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jeffrud

You should check out the Deep Listens Podcast.

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The Bottom

It's nice enough stuff to have a list of your top games. I like positives. I am a positive person. But Unlimited Saga broke something within me, and now I am compelled to write out an ongoing and evolving list of the bottom 10 games of my life. I don't hope to update this often.

(Note that this list is in reverse order, such that the top entry is in tenth place and vice versa)

***Update History***

20 April: Sneak King and Muscle March have ascended from the ditch to make room for Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and Surfing H3O.

List items

  • Some of this is a bit circumstantial as the Gamecube disk I had wouldn't let me play the Sonic campaign, so grain of salt. I'll just say the Chaotix story arc of this game alone cements this one on this list, and the three others aren't much better. Check out my review on this site if you'd like my full thoughts from after playing it for nearly 24 hours.

  • I'm actually not as down on the whole "walking simulator" thing as most, but this was unbearable dreck. You are a mopey fucking man who, as I recall, rambles about their partner dying or leaving them or some such shit, and then you jump off a cliff after walking there for two long, miserable hours.

  • The cool thing about Rally-X is that it introduced the concept of minimaps to arcade games, or was at least the first game by Namco to utilize one. The bad thing is the minimap is essential, because this game is an illegible nightmare of blind maze fumbling.

  • A game that just hollers "pre-COD first person shooter on a console" as well as "cheap licensed trash. You move and aim with all of the speed of present day Arnie, firing futuristic recoil-less pea shooters with century-long reload animations at one of three different enemy types, all while bathed in swaths of brown and grey. Ugly, repetitive, dull, and joyless to play.

  • They promoted this game as a launch title! There's maybe half a dozen polite chuckles elicited throughout, otherwise it's a soup of racist bullshit and awful budget tier Road Rash. Review is on the site.

  • There was a hot moment where I thought I'd try my hand at being a YouTube video games person and cover awful stuff. This game came on my radar at that time, and boy does it live up to its reputation. Ugly, joyless, janky PC game covering alternative history of a repugnant war. Add empty servers and this thing is basically a ghost town built out of and upon failure.

  • Honest to god, have you SEEN the Genesis port of Super Thunder Blade? It's a launch title, released alongside Space Harrier II which is also not great, but this is really something else. Choppy as hell, ugly as hell, unresponsive as hell, sounds wretched, and maybe 15 minutes long if you can stand to play it. Ranks among the worst 16-bit games ever made.

  • An awful, floaty, wretched looking 3D fighter/action thing about some sort of rabbit. Layers and layers of mid-aughts indie jank here, forming what was for many years solidly my least favorite game.

  • Perhaps the shortest game on this list. Surf through six waves/levels as surf man 1, surf lady 1, or weird man-dolphin. Enjoy simple controls like paddling with shoulder buttons, holding in L3 while moving the left stick up and down to steer left and right, and hitting shoulder buttons to do tricks...if you can! Honestly one of the most perplexing things I've ever played.

  • If I am fortunate, if I am a good man and lead a good life, I will never encounter a game as bad as this again. Read my review if you want. Just, please, do not seek this game out.
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