In December I was a Christmas Casual at a store called Tree of Life. If you’ve never heard of the store, it’s pretty much a place where hippie gypsies go to sell hippie gypsy stuff. It smells like incense, is covered in glitter and everybody who works there jingles when they move. It was also one of the only places in the world I have ever been where nobody knew anything about video games. This caused me to realise that there is a whole other species of human out there which I have never known about. I call them normies, and they are humans who have never had contact with video games, nor do they ever wish to. And since I fear what I do not understand, I have trekked far and wide across the interwebs to uncover what little information there is about these odd creatures.

In order to understand the average ‘normal’ person, first we must understand what they do in their natural habitat. Unlike ours, which consists of mainly online chatrooms, video game worlds or our couch, the normies' natural habitat is often a large area surrounded by vast amounts of alcohol or caffeine. Be it a sporting ground, a night club, a concert hall or a cafe, normies will more than often be seen outside. Though my exploits outside my gaming cocoon haven't yielded many opportunities to meet these normies of which I speak, I am aware that they do exist out there. So when we come across one… what the hell do we do?

Firstly we must remember that normal people have friends too, although their friends are mostly made through real life encounters than over the internet. And when normal people socialise they will always leave their house to do so, unlike us gamers who have perfected the social encounter without even having to leave our couches.

Key point: Though the normies may not own an xbox or a playstation, they more than likely own an electronic device of some sort. Music is universal, so perhaps they own an ipod. Or since they seem to be quite social creatures, there’s a good chance they’re on facebook. Both these things are a medium for playing casual games, which means there is hope that they may not be as different as we think. Maybe.

After extensive study trying to figure out how these creatures spend their time, I decided to grow some balls (an impressive feat since I’m a woman, and also a total coward) and talk to one of them. But that was a lot harder than I originally thought.

Back when I was working at the Tree, I decided to engage the girls in conversation. Which went well for the first few minutes. We bitched about customers, spoke about the weather outside, chatted about what we were doing on the weekend and five minutes later the conversation had dried up.

We never have this problem with our friends because we choose them due to our common interests, but when we interact with a new species it’s a whole other board game. Start dropping words like ‘playstation’ or ‘final fantasy’ and the normies will think you’re some kind of crazy sex addict and bail immediately.

Key point: Use your surroundings to think up a conversational point. For example, if you’re at a bus stop and there’s a man walking a ferret (not too uncommon in Sydney) perhaps remark to the person next to you ‘Now would you look at that. It’s a ferret!’. Or if you’re at work and somebody buys 17 X-Box 360’s (it’s happened before) strike up a conversation by asking the most obvious question “Why?”

Finally we come to the inevitable crossroads where we must decide whether we should adopt the normies as a pet and eventual friend, or if they’re just too exotic and different for any such partnership to exist.

As with any new species introduce to our life, it is important to understand them so we can figure out whether they will be an asset or a hindrance.  My experience with ‘normies’ is that they require a lot of upkeep. Each conversation, outing and general memory must be met and created with a whopping load of effort. Striking up new conversation ideas and finding places to socialise that don’t have video games behind the bar isn’t an easy feat. You will often find that as soon as your brain reaches its limit it sinks back into habit and various game titles, moves and storyline plots will fall out of your mouth without any warning. Such an outburst often scares normies off, so if you’re in doubt always have them micro chipped so you can track them down later.

The method above means adapting to the normie lifestyle, which entails inevitable change to our comfortable gaming habits. And if you’re any sort of real gamer, this will present a problem for you. Yet our love of things new and shiny is still ever present in the back of our minds.

If you wish to possess a normie in your life, and yet not change your lifestyle in the slightest, there is only one way to go about it. You must destroy the normie, and re-create them with the mind of a gamer. Some would argue that this is like destroying a dog and rebuilding it as a cat, but at least you will know the true history of your new friend/pet/slave boy.

Key point: Acquiring a normie in your life is a big responsibility. Remember that you are introducing them to a world they have never before been a part of. Therefore, bringing them into a sea of video game websites, podcasts, networks, tweets and blogs then getting sick of them and leaving them to drown is a definite no.

Normies are different, and depending on your social circle (or lack thereof) you may encounter them regularly or never at all. It is important to remember, that like a pet or small child, normies must be treated with the same love and respect we would give all members of our gaming community. Except the trolls. And the jerks. And the people that trawl the internet for porn.

Normies aren’t a species that can be loved fleetingly and then left on their own. They’re a commitment, they’re a change and they’re a lot of work. They’re not my pet of choice, as I’d rather own a cat or some seamonkeys, but should you choose to bring one into your life, just remember to always be wary of their progress. Playing Black Ops for 15hours straight does not a gamer make, no matter how much the normie claims otherwise.