Everyones_A_Critic
Everyones_A_Critic's last update: Everyones_A_Critic in my 17 years on this earth, I never thought I'd say I look forward to a Monday. MW2 midnight launch will change that
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Nov. 7, 2009
  • It's funny, I've heard Show No Mercy, Reign in Blood, and then didn't listen to another one of their albums until Christ Illusion (which kicked ass). I'll check this one out but from the clips I've heard from iTunes Slayer seems to be succumbing to the biggest pitfall of thrash: once you've gone as fast as you can, where do you go? They haven't exactly evolved at all since the ...
    1 hour, 48 minutes ago
  • You know, it just dawned on me that those things are gunna use batteries, and now I don't know if I should pick them up separately or not. I'm so pumped to be getting this at midnight on Monday!!
    1 hour, 55 minutes ago
  • Everyones_A_Critic replied to the topic Bing or Google?
    Ask Jeeves.    But seriously, Google.
    1 hour, 1 minute ago
  • Everyones_A_Critic in my 17 years on this earth, I never thought I'd say I look forward to a Monday. MW2 midnight launch will change that
    12 hours, 54 minutes ago
  • Everyones_A_Critic replied to the topic How do you feel about the Wii? in the Wii board.
    @Meowayne said: "Yes, HandsomeDead, and I will continue to do so. I don't play PS3 and I cannot name 5 PS3 titles that interest me. I am a PSX and PS2 owner - do I troll around PS3 threads mourning how Sony treats me? No, because I am not completely retarded as I realize the single reason for this is that I am not up-to-date on the subject matter.   Geno: ...
    14 hours, 7 minutes ago
  • Plus one!
    13 hours, 35 minutes ago
  • You know, I am genuinely surprised at the positive responses This is It has garnered. I figured it'd be a complete cash-grab to capitalize on Jackson's death. I'm glad I was mistaken.
    17 hours, 26 minutes ago
  • Watch the director's cut, it's more fleshed out and since it'll be your second viewing you'll probably understand it a lot more. That's what happened to me, at least.
    16 hours, 39 minutes ago
Nov. 6, 2009
  • Everyones_A_Critic replied to the topic Bad Movies?
    Recently, The Boondock Saints II. Unless you're 12, in which case you'll love it.
    1 day, 1 hour ago
Nov. 5, 2009
Nov. 4, 2009
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Nov. 2, 2009
Added by Everyones_A_Critic on Oct. 30, 2009

      Over the past ten years the Boondock Saints has garnered a huge cult following, especially around my home in the Boston area. For ten years, people have clamored for a sequel. In a way writing this review is useless, as those who have been waiting all this time for a sequel have already seen it, and those that hated the original will instantly pass on it. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on it with my fellow users.  
 
    So what has Troy Duffy done in these past ten years? The Hell if I know, but I'll tell you one thing he certainly hasn't done: grown up. Let's start with the dialogue. The movie's script is among one of the worst I've ever seen, and just the start of the long list of problems this film has going for it. For starters, the movie tries to go for humor, so much so that it tries much too hard in the process. The "humor" is usually built around swearing and gay bashing. This leads me to believe Troy Duffy is a closeted homosexual. Every single time something remotely related to male genitals is mentioned, we get a requisite explanation about how "I don't mean it in a gay way" or "I ain't gay, just saying". In fact, there's one scene where a character picks out a set of guns brandished by the Mexican flag. His first concern? "These don't make me look gay, do they?". The constant stream of gay "jokes" gets boring after the first time, but Duffy certainly can't take the hint.
 
    In addition to the gay hate, there's a good amount of racism thrown in the mix as well, and they can't even make that funny either. I find racist jokes to be pretty funny most of the time, which is why I was surprised that Duffy can't even manage to nail down this "artform". Almost all of his pathetic attempts at humor fall flat. As an Irish American, I found myself ashamed, because not only does this movie make Mexicans and Italians look bad, it makes Irish people look the worst. Apparently we're all drunken Bible thumpers who believe killing in the name of God is alright as long as you bash every group of people different from you along the way. It's not that I'm a snob, as racial humor can be funny when done right, but when it's done this lazily it makes you wonder if a twelve year old wrote it. 
 
    Even if the Saint's cause is hypocritical, that's not important in a film like this. It is an action movie after all, shoot first, analyze later. But when your action scenes look like something out of a straight to DVD knock off of the original, you tend to feel slightly overwhelmed by the final product. Of the three or four gun fights in the movie, none of them are particularly rousing or clever. They either recycle material from the first movie or just recycle material from older films to get by, and it shows. What's more, the music is rather unfitting in most of these sequences. It's your stereotypical action music, but feels very out of place even in its own genre. It's rather depressing, because instead of failing in just one genre, Duffy has failed in two: comedy and action.  
 
    Yet another problem with the film is the acting. Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery do generally good jobs as the Saints, but it's Julie Benz that drags the film down the most. Taking the place of Willam Dafoe from the original film, she shows up too old for this type of role (a seductive federal investigator) and with a southern accent that would make you cringe. One of the worst lines in the film is in its first scnes, when Benz's character Eunice Bloom says: "I'm so smart that I make smart people look retarded." Another noticably awful performance comes from stand up comic Bob Marley, who tries much too hard at that Boston accent. Note to Mr. Duffy: Shoe-horning the word "wicked" into every sentence does NOT equate to a convincing Boston accent. You'd think a local guy might know how the people around him speak. The other actors are generally bad, as Duffy simply takes a bunch of stereotype Itialians and puts them on screen for us to laugh at. Classy Troy, really classy. 
 
    I can't officially say I hated every single aspect of the film, as there were some scenes where I found myself entertained. While the majority of the script is utter garbage, there are a few little lines that I found clever and amusing such as "....and you must call out to your Lord! Annnd you get a busy signal." Initially, the film's premise had me interested, and I thought I'd be getting at least some good eye candy here, but alas, I was misguided. There's a cameo at the end that nearly infuriated me, and only further strengthened my feelings that this film had potential to be great.  
 
   There's very little to like about the Boondock Saints II. Most of its downfalls come from poor casting choices, a misused budget, and Troy Duffy's failure at nearly everything he tries to do. There were people in the cinema with me that laughed at every joke, prayed with the saints, and came out of the theater raving about it. Die hard fans of the original may like it, if they find weak humor and boring gun porn to be entertainment. When all of its flaws are totalled up, the Boondock Saints II feels like a fan made sequel penned and directed by a twelve year old. 
 
tl;dr: Only the hardest of the hardcore will find anything redeeming about this film.  
 
Score: 1.5/5


Added by Everyones_A_Critic on Oct. 28, 2009

Last night I saw what can only be described as the loudest show I've ever been to. The venue was superb, and I was right above the stage in a balcony with the perfect view. There were mosh pits, crowd surfers, and unfortunately juggaloes (I guess you can never escape them) and it was a hell of a night all around. Here's my review of the show band by band:  
 
-High on Fire: I had heard some of their songs through my friends, though the only one I really knew was "Fury Whip" which they opened with. They sounded fine, and the whole band just seems like a bunch of really cool guys. I found myself often fixated on the drummer, who was going absolutely apeshit.  
 
-Converge: I hadn't bothered to get into these guys before the show, mainly because I'm not a huge hardcore fan (or whatever genre you want to put them in, don't flame me). While musically they sounded really tight, the vocals were just noise to me. I will give them this, they had the greatest stage prescence out of any band that had played that night. Jacob Bannon, the singer, was whipping the mic around like a nunchuck (spelling fail) never stayed in the same place for more than a few seconds. At one point he called out to a guy in face paint (more than likely Juggalo paint) and asked what his favorite metal band was. He responded "Dinmu Boigeer". Bannon responded with "It's Dimmu Borgir, and you call yourself a fucking fan?!" and then continued to thrash about the stage. Even though I didn't know the music, the show they put on made up for it. 
 
-Mastodon: You can go ahead and say it: I'm a bandwagon Mastodon fan. I loved Crack the Skye when it came out earlier this year, and hearing the entire album live was absolutely phenomenal. I got goosebumps when the opening keyboard for "The Czar" came on. The trippy video that played in the background was immersive and proved to be a very effective addition to the performance. After Crack the Skye finished, they played a set of five or so songs from their previous albums, one from Blood Mountain, two from Leviathan, and two from Remission (MOTHER PUNCHER!!!). They closed on a Melvins cover (I think?).  
 
While Mastodon is a group of very talented musicians, I felt that they weren't very lively on stage. It was pretty awesome to see Brann Dailor going nuts on his drum kit, but the rest of the band just sort of stood there. Troy Sanders would occassionaly look out to the crowd to throw up the metal horns, but other than that they really didn't do much. Brann threw his drumsticks out to the crowd at the end, and they only said three words during their whole set: "See You Tommorow." It was great to see them live, but I kind of wish they had said.....something. 
 
-Dethklok: After an intermission/backstage view of the band, Brendon Small came out and opened with "Blood Ties". Their set was pretty well divided between old and new material. All of the best songs from The Dethalbum were played like Awaken, Birthday Dethday, Thunderhorse, Murmaider, Hatredcopter, and Fansong. Awaken and Murmaider were particularly fun live, as they got the crowd involved. Awakening ancient trolls and listing off weapons to kill mermaids with is pretty fun when you're screaming it in a packed venue. The Gears, Burn the Earth, and Dethsupport were also played from the Dethalbum II. They were fun to see, but I think Mastodon had the best set over all.  
 
So it was a phenomenal show all things considered. 
 
Have you seen any of these bands live? Do you have any stories from the shows?



Added by Everyones_A_Critic on Oct. 26, 2009

After the amount of both positive and negative feedback from my Paranormal Activity review, I figured I'd evaluate the other film I saw this weekend: Saw 6. I don't expect this one to generate any attention outside of the "So it's bad, I could've told you that!" comments, but I figured what the hell, I'll put it up here. 
 

There are those that love the Saw franchise, and those that loath it. Some will be in line for the midnight showing of the latest film, while others blame it for singlehandedly starting off the “gorno” sub-genre and defacing the horror genre. Still there are others like myself that watch each film each year simply out of curiosity. What character have they resurrected this time? What crazy traps do they have this year? How do they plan on confusing us even more? After the third installment I’ve been largely indifferent on the franchise. I don’t explicitly hate it, but the bloated plot lines and increasingly dull traps have shortened my level of patience for this once proud series (by which I mean the first two films).

Still, Lionsgate pumps a new film out each year the weekend before Halloween like clockwork, and people still flock to the cinema opening weekend to check them out. After the abysmal 5 installment you’d think you’d be hard pressed to find anything likeable about another sequel, and you’d be right. The problem with this is that I didn’t really find much to hate either. The film certainly won’t earn any new converts, but the fans of previous films will undoubtedly like it more than the last film, and will probably find something to like about it.

Don’t get me wrong here, Saw VI has a lot of flaws, most of which stem from its convoluted and now absurd plot line. Now that Agent Strahm is dead Agent Hoffman is now Jigsaw’s last living apprentice. The film revolves around Hoffman covering his tracks, blaming his crimes on the dead Strahm and making sure the “last” pieces of Jigsaw’s game fall into place. All the while the insurance mogul who denied Jigsaw coverage is put through a series of grueling tests for his “crimes” against the sick people he has denied coverage to. Poor use of political commentary aside, series veterans will know exactly what to expect here. William the insurance agent is faced with decisions that will leave one or more people dead but will save the life(s) of others in the process.

The strangest part of the film is that despite the constant jump between storylines, nothing really ever gets answered. Yes, the contents of the box revealed in Saw V are revealed, but we’re never told why they’re there and why they’re used on whom they’re used on. It’s a shame, because there’s little pay off. I expected something to be in the box worthy of a year’s wait, but ended up feeling ripped-off and confused.

Even if you go with the loony story line to see the traps, there’s a noticeable decrease in quality with each test. One of these is a maze where the subject must walk through white hot jets of steam to reach the end. The trap feels like it was ripped straight from a video game, and demonstrates that the filmmakers have been running out of ideas since Saw IV. Another trap has two subjects having to place a pound of flesh onto a scale to grant their freedom. This reminded me of a very similar scene in a far superior movie: 1995’s Seven. In that film, a lawyer is forced to give a pound of flesh as an act of contrition for their ‘crimes” against society. The only difference between the two is the subject’s job description. Even the carousel trap from the posters is disappointing, and being one of the last traps of the film makes it even worse.

Even with all the negative aspects of the film, and the sheer lack of positive ones, I still felt my eyes glued to the screen. I didn’t check my phone to see what time it was, and I never really found myself bored. At the very least, it didn’t overstay its welcome. Fans of the previous entries will probably like this, but newcomers will hate it and ultimately just become more confused as to why we watch these every year.    

Score: 3/5 
 
TL;DR: If you liked previous entries you'll find something to like here, newcomers are better off seeing the original.


Added by Everyones_A_Critic on Oct. 25, 2009

    Hype is a weapon. If used sparingly and moderately, it can get an upcoming film attention and acclaim, and thus box office receipts. It can also create unrealistic expectations, and ultimately, disappointment. Thankfully, Paranormal Activity doesn't disappoint. In spite of all the hype, the midnight screenings, and the critical acclaim, Paranormal Activity lives up to the hype and more. The film takes the modern horror genre and turns it on its ear, stripping away CGI and jump scares and leaving us with only the bare minimum, reminding us why we love being scared in the first place. Truly terrifying and ingenious in execution, Paranormal Activity delivers what few horror films can deliver these days: powerful, resonant scares. 

    The film's premise, much like every other aspect of the film, is simple: a young couple, Micah and Katie, are suspicious of freaky little incidents going on in their house at night. Why are Katie's keys on the floor, after she vivdly remembers leaving them on the counter? Why are the faucets turning on and off? What are those peculiar banging noises on the walls at night? Fed up with a lack of answers, Micah purchases a high-end video camera to leave on at night while the couple sleep in their bedroom. Needless to say, Micah gets his questions answered, and a lot more when he views the tapes each morning.

     The film goes back and forth between day and night. The day sections provide adequate comic relief after the night sequences but never cross the fine line between horror and comedy (a line blurred far too much with modern films). Micah delivers some lines that you could picture yourself saying in a situation like that, as crazy as it may be. He cracks jokes, many of which had the whole theater laughing, and is the kind of guy you just want to have a beer with. Micah's girlfriend Katie does a fine job in her role, growing tired with her boyfriend's keen ability to make light of such a serious situation, which leads to bickering and arguments by the end of the film.

    Some might consider the day sequences to be mere filler to prepare the audience for the chilling night scenes of the film, but they’re so much more than that. Through these scenes we get to know these people and their struggles. There’s a rule of thumb I like to follow when I watch a horror movie: if you can remember the protagonists’ names, you’ve got a good film on your hands. Micah and Katie aren’t lambs being led to slaughter, they’re people like you and I. The candid dialogue and humor make them relatable; they’re the all-American couple with a demon walking their halls at night.

     The night sequences are obviously the most chilling points of the film. Director Oren Peli baits us giving us more and more "activity" each night. The first night with the camera is largely uneventful, the open bedroom door moves a little bit, and we're hooked. After four or five of these scenes I didn’t necessarily want more, because I knew they were just going to get scarier as we go in. So goes the addictive nature of horror films, you know you shouldn’t watch more, but you always do in the end.

    Peli knows how to use suspense to scare an audience. When the night sequences initiate, we’re greeted to a few seconds of the couple just sleeping in complete silence. The wait is agonizing, I found myself looking around every corner of the room, waiting for something to pop out, and it was never quite what I expected it to be. In fact, there are only about two actually “jump scares” in the entire film. The rest of the film’s scares conjure the viewer’s inner child to give you Goosebumps in the theater. A door slams shut in the dead of night. Thumping footsteps are heard coming up the stairs, and stop at the head. Whoever was walking up there has stopped at the top step, and they’re peering into your bedroom. You can’t see them, but you can feel them. You know they can see you. That is truly terrifying.

     Some of these scenes are bound to go down into horror history (particularly the one involving powder), and rightfully so. We never actually see whatever is haunting Micah and Katie, but as it becomes more and more violent, we imagine what it might look like ourselves, which is scarier than anything some cheap CGI could create. In the final acts of the film there are some touches Peli adds that help personify this unseen home wrecker and helps us realize that the furniture and walls aren’t the only things in danger as long as it’s in the house. There’s one scene taking place during the day where Katie exclaims “I can feel it breathing on me!” and her hair moves slightly. It’s a movement just slight enough to make us realize it’s happened, and it’s scary.

     To tell any more about the film would give too much of the plot away. Unless you have a super-expensive surround sound set, the film won’t leave as much of an impact if you watch it on DVD or Blu-Ray. If you’re new to horror movies, this is a great entry point. If you’re a skeptic who thinks quality and horror film doesn’t belong in the same sentence together, see it. If you don’t, you’re missing out on a great time. This is a theater experience; you may as well ride the hype train right into Micah’s house. You won’t come out disappointed.


TL;DR: This is a must-see theater experience. Truly terrifying and ingenious in execution, Paranormal Activity delivers what few horror films can these days: powerful, resonant scares.

Score: 5/5    


Added by Everyones_A_Critic on Sept. 9, 2009

       Rhythm games have been a personal favorite of mine since the original Guitar Hero launched in 2005. Since then, we've had countless sequels and advancements in the music game formula, most notably, four player band play. What was once a gamer's pipe dream quickly became a beautiful reality in 2007 when former Guitar Hero developer Harmonix released the critically acclaimed Rock Band that allowed players to play the drums, bass, guitar, and even sing. The game was a key evolutionary step in the genre we all know and love, and spawned imitators like Guitar Hero World Tour and (yikes) Rock Revolution.  
 
     Achievements, like rhythm games, are one of my favorite things about gaming today. While they hold no real baring over anything besides in game unlockables and the much-debated "Gamerscore", I've always felt they added a nice, rewarding touch to the games I already loved so much. The replayability of a game is severely increased for me with achievements, and keep it in my console long after the main story is complete. I usually try to get the very most Gamerscore out of a game before I shelve it, taking a bit of pride in the amount of points I have from a game.  
 
    With these facts in mind, one can imagine the joy I felt when Guitar Hero II was released for the Xbox 360 back in 2007. Aside from being one of my favorite games on the PS2, achievements and leaderboards were added in for a replayability boost. While I didn't max the game out, I managed to get the majority of the achievements. With Guitar Hero III, I toiled away for months at the list, which proved to be some of the most difficult achievements I've ever earned (Beat TTFAF on expert, FC 20 expert songs, etc.). Despite their difficulty, the reward was that much greater for me.  
 
     Enter Rock Band and Rock Band 2. With these games, you weren't just depending on yourself and another guitarist for those achievements, you needed a four player band. With these games, Rock Band 2 especially, many of the achievements were only accomplishable with four players: A guitarist, a drummer, a bassist, and..... 
 
......A singer.  
 
     Finally we get to the heart of my problems. I barely got any substantial achievements from Rock Band 1 due to the fact that no one around me had the game and you needed a local partner to get most of them. Thankfully this was done away with in Rock Band 2 in favor of an online tour. Still, the four player achievements remained, and I felt more than capable of getting them. The only trouble was that the achievements mandated four players (or encouraged them anyway) and the most I could ever come up with was three, only once did I ever find a singer.  
 
Why doesn't anyone want to get on the mic? 
  
There seem to be a number of factors, but one accounts for the majority of the problem: The risk of embarrassment.  
 
    Many people, myself included, lack the courage to sing in their living space in front of family and friends, or maybe they just feel akward singing alone. Whatever the reason may be, the lack of singers online over Xbox Live has hurt my overall score in games like RB2, GH: World Tour, GH: Metallica, and GH5. Take for example, the newly released Guitar Hero 5. There's a 20 point achievement for simply playing an eight player band vs band match. That's two drummers, two bassists, two guitarists, and two vocalists. Without any difficulty requirements, one would think this achievement would be one of the easiest in the game, right? Wrong.  
 
     Just tonight I tried searching for a Band VS Band match, even going as far as to hooking up a second controller and mic in front of a fan while I played guitar. That would mean I'd only need to find one vocalist. I stared at a matchmaking screen for over an hour, getting up to seven players every so often, and then researching because no vocalists were playing. Bare in mind the fact that I tried searching every difficulty in the game, tried searching as just a singer, and even as just a guitarist, and still found the same results.   
 
    Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone have any solutions on how to get into games easier? Is anyone a singer that would like to help a poor guy get some achievements? I want to hear your voices, because you sure as hell aren't using them on Xbox Live! (Ok that was awful sorry...) 
 
And I'm sorry if this is tl;dr. Just look at the last two paragraphs if you want the main idea of what I'm trying to say here.    


Everyones_A_Critic's Reviews
Guitar Hero's Fourth Installment is Mediocre at Best (X360)
         When Guitar Hero World Tour was announced in early 2008, it quickly climbed its way into my "Most Anticipated Games" list for that year. The game promised many things, complete character and instrument customization, a mammoth track list, a studio mode for creating your own songs, and state of ...
Reviewed by Everyones_A_Critic on July 5, 2009
The Landscapes are Ugly, but they Blow Apart Beautifully (X360)
     The Red Faction series has had somewhat of a cult following over the years. While the series has garnered critical acclaim since the first installment, it has failed to reach true mainstream success. Now, almost seven years since Red Faction II hit consoles, developer Volition, Inc. brings us Red ...
Reviewed by Everyones_A_Critic on June 29, 2009

1 out of 1 found this review helpful.
Mercenaries 2 is Great Fun, but full of Game-killing bugs. (X360)
Most people who will buy and have bought Mercenaries 2: World in Flames either A.) Played the original or B.) Love to watch shit get blown up. If you fit neither of these demographics, I can almost assure you that you will hate this game, and you need not read ...
Reviewed by Everyones_A_Critic on Sept. 5, 2008
Aerosmith Fan or Not, This is a Solid Title (X360)
In the summer of 2007 Activision released the Harmonix-created Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80's. The game had a solid but extremely short tracklist and very little in the way of change to the Guitar Hero 2 formula. To top it all off, it was fifty bucks! The game was ...
Reviewed by Everyones_A_Critic on July 24, 2008

1 out of 1 found this review helpful.


Date Joined: July 21, 2008
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