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CanuckEh
Nov. 5, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Uncharted 2: Among Thieves3 days, 1 hour ago
Pretty fly for a white guy. : Oh Uncharted 2, how hard you try. Uncharted 2 feels like that one insecure kid at school that puts too much effort into fitting in. He buys the most expensive pre-torn jeans and matching Rocawear shirts, and totes the newest IPhone (he’s in Grade 5 by the way) so that he can post more text in Twitter updates per day than this review’s length. However, the fear of being ...
Oct. 30, 2009
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1 week, 2 days ago
Nothing to get soiled over: The female orgasm and gaming have by and large been kept two separate entities for decades. While its easy for male gamers whom have never known a kiss beyond their mother to seek arousal from a blocky Playstation-era Lara Croft and her triangular cleavage, women tend to need a bit more. The onset of force-feedback controllers and in particular that Rez vibrator thingy have given grrl gamers too ashamed ...
Oct. 26, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards1 week, 6 days ago
Birthday bust (a not very professional review): Here’s where you cross your fingers and hope that your good friend doesn’t read your internet reviews. There is no greater way to devalue the birthday present that you’re fixing to give someone than for them to learn that you’ve slagged their present-to-be. And really, what kind of person buries the very gift they’re about to wrap and hand over? I don’t know. I don’t know. As long as ...
Oct. 23, 2009
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2 weeks, 2 days ago
Bowser deepthroats Mario: Bowser is heartless indeed. Seriously, I’ve been exploring his insides and he doesn’t seem to have a heart. There are an assortment of nodes, cavities and assorted “regions” but during my entire time spelunking King Koopa, I’ve been unable to find a heart. Or much of a brain either, though Nintendo may have intended that to be the joke. There aren’t any kidneys or bladder, though, so I wonder ...
Oct. 20, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Brütal Legend2 weeks, 5 days ago
The gods of metal are confused: There is something powerfully ironic about Tim Shaffer’s Brutal Legend, a game designed to be a love letter to heavy metal…a letter which would likely include a parcel containing a still-beating human heart/ After all, it got published by the biggest third party developer and subsequently sued over by the second-biggest company over publishing rights. Maybe it’s that “selling out” is the anti-thesis of metal-ideologies (ideologies that I guess ...
Oct. 13, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days3 weeks, 5 days ago
The worst named game of 2009!: Kingdom Hearts is a lot like that daughter of yours that started life so cute and innocent, but progressively grew more rebellious and spiteful of you and authority. Her pink dresses turned to black leather, her pink hairbands turned to spiked collars with matching wrist scars and your conversations turned from “I wuv my dadday” to “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!” The first Kingdom Hearts was a fun, innocent piece ...
Oct. 12, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Need for Speed: SHIFT3 weeks, 6 days ago
Shaft your opposition: I halfway feel bad for underground illegal street racers, for their culture has stagnated in the eyes of the world. After a couple dozen Fast and Furious movies, a couple dozen more bad spinoffs (who remembers “Torque”?) and far too many wave-riding video games with matching trip-hop soundtracks and badly-voiced characters whom wouldn’t know machismo if it bit them in the nuts, (and Nick Hogan’s little jaunt) people are ...
Oct. 3, 2009
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1 month ago
I've got a bone to pick: I’ve only sparingly heard of this before. But apparently, there are Singstar parties happening all around the nation. People from far and wide gather in groups to huddle around their Playstation to sing, dance, remember that they’re not scored on dancing and get back to singing. I’ve only known one Singstarian in the past and she was from the Land Down Under, so I dismissed this as an international ...
Oct. 1, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed SingStar: Queen1 month, 1 week ago
Anyway the cash flows, doesn't really matter to me: First and foremost, Singstar: Queen and all Singstar games must be imminently docked in points for breaking “the truce.” By “the truce”, I mean the unofficial agreement that Harmonix, Activision and whomever else that is making music games obey in making all of their games compatible with all major instrument controller adaptors. I can play a Guitar Hero game with a Rock Band drumset, a Rock Band game with ...
Sept. 28, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Scribblenauts1 month, 1 week ago
Absolute imagination corrupts absolutely: Nauts-based video games have made something of an impact on our gaming culture. Tim Shafer’s Psychonauts is a universally praised platformer and work of genius the likes of which will always feel like a perennially-underrated underdog, regardless of how much adoration it may receive. Hideo Kojima released a game called Policenauts about…well I don’t know what exactly Policenauts is, but the Metal Gear Solid games keep referencing it in ...
Sept. 27, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Shadow Complex1 month, 1 week ago
Inferiority Complex: Previously in my Super Metroid review, I had made numerous petty swipes at the critically acclaimed Shadow Complex for imitating the master but missing the point. When I wrote that petty cheapshot disguised as a review for an all-time classic, I was but two-thirds of the way finished playing Chair’s downloadable Xbox Live Arcade release. And now that I’ve finished the game, I’m proud to report that I was ...
Sept. 24, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Uncharted: Drake's Fortune1 month, 2 weeks ago
Exploring the long lost land of the bargain bin: For almost two years now, I’ve been refusing to buy Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune on account of the game’s $70 asking price on the free market. While some of the praise lent to the game by friends of mine tantalized me into making the plunge, I could never bring myself to invest money in the archetypical “next-generation game.” By that term, I mean that Uncharted has cutting-edge technology, “Hollywood-esque” story ...
Sept. 23, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed The King of Fighters XII1 month, 2 weeks ago
Some very powerful hair: Call the King of Fighters a precursor to emo culture if you will. A bunch of pale, teenage, sometimes-effeminate male fighters (and masculine-female fighters that are at least a bit more gender-obvious, if just because of their big boobs) flinging fire, ice, crystal or blood-attacks with either the greatest of ease or angst. In a way, the King of Fighters series is like the many “underground” emo bands my ...
Sept. 18, 2009
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I guess so! That was such an awesome line that now I CAN'T remove that typo.1 month, 3 weeks ago
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CanuckEh reviewed Marvel Ultimate Alliance 21 month, 3 weeks ago
I Pledge alligiance to the flag...: A little while back, a pre-Mickey Mouse Marvel Comics made a bit of noise with the Civil War storyline that pitted heroes against heroes over government legislation. It was intriguing in its parlaying of real-life events and made for an eventful time to be a comic book fan…or at least eventful enough to mark the one time in history I consistently read a comic book series as it happened. ...
Sept. 13, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed The Beatles: Rock Band1 month, 3 weeks ago
The Beatles: World at War: The Beatles: Rock Band is a mighty collaboration between numerous video game and music companies of which I cannot possibly be made to list. If anything, I can imagine a behind-the-scenes war between Apple Corps and Harmonix over the order of titling with one side refusing the title of “Rock Band: The Beatles” or “Rock Band Beatles Track Pack.” But in any event, money will be paid, royalties will ...
Sept. 12, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Super Metroid1 month, 3 weeks ago
Shadow Oedipus Complex: Have you ever eaten a dish so extraordinary, one that provided such an overwhelming sensation on your taste buds, that “ordinary” suddenly tastes like arse? Like go to , have an exquisite chicken capellini with the rarest spices, designed by a passionate singing chef with more than five syllables in his last name…then go home and eat a frozen dinner. That sums up my predicament at the moment. I’ve ...
Sept. 4, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Wii Sports Resort2 months ago
After the boys of summer have gone: “The MotionPlus is here! The MotionPlus is here! The Wii is saved! We now have full one-to-one controls! The MotionPlus is the future of gaming! All rejoice! Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Walmart and buy four MotionPluses with matching jackets and gather around the sensation of the summer, Wii Sports Resort, as the Wii once again revolutionizes gaming!” …is what I may have said if Wii Sports Resort ...
Aug. 31, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Fight Night Round 42 months, 1 week ago
Technical foul: The world has changed in the three years between Fight Nights Round 3 and 4. We have gained a black president and lost a white Michael Jackson. Mixed Martial Arts has risen to prosperity as the hippest trend amongst $50 skull-design-shirted males aged 15-young enough to be with it. On the other hand, boxing’s overall popularity has further waned, with few possible new stars capturing the public’s imagination, and ...
Aug. 29, 2009
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CanuckEh reviewed Batman: Arkham Asylum2 months, 1 week ago
The game Gotham needs, or the game Gotham deserves?: I always envisioned that the ideal Batman game would be encapsulated in a sandbox. Imagine it now; patrolling the streets of in the Batmobile, beating up thugs and keeping the citizens safe from crime and itself. Unfortunately, recent sandbox games, both with real superheroes (Spiderman: Web of Shadows, Superman Returns) and imitation heroes (Infamous, Prototype) have taught me better. All of those games featured redundant gameplay mechanics realized the ...
CanuckEh's Reviews
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Pretty fly for a white guy.
(PS3)
Oh Uncharted 2, how hard you try. Uncharted 2 feels like that one insecure kid at school that puts too much effort into fitting in. He buys the most expensive pre-torn jeans and matching Rocawear shirts, and totes the newest IPhone (he’s in Grade 5 by the way) so ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Nov. 5, 2009
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Nothing to get soiled over
(X360)
The female orgasm and gaming have by and large been kept two separate entities for decades. While its easy for male gamers whom have never known a kiss beyond their mother to seek arousal from a blocky Playstation-era Lara Croft and her triangular cleavage, women tend to need a ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 30, 2009
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Birthday bust (a not very professional review)
(N64)
Here’s where you cross your fingers and hope that your good friend doesn’t read your internet reviews. There is no greater way to devalue the birthday present that you’re fixing to give someone than for them to learn that you’ve slagged their present-to-be. And really, what kind of person ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 26, 2009
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Bowser deepthroats Mario
(DS)
Bowser is heartless indeed. Seriously, I’ve been exploring his insides and he doesn’t seem to have a heart. There are an assortment of nodes, cavities and assorted “regions” but during my entire time spelunking King Koopa, I’ve been unable to find a heart. Or much of a brain either, ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 23, 2009
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The gods of metal are confused
(PS3)
There is something powerfully ironic about Tim Shaffer’s Brutal Legend, a game designed to be a love letter to heavy metal…a letter which would likely include a parcel containing a still-beating human heart/ After all, it got published by the biggest third party developer and subsequently sued over by ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 20, 2009
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2 out of 3 found this review helpful. |
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The worst named game of 2009!
(DS)
Kingdom Hearts is a lot like that daughter of yours that started life so cute and innocent, but progressively grew more rebellious and spiteful of you and authority. Her pink dresses turned to black leather, her pink hairbands turned to spiked collars with matching wrist scars and your conversations ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 13, 2009
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1 out of 2 found this review helpful. |
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Shaft your opposition
(X360)
I halfway feel bad for underground illegal street racers, for their culture has stagnated in the eyes of the world. After a couple dozen Fast and Furious movies, a couple dozen more bad spinoffs (who remembers “Torque”?) and far too many wave-riding video games with matching trip-hop soundtracks and ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 12, 2009
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I've got a bone to pick
(PS3)
I’ve only sparingly heard of this before. But apparently, there are Singstar parties happening all around the nation. People from far and wide gather in groups to huddle around their Playstation to sing, dance, remember that they’re not scored on dancing and get back to singing. I’ve only known ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 3, 2009
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Anyway the cash flows, doesn't really matter to me
(PS3)
First and foremost, Singstar: Queen and all Singstar games must be imminently docked in points for breaking “the truce.” By “the truce”, I mean the unofficial agreement that Harmonix, Activision and whomever else that is making music games obey in making all of their games compatible with all major ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Oct. 1, 2009
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Absolute imagination corrupts absolutely
(DS)
Nauts-based video games have made something of an impact on our gaming culture. Tim Shafer’s Psychonauts is a universally praised platformer and work of genius the likes of which will always feel like a perennially-underrated underdog, regardless of how much adoration it may receive. Hideo Kojima released a game ...
Reviewed by CanuckEh on Sept. 28, 2009
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| Date Joined: | Sept. 16, 2008 |
| City: | Toronto |
| Gender: | Male |
| Alignment: | Neutral |
| Points: | 0 Points |
| Ranked: | Ranked #49105 of 59,223 |
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Symphony
3 hours, 40 minutes ago Symphony is still hooked on SFIV >.> *fingers crossed that Tekken's patch fixes the online* |
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