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Kevin

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Mamma Mia! Impressions

By Kevin 6 Comments

Random thoughts during this movie:

Meryl Streep's face after Pierce Brosnan sings the first verse of S.O.S. (not even joking)
Meryl Streep's face after Pierce Brosnan sings the first verse of S.O.S. (not even joking)
Annoying characters.
Why is James Bond singing S.O.S?
This movie's bad.

Thoughts after the movie:
As a closet listener of Abba (well, not anymore) and the only straight man who saw the play not against his will, this movie is still bad. Even for hardcore Abba fans, I would still pass on this movie. Just listen to your CD of Abba Gold again while singing along and that's pretty much this entire movie.



6 Comments

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder Impressions

By Kevin 10 Comments

This movie sucks.
This movie sucks.

Okay, I just saw this movie through shady means. Just wasted 2 hours of my bandwidth for no fucking reason. This movie is terrible. The acting terrible. The action terrible. Just everything about it is terrible. It tries so hard to give some kind of message, but just ends up failing miserably.

First of all, I would like to say that the original Starship Troopers is somewhat of a guilty pleasure of mine. It has some mistakes, hell A LOT of mistakes, but the over-the-top action and good special effects made up for it. You actually felt that the bugs were there, that there was a threat, and when dudes got stabbed, they got stabbed. In Marauder, gone is everything that made the original awesome. Instead, we get Playstation esque graphics of the bugs, and I think I can count how many bugs on screen there were with just my two hands. I mean, it's just so terrible. Thank God I didn't buy this, or even take up one of my Netflix queue.

Speaking of God, this movie has some terrible message about God and religion I still don't understand. It made me pissed as an atheist as a couple of people rant on about God, and it's going to make Christians pissed because in the end it amounts to pointless propaganda. There's also some other message about fascism and free speech, but apparently the movie wants you to think that fascism is awesome and security in favor of freedom is cool. The movie just fails on every level to deliver some kind of theme or moral.

But that's not why you came to watch Starship Troopers. Who gives a fuck about the theme when there's shooting and war! Wrong, I think they spend about a total of ten minutes at "war" in a really well done paintball facility. The guns just look bad in my opinion and the bugs, like I said before, look like Playstation graphics. Just by their animation you can tell why this movie is a dvd only release. They also finally bring powered armor suits into the series, but thanks to the excellent choice of making them CGI, it just looks like a really bad video game. You know, now that I think of it, textures on the CGI stuff don't even compare to any current gen games. The rest of the time was just bullshit dialogue that will make you think Sesame Street is Shakespeare.

Every character in this movie will make you pissed. There's no one that you can say, "dude, that guy's a badass!" Even Johnny Rico, played by Casper Van Dien reprising his role, just is not good in this "film." Calling this a film is a pretty far stretch, and it's no wonder the humans continuously get pummeled by the bugs when their strategy in fighting them is "look in awe, then get stabbed." The simple logic errors found in the original are found here but 100 times worse. Why don't they just stay in the goddamn bunker when they're being attacked? Why don't they have a backup generator for their only line of defense? The "marines" in this movie must have gone to school with the same people who became stormtroopers and the Nazis assigned to shoot Indiana Jones. This movie has a serious problem of determining how many bullets can kill one bug. Early in the movie, a whole line of soldiers unload everything they have, and they barely kill one. A couple of scenes later, someone kills a bug with 3 shots. I mean, goddamn, they do not train these soldiers right.

But hey, I'm a nitpicky S.O.B. I'm the guy who hated Indy 4 because of the fridge nuke. But even the most lenient of movie-goers will absolutely hate this movie. Don't watch this movie. Tell your friends, family, and random people in the video store. This movie is horrendous. It's amazing it even got released on DVD. I think I died a little inside after finishing this movie.

Don't watch this movie.

P.S. The only positive thing I can say about it is that the end credits song is pretty sweet, but maybe that's because I gave a sigh of relief after knowing the movie was finally over.
10 Comments

The Dark Knight Impressions

By Kevin 3 Comments

I'm not going to bore you with a review of this movie; you've probably already seen it and if you haven't, go see it NOW. This movie worked on so many levels. When I walked in I thought it might have the case of Spider-Man 3 syndrome with too many villains. How were they going to handle both The Joker's and Harvey Two-Face's origin stories? Thankfully, they don't touch on The Joker's origins (a couple of sentences here and there) which really makes him more frightening. From the first scene in this movie, you can tell: This guy is BAD. I loved the way they introduced Harvey Dent and you really feel for the guy, and Gotham city, when he finally becomes Two-Face.

Performances by everyone were fantastic. Though I did feel some of that "Christian Bale really needs a cough drop" problem and the Rachel Dawes character just seems really flat. She didn't really provide anything to the story besides getting in everyone's way. Maggie Gyllenhaal does not have much to work with, and the rest of the performances puts a spotlight on hers as a weakpoint. There are talks about an Academy Award nomination for Heath Ledger and his MIND-BLOWING performance of The Joker. I truly don't want this to be a pity nomination; I hope that the Academy really believes that Heath Ledger did an amazing job and they're not just giving this to him because he died.

Speaking of Heath Ledger, I didn't really think about his death until after the movie is over. I was so mezmerized by how crazy and disturbing his character is (the Joker I imagined) that it didn't even cross my mind until I thought, "Oh man I'm so pumped about another sequel with Batman and Joker fighting it out again." To which my friend reminded me of the tragic loss. Before, I felt the whole Heath Ledger tributes and talks about him were just fake; I thought it was people getting on a celebrity death bandwagon. But I felt something here; loss. This could've been... scratch that, IS one of the most terrifying foes in any movie EVER. I couldn't wait to see what he'll do next, but before I knew it the movie was already over.

People thought it was too long? I was completely engrossed. I never once thought about going to the restroom, shuffling around my seat, or even saying witty remarks to my friend. In fact, I probably stayed the same position from when I sat down to when I stood up. If anything, I wanted MORE. I wanted more Joker, more Harvey Dent, more of Batman kicking ass, and more of this amazing movie.

I try not to buy into hype, treat movies all equal. But for this it was simply impossible. I went in expecting something great, and what I got was a masterpiece. A terrifying, brutal, masterpiece. If it hasn't been obvious yet, go see this movie. In fact, if you already saw it, go see it again. We have just witnessed something entirely different.

P.S. If you can see it in IMAX, go for it. I drove thirty minutes and waited an hour in line. By the end, I thought it was totally worth it. Except for the bastards in the row in front of me. Who brings their four year old twins into this movie anyway?

3 Comments