That Odd Feeling

It's 2:34 p.m. on a Wednesday.

I'm idling in my car at a stoplight. I just picked up lunch and I start to get choked up. I can't shake the feeling that's been haunting me since Monday. I let the wave of emotion pass over me as the light turns green and I head home. I've been like this ever since Monday.

It's hard. I find that there's not a lot of people I can really talk to. My wife isn't that technical. She doesn't really understand what the hell a podcast is (even when I do try to explain it to her). So, I turn to the collective group of strangers that I welcome into my life every day through Twitter and Steam.

I found some solace in chatting with people in the Steam Giant Bomb group. Twitter has been great with just connecting with people remembering Ryan Davis. I always enjoyed reading tweets from him. I remember logging in last Wednesday and he was complaining about Once Upon the Time in the West for being slow.

Gave me a chuckle. I moved on with my weekend.

It's a strange thing I've found that someone who I didn't know to have this much affect on me. I mean, I never met the guy, yet I let him into my head every Tuesday night before I went to sleep. I'd pop my earbuds in and hear the famous "Hey Everybody, It's Tuuuuuesday....". I was going to send an email this year to him to let him know how much I appreciated and looked forward to the site's annual E3 streams at night. I LOVED THEM. It was like pulling back the curtain to the games industry and giving the every man a chance to hang out backstage with everyone. The conversations varied from insightful and thought provoking to goofy and profane. And I loved every minute of them. But, I never sent that email.

Here's a secret I've never told anyone. Whenever my Dad leaves me a voicemail, I never delete them. I archive them. I know there'll be a day when he won't call me. There'll be a day when I won't hear his voice. So, I save up these voicemails for the time I'll need them most. When he's not here.

That's what Giant Bomb has done. They've saved up tons of Ryan Davis memories for us. I've been on Ryan overload for the past 3 days. I'm going back to listen to all the old bombcasts I missed. I've even opened up a twitter account called @taswell365. I thought it would be cool to have a Ryan quote or old tweet each day of the year. But, now as I type that. It sounds kind of creepy. I think Ryan would think it a bit creepy as well. I'm doing my best over here. Dumb ideas and all.

It's getting better. That odd feeling. My heart aches still. It aches for that cherubic, boisterous Ryan Davis to fill my screen once again. It aches to hear "Hey Everybody, It's Tuesday....". It aches to read that someone's tweet to Ryan was SUMMERJAM APPROVED! It aches for another adventure to Faux-nee taking pictures in front of buildings used in "Parks and Rec". It aches for more Ryan. And it aches that I'll never get that.

Rest in Peace, Ryan.

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