I used to find the fear of dying alone ridiculous. I love people but I know I lack the basic traits and also flaws that make them click and mix with one another, and call each other friends and lovers. I'm 23, lived a life of lonesome, I'm thankful for all my blessings, I try to be humble and happy and I always knew that I was meant to live alone, and by proxy, die alone.

But this new roommate in my campus dorms is changing this for me. He is a 40 year old man from Chile who's come to my country for a month. No wife, no kids, lives alone back at home, goes to his job and gets drunk.

This guy comes back to the dorm drunk once a week, at night. Sometimes he brings a new girl that he tries to woo with wine, and he ends up falling asleep next to the empty bottle. Today, in the afternoon hours, the guards helped him up to our dorm, and he can't speak or find his keys, he's kicking a bag on the ground and has the most fucking heartbreaking look in his eyes.

I also have been growing a habit of getting drunk lately. It's the only way I deal with staring at the walls around me and fantasizing about having a girlfriend, nowadays. Is this me in 20 years?

He tried to hug me but he was a little aggressive and unpredictable, I tried to help him find his keys but he dropped to the floor and started crying. Then my other roommates came out and we put him outside on the sofa, with a cup of water.

I don't want to be this man one day and it, now, frightens me to know I've tried all the tricks I know and can muster up, yet still cannot seem to make any friends or lovers. The clock is ticking and all I have is hundreds of acquaintances yet not a single person I call dear.

It's terrifying.

High is the way but our eyes are upon the ground

Just a short after-midnight blog to share my fascination with Fallout: New Vegas.

TL;DR - If Bethesda games are a great girlfriend to travel with and have fun (and they sure are great), FNV is the girlfriend you've been waiting for who can actually talk to you, interest you, intrigue and satisfy you.

People were not joking when they said Obsidian wrote stories like Steve Vai played the guitar! I was late for the Planescape: Torment party, found Alpha Protocol's gameplay too cumbersome to endure for storytelling, and only played a handful of hours of Neverwinter Nights 2 because I was young back then and RPGs weren't my thing.

But this game, is blowing my mind. Makes me regret not investing more in those games, in a way.

There's just so much heart, thought and intelligence put delicately into every plot line and event. The dialogue can go on forever, it can spiral anywhere, and it's a treat to listen to and engage in, word after word. I still very much enjoy the richness of the worlds Bethesda creates which Fallout NV evidently lacks, but for someone who's invested hundreds of hours into a few Bethesda titles, this game totally hits a spot that was in dire need for hitting.

I actually feel like I'm talking to people in this game. They have personalities, interests, shame, pride, hostility and so forth. The occasional sense of humor is also very surprising and satisfying, I'm loving every word I'm hearing. The King's theory about his headquarter building formerly being a house of "worship" for one man (turns out to be Elvis Presley when you expect it to be Jesus, and then their style and look starts making sense :D) deserves some sort of award, it had me grinning and laughing, it was just so brilliant.

Just when I thought The Witcher series' storytelling couldn't be topped, Obsidian manages to create storytelling miracles in the last place I expected - a Bethesda brand. And they do it without any fancy technology or fantastical mumbo jumbo, just straight up premium Hollywood writing.

21 hours in and everything feels perfect. The story is elevating so naturally, everything is coming together beautifully, and I can't wait to own New Las Vegas.

The PC mods are making the experience surreal! Here is a list of the mods I'm using:

Hey guys, 'tis my first blog, this has been on my mind and I thought I'd write it down.

TL;DR - If Bethesda games are a great girlfriend to travel with and have fun (and they sure are great), FNV is the girlfriend you've been waiting for who can actually talk to you, interest you, intrigue and satisfy you.

I haven't sat down and properly played a game in two months. I have Fallout NV installed, as well as Hotline Miami, XCOM Enemy Unknown, The Walking Dead and Mirror's Edge (latter = 3rd playthrough). I've been climbing walls in ME and going with the story in TWD, but otherwise, I haven't been playing anything. (My only platform is PC).

I feel that games require a lot of aggression and survival efforts, and I just don't have that in me to offer anymore. Now that I go to school and have a job, I don't get the "meditation time" I need (staying indoors, eating chips, not talking to anyone) to be prepared to jump into a game and keep KILLING enemies and saving my ass every five minutes.

I have been craving some extended quality game time, been thinking of continuing my 30 minutes into NV, but I just know I'll have to fight off all kinds of creatures and motherfuckers far too often, and I just don't feel like spending time saving my own life.

Problem is that all the 'deep' and immersive games that scratch my itch such as RPGs are full of constant dangers and violence. Lighter games tend to be too simple to keep my interested.

Anyone else get tired of the constant aggression, all the medpack hunting, cover-taking, face blasting and checkpoint reloading?

Edit: And can you recommend some alternatives to these games that are equally polished, complex and engaging? Indie platformers and Telltale games don't cut it for me, sadly.