it 'My Ring of Shame'."
So Hanako, Shizune, Misha, and about twelve other characters are all part of the same family?
Wait a minute. Didn't we cover this "true self" plot point back in Lilly's route? What is it with flower girls and their difficulty expressing their inner selves? Well, at least it ends here.
"Eh, I'm in a good mood. What's on your mind?"
("Great way to fuck that up.") "What?" "Nothing."
Look at her. This girl's ready to fuck some shit UP.
Should I acknowledge this as a sad moment? I mean, there isn't sad music playing, but this feels like a sad moment.
"But how do I get the waitress' number without Hanako noticing?"
I guess that answers that question.
Harlem Ikezawa: Motherfuckin' Keyblade Master.
"Really? It had to be a pun?"
A smile infestation spreads throughout the whole city. The government puts it all under quarantine. The end.

And in case the video doesn't embed again, here's a link to the dumb joke I made. Anyway, back to the story.

As have been playing for the past two minutes it took me to type out these jokes.
That's the last we'll e-
Or maybe it was Hanako. Was there ever a Miki to begin with?
"Yesterday was more of a brunch, really."
"That fucking bitch! Why can't she just open up to me like a regu-"
"You didn't hear that last part, did you?...................Hanako?"
With Hanako? NO!
The more I play this game, the more I realize that there's probably, like, one decent parent in this entire world.
"Bunch of mouth-breathing bastards, always trying to get in a girl's b-" "Hanako." "......You're still here?"
Man, your caretakers were unsettlingly lax, weren't they, Hanako?
"Some of them even wrote 'get well soon' across my chest." "I know. I saw some of that the other day, remember?"
That was one of the bad times.
Kind of like me....................Wait a minute.............
"It was a surprise birthday party." "Oh..........."
I like to imagine Hisao's old school was something like this:
"Really? That weak bullshit? I....I just....*pinches bridge of nose, starts rubbing eyes*..."
"Yes, you look far less ridiculous now."
She didn't want you looking like a skinhead.
"In that there's still feeling in my arm."
Have you checked your watch? Or looked outside?
OH. Uh..........this is.........uncomfortable.

I know this is in no way relevant to this particular update, but it's one of those videos I couldn't post because of bad ending spoilers, and damn it, you can't pass up something this weird:

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#68 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

#69 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十六番目

"Either Hanako is mocking me, or she doesn't know how clothes work. I honestly can't tell with her."
"Oh, nononononononono, there's no possible way this could end w-"
"But you already did that, so there's absolutely no need for you t-"
"Is that it? Lots of people have tattoos, Hanak-" "Do you THINK that's what I wanted to talk about?"
D.....drink up?
("And I thought I was uncomfortable BEFORE.")
Hey, Hanako? You know all those times I said that you were cute? I meant every last one of them.
"Was......was that supposed to comfort me?" "I don't even know anymore."
Wait, we're going sex scene now? God, even Hanako's checking out. (Not that that will make things less awkward.)
Not that there'd be much to show her, anyway.
Do I go with the obvious "stimulation" joke, or point out that he had less of a problem whipping out his surgery scars than he does his penis?
Uh....did Hanako's breasts grow a size between screenshots? (Not that you can tell, obviously.)
That explains why Hisao's so eager. And why Harlem's so anxious.
It's not so nice when you hear the music. Man, I feel kinda bad that Hanako can't enjoy her own sex scene. That's just....
Yes. That is the face of arousal.
"You're not going to have another heart attack on me, are you?"
I hope that something is "ask her".
This is one of the only condoms in the entire game. You're a lucky girl, Hanako.
"And the other girls ENJOYED this!?"
What makes you say that?
HOLD THE FUCK UP. I know you can't see this, but Hisao's not wearing the condom. HE'S NOT WEARING THE CONDOM. HISAO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
Oh, yea. Where is she?
Oh....she's right here. Well, then. How about we check on every other character we've met so far?
Wait, I think we're skipping ahead.
"I don't know if I should be grateful or traumatized." - Hanako.
"Man, what a rush. I think I want more. More. MO-"
"You know what? I think I'm fine with what I've got."
That's better.

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#70 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

I was listening to this new Frenssu track while reading the thread. Somehow this gif matches up perfectly while simultaneously not matching up at all.

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#71 Edited by ChrisTaran (1780 posts) -

Oh no. I was catching up with this over a couple days and now I'm all caught up! The suspense of the next update is killing me! (Loving this series btw, thanks for the amusing work :p)

Played through KS back when it first came out, so been a while since I've visited it. This is making me want to give it another play-through. Oh, and Hanako is easily the best girl. <3

#72 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

Oh, and Hanako is easily the best girl. <3

She's up there, but....stick around for the next thread. Rin's going to give Harlem a run for her money.

#73 Posted by SgtSphynx (1801 posts) -

Yeah, Rin is probably my favorite character in KS.

#74 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二十七番目

Fun fact: Hanako is the only main character in the game who doesn't go onto the roof in her own route. Or into Babyface's room. What's that got to do with this update? Fucking nothing. Enjoy your happy ending.

What a heartwarming moment.
What a great way to fuck up that heartwarming moment.
"Morning wood. Feels good."
So having sex with Hanako is like staying at the hospital?.....That's.......
"I do, however, see several empties littered on the floor. Oh, god."
I like how for a brief second, he implied that he would wear Hanako's panties.
This is the GOOD ending, right? I'm not playing some weird, gender-swapped version of Hanako's neutral ending, am I?
Normally, that would be "good morning", but....well, I think you know.
Remember this joke? Remember this from, like, four months ago? Oh, those were the days.
BACK THE FUCK UP. What sink is he talking about?
I don't see a sink anywhere in this room. Does he think that humidifier on her shelf is a sink?
Shizune, do you remember what happened the LAST time you pried into their business? (Sadly, there's a good chance she does.)
Fucking punmaster.
See? Even Hanako's not into it.
"This is bad. Really bad. Hopefully, we can patch th....Oh shit. Did I say that last part out loud?"
"Get oooouuuut."
Shizune, we've been o-
"I kind of wish I had time to say that to her before Mutou broke my shins."
"Well, when a man and a woman both get each other VERY drunk..."
Geez, I don't remember Hanako's ending being so Spec Ops-y.
So she saw.
So those jokes about forgetting you........I'm......I'm REALLY bad at this, aren't I?
"I mean, I confirmed as much with all the 'Hey, remember Hanako' jokes....and when everybody left my thread to die...But still, I want to hear it from YOU."
Choose your next words carefully.
Sounds kind of dickish when you put it like that. And when you look like that.
Look at that. A genuinely heartwarming moment.
Go ahead, Aigis. You can watch.
"WAIT A SECOND. Are you saying you actually WERE interested in Yuuko?" "Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh.........."
Says the shoujo with the strongest thread thus far.
Careful what you say, Hanako.
That's the second time this update. Is Hisao allergic to emotional moments or something?
"Now are you gonna give me a handjob in the park or what?"
You two have ruined some poor squirrel's day.
I swear, if the fucking G-man crashes this moment...
How about I just show you guys?
But not before one last shoulder touch.
"........So, what do you think?.........Well, don't just stand there, silly. Why don't you say something?.........Hisao? Aren't you going to say something?......."

Well, that was......unexpected. First order of business: post the remaining Hanako shots I have:

And with that taken care of, join me in the last thread tomorrow, where we find out just what the fuck happened.

#75 Posted by ChrisTaran (1780 posts) -

Aww, such a sweet ending. I'm talking about Kenji of course.

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