Oh, Nintendo. We used to be so good together. Long winter evenings together, me humming along to the familiar tunes as I rode across Hyrule Field. All I needed was me, you, Samus and tank or two of phazon. And maybe some Pikmin to plant in the garden, and Mario popping round to see to the hot water. Where did it all go wrong?

I'll tell you when. It's the damned Wii that started it. Sure I have a Wii - I even rushed around the Internet on launch day to get one in time for the Christmas break  -but I just don't get it. Wii Sports entertained me for 10 minutes. I'd be stunned if I've actually played the thing for more than a couple of hours total. There's... nothing to it. No depth. Just a quick 'hey, this is kinda fun.... and I'm done with it'. Same for Wii Play. Now, it's not all been bad. Twilight Princess was great. Mario Galaxy was clever. But I'm getting the feeling we're drifitng apart now. We seem to have less and less in common these days.

Wii Fit. A set of scales with a cable on the back. Cute - heh, maybe. Clever - yeah, 'spose. Want one? No. Same thing - bunch of mini games that are going to last 5 minutes before I'm done.

And now we get Wii Music. At last, you've given up even pretending that this one is a game. "You can't go wrong!" "There's no penalty for making a mistake!". Now maybe I'm naive, but surely to be an actual game you have to be able to both win and lose... and which of the two you achieve is entirely to how you perform in the, you know, game-y bit.

It's all about the money in the end. So many great relationships end with arguments about money. The trouble is, the people that buy these toys - there are a lot more of them than there are of me. Bottom line, I'm not worth investing in any more. You've moved on. I haven't.

You've started seeing other people, and I'm left feeling just a little bit like you cheated on me.