I'm an introverted man who works as a mental health therapist for an outpatient clinic. Which, I've now come to realize having worked in this field for a while, is not uncommon. But what is actually uncommon is a person in the field identifying as an introvert. For two hours each week I go to a meeting where I, and ten other therapist, meet to do consultation and for us to deal with general office logistics. The second hour is when we do our consultation meaning we spend time discussing clients seeking advice for solving problems we're having in therapy. A common feature in therapy, no matter the therapy, is the role relationships play on the lives of clients. But there is a prevailing view, at least in my small circle, of what is 'normal' and 'abnormal' regarding how we relate to each other and how we try to recharge and recuperate. I can't tell you how many times I've heard 'isolative' to explain a person who prefers to spend large aounts of time alone recovering after a lot of social activity. Or how many times I've heard video games, film and books demonized as too lonely an activity and that such clients who spend 'too much time' with these activities need to 'break out of their shell' and interact with others. In short, in these meetings seem to equate healthy mental health with being outgoing and disordered with time spent alone. Introversion thus is sickly and extroversion is healthy.

So, spurred on by a book I just read called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and by my own self-reflection having now performed therapy for many years, I finally said something to the group. But before that, I guess I should first describe what I mean by an introvert versus extrovert. First, introvert is not the same as 'anxious' and/or shy and 'extrovert' is not the same as 'sociable'. Shyness and social anxiety are significant problems based in fear and socialization is based on finding connections to others. Both of these traits can be just as present in an introverted person as in an extroverted person. The definitions for the two aren't totally well sorted, even to this day, but more or less an introverted person is one who is re-energized by alone time while an extroverted person is re-energized by activity and stimulation. An introverted person can do well at a party, for example, but may become overwhelmed if a) the party is too large, b) the party is too loud and intense, c) they are at the party too long, d) etc. etc. etc. Essentially an introverted may derive pleasure socialization but can become exhausted by it and repairs by spending time alone. The introverted person would need alone time to regroup and recenter themselves. It's there personal break so that they can once again become engaged with activity and socialization. Whereas an extroverted person will find the stimulation refreshing and the alone time dull and tedious. Both can be equally as social. Both can be equally as entertaining, exciting and fulfilled. It's just that both require different outlets to re-energize. It's believed that these two traits lie on a continuoum and that it is rare when a person is fully one or the other. I'm more introverted, for example, but I am just as re-energized when I go to concerts as I am when I relax at home alone with a video game or book.

The thing for me is that, as an introvert, I've cultivated a career, a personality, a sense of humor, friendships, leadership skills and so on and so forth. Through introversion I've become happy. It took a while for me to realize it, as the hardest person it seems for a therapist to figure out is the self, but once I came to terms with recognizing who I am, what I am and what my strengths and weaknesses are so much began to make sense. And with that knowledge came ownership, confidence and reconciliation. Through introversion I'm more aware of my emotions, I'm more attune to the emotions of those around me, I can better comment on absurd situations for a laugh, I can better manage people and find helpful solutions to big problems. I don't fret, I don't break under pressure and I always find a way around a problem. Not because I'm a great therapist or supervisor. I'm an introvert.

Which makes it so unfortunate that in American culture, in particular (as I can't truly speak to other cultures), extroversion has been deemed 'normal' and introverts are deemed 'outcasts'. There are exceptions, obviously, but they seem to prove the rule. How many times have you heard 'quiet' used with a negative connotation? 'Quiet' just seems like a politically correct way to say 'strange' and 'different'. Where as 'outgoing' is almost synonymous with 'fun' and 'interesting'. Which brings me back to my meeting. So I stood up for us introverts in my own very introverted sort of way. I quietly pointed out the flawed logic of assuming that one behavior, like spending time alone, automatically equates to a mental health diagnosis, like Major Depressive Disorder. I then used myself as an example explaining how I recharge a lot of activity by spending time alone re-centering myself before I re-engage with friends and family and do not meet criteria for any mental health diagnosis at this time.

You could have heard a pin drop. It was awesome.

Hopefully, what I had said opened up a new perspective to those therapists and reaffirmed the feelings of the therapists that chose to stay quiet and agree with me in their silence. I'm writing this wall of text not to brag (though that moment was pretty cool) but rather to offer solace to those that are quiet like me. Too often I see clients who feel that they are somehow broken because they were told they were 'odd', 'too quiet', 'too shy', 'boring' or any other derogatory term to describe a person who I would characterize as 'thoughtful', 'calm', 'controlled' and 'pensive'. There's nothing wrong with being quiet. Introspection is not a symptom. Introversion is not a disorder.

Now all my introverts slowly nod your heads in silent agreement.