I have gaping holes in my video-game-playing career and I'm gonna fill those in right now. I need suggestions because I don't know what's considered a "must-play" game anymore. I've been in a rut lately and I need to know what to play :(

One game that everyone and their grandma has played that I haven't is OoT. I recognize that this is a problem, so I "legally acquired" it and am playing it right now.
By the way, there will be SPOILERS so if you don't want this game's super-deep Pulitzer-level plot spoiled you should stop reading.

The opening sequence is pretty good, but it looks like the writers aren't big fans of "show, don't
tell." Why does Navi not know about this big evil if she's been living in this forest her entire life? Oh
well, the underwhelming exposition is like .5% of the entire game anyway.

A brief bit of exploring later, and I find rocks that can turn at will and my SWORD, MOTHERFUCKER!!! This
will make getting the 40 rupees for the shield a bit easier. Stupid Mido won't let me through without
them.

Okay. 46 rupees later, I finally buy the shield and talk to that blowhard Mido. He runs out of excuses for why I can't make it through and grudgingly allows me to visit the Great Deku Tree. The tree tells us that bad juju is going down and giving people nightmares and we need to break the curse, so we enter his mouth.

Oddly enough, the biting flower things inside seem to be stronger than the ones outside. They take two hits to kill.

You know, it's no wonder the Deku Tree is in failing health. Someone hollowed him out and planted a bunch of Satan flowers and spiders and ladders and stuff. That can't be good for any plant.

BORING, BLAND SECTION STARTS HERE, BUT FEEL FREE TO READ IT ANYWAY

I get the map, "fight" a plant (if you can call reflecting a Deku Nut with my shield fighting), and get the slingshot. It starts off fully loaded with 30 ammo, but I have to waste one to knock down the ladder to the exit. That's disappointing.With my slingshot I kill the spiders that are hanging onto the wall and then climb up it.

I come across a room that locks behind me. I'm so glad I've seen this game before, because the torch puzzle would've been hard to figure out otherwise. How was I supposed to know that I needed to light a Deku Stick on the left torch and bring it to the right one? I don't know. I get to kill a Gold Skulltulla and get the compass, though. That's exciting.

Upon exiting, I kill a spider, since there's nothing else to do on this floor. Apparently the game wants me to jump down, so I do and end up breaking that spider web. Hell yes!

Once again, I come across a torch. Once again, I am thankful for having seen this level before. I take out a Deku Stick and burn the web covering a door.I enter the door and find another one of those nut-spitting plants. It takes a while to kill, but then I realize I can use Z-targeting to reflect the nut right back at him. He tells me that I must kill his brothers in "2 3 1" order. The door to the next room doesn't open up until I shoot the eye above it with a slingshot.

In this room, there is a platform moving back and forth with a scary rotisserie-spikey rod rotating directly over the path of the platform. Navi tells me I can dive, so I scour the water for interesting things. I find a switch that lowers the water level enough for me to board the platform without getting skewered. Navi tells me how to push blocks, so I do that and then enter the next room.

The door locks behind me. I see yet another torch "puzzle" (at this point, it's no more a puzzle than "jump over the hole in the ground"), so I light the TWO TORCHES which is the big twist this time around and exit the room.

Another burning-the-web puzzle shows up in this room, but more alarming are the scary one-eyed plant things that rain from the ceiling. I burn the webs and kill the Satan flower and crawl through a little hole in the wall.

I end up back in the room with the first burning-the-web puzzle, except this time there is a web in a hole in the ground that I have to burn. I do that and then fall down into a pool of water.

I REMEMBERED HOW TO WRITE WELL HERE, SO PLEASE READ ON

The three brothers the little plant was talking about are chilling, minding their own business, when I decide to crash their party and go all TWO THREE ONE BITCHES on their sorry wooden asses. That's the only way I could make this sound interesting at all. They reveal the secret of Queen Gohma, which is to hit her while she's stunned. Fair enough. I refill my health and go through the door marked with a skull.

I look up and sure enough, there she is! I bust some Deku Nuts on her (in case you couldn't tell, I am making a pun based on a slang term for ejaculation) and then stabbed her with my sword until she died. It wasn't an exciting fight.

We leave after getting a heart piece and the Deku Tree informs us that the red, green, and blue Powerpuff Girls--er--Golden Goddesses created the world and turned into three triangles. That's as many as three ones. The evil man with black armor stole one of these triangles. And that's terrible. The tree dies, Mido accuses us of killing him, we leave the forest, and our friend with green hair gives us an Ocarina and instead of thanking her we run away.

That's it for this section, come back tomorrow for part 2 of ??? in the "You know, I should probably play more video games" series!