Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside

Kobe Bryant is the pinnacle of the human species. In fact he is more than just a man, he is a god. His touch created this beautiful earth, so in turn it was of his divine hand and spirit that blessed us with this masterpiece of a game. While all you hipsters are playing your NBA 2ks and NBA Lives, I am basking in the glow of the opening screen. It is pure bliss. I challenge you to find a gaming experience as interesting and compelling as when you are given the opportunity to admire the curvature and structure of Kobe's face. The subtle "Press Start" indicator at the bottom of the screen is a chilling reminder that the meat of this game is still to be seen. And let me tell you, that meat is ripe for the picking and when you see it your life will forever be changed.

For a game that is well over a decade old, the graphics stand up with and even surpass great looking contemporary combat games like Wii Sports. The graphical style on its surface may appear to be too blocky and jagged, but that is what makes the graphics great. Most current gamers have very unsophisticated palates and only like mayonnaise on their hot dogs, if you will. To me and my fellow intellectuals and appreciators of fine art the graphics are pure perfection. And you know what I say about perfection, you can't mess with it. Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside features better looking hair than any other video game ever released. Most basketball players all have bald, buzz cut, or afro style of hair. This is a very accurate depiction of the average NBA player. You don't have to deal with the ugly floppy hair of white players like Dirk Nowitzki.

Graphics are just a small piece of this pumpkin pie. Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside introduced a number of revolutionary gameplay mechanics never before seen by the naked eye. One of the most exciting aspects of the game is the ability to hang on the rim. Thats right, I said hang. You can hang on the rim as long as you want (until the ref blows the whistle). This is amazing never before seen technology, and it isn't even a part of any of the modern NBA games. It is also incredibly easy to steal inbounds passes after scoring, even with obese players like Shaq. This makes it very possible to score 200+ points per game with one player. This amazing gameplay feature allows you to feel like a god. God of War tried to give you that feeling, but failed (although it is important to note I haven't played more than 5 minutes of that button mashing piece of **** game). You can die in that game. Their is no death in this game, because your players are invisible. Sure there might not be the obligatory threesome mini game, but the sexual experiences of your favorite basketball players is implied and left to your imagination. Exactly how I like it. Have you ever dreamed of laying in bed with your favorite superstar? Well now it is possible.

Is this the best basketball game of all time? Yes. Is this the best video game of all time? Yes. Is this the best experience you will ever have in your life? Maybe. If you are fan of a bad basketball team like the Blazers, Cavs, Jazz, Suns, and every other NBA team except the Lakers, this game will bring you the most joy of your life. But for us Lakers fans who get laid, get paid, and win championships, this game is superb, but it is just one small blip of joy on our Game of Life. And by the way, I hate that game. The Game of Life is not worth playing because it is full of mormon propaganda. Thank you for reading my review, and if you haven't played this game, do yourself a favor and buy it. This is a system seller, killer app, AAA title, and all the other words for good games that you nerds use.