It started like any other day. My dad went off to work somewhere doing something, and I stayed at home and did nothing. Like any good recent college graduate, I was unemployed and still living with my dad. It was the day that Microsoft was going to announce their new console, and I was as excited as an alligator being released from a New York apartment into the sewers. What Microsoft showed was about as exciting as watching snails dry, but at least the Giant Bomb commentary was good. When it ended, the thought of a new game from Remedy reminded me that I had never played Alan Wake, and as luck would have it, the game, it's DLC, and Alan Wake's American Nightmare were on sale that week.

But without a computer that could play games, my options were limited to Xbox Live. Five dollars was a price I couldn't resist for the game itself, but I was leary about the DLC. Because of the brilliance of Microsoft Points, I would have to pay $15 for $11 of content (that of course would be way cheaper on the PC) and then be stuck with four dollars on my account for the rest of time. After putting in a lot of thought and decision making, I flipped a coin and decided to play the main game first, and then decide later.

I started playing and quickly found myself drawn into the game. Alan Wake was a writer. Not a lowly unsuccessful one like me, he was famous. He was the ideal that people like me aspire to be. Rich, famous, handsome, having a beautiful non-trophy wife, and able to wear a suit jacket over a sweatshirt without sweating, and making it look nice. And the entire game is framed with narration from Alan, almost like what he would write in one of his novels. Explicitly that way.

And so I played on, enthralled all the way. It was a story of mystery, intrigue, twists, deception, and Barry Wheeler. Yes, some of the twists were silly, and the combat, while initially fun, began to drag on near the end of the game, but I wanted more. The ending wasn't satisfying. There's a difference between leaving things open for interpretation and intentionally creating a bad ending to keep people wanting to come back, but I didn't care that this was firmly on the bad ending side. So, I paid Microsoft and I downloaded the DLC. And American Nightmare, and I started playing.

But like a pudding cup of sorrow, the DLC, while sweet, was over before I knew it, and I still felt like I needed more. But then someone gave me a copy of Dead Space 3, so I played that. But when that was over, I went back. Well, not back so much as to Alan Wake's American Nightmare.

And it was...interesting. It wasn't the same game as before. There was a higher emphasis on action. Revolvers and shotguns were replaced with uzis and assault rifles. Flashlights now HAD to be focused to force the darkness off enemies, but they recharged in less than a second. All the tension was gone, and in its place was a sad shell of an okay action game.

Not even the narration was the same. Alan would still read his manuscript pages, but now the fake Rod Serling from Night Springs narrated. And like Shemp from The Three Stooges, this guy was acceptable, but nowhere near as good as Curly, er, Alan narrating. The voice was evocative, but not enough. He lacked the certain charm that the real deal had, and I didn't like it. Alan, meanwhile, had one of the best voices in games. Not Nolan North or Troy Baker good, but close.

If it weren't for the glorious FMV, and something resembling closure, I would be tempted to call American Nightmare outright bad. But as it is, it's decent. But not the Alan Wake I wanted.

Okay, I'll admit that wasn't my best attempt at spinning a yarn, but the original idea was way sappier and didn't have things like "pudding cup of sorrow." I'll stop now. Alan Wake and I may share being writers (never mind that Alan isn't real), but I can't duplicate his style. Not without putting more thought into it, at least.

So, after playing through all that Alan Wake stuff, I finally got around to playing Metal Gear Rising: REVENGEANCE. The game's not perfect, but MAN DO I LOVE IT!

See, the way I see it, there are three different ways to enjoy most Metal Gear games. There's enjoying them for the game play, enjoying them for the story, and enjoying them for the ridiculousness. And in REVENGEANCE, Platinum Games replaced stealthing with hectic melee action, and they bumped the ridiculousness not up to eleven, or even twelve. They brought it up to thirteen or fourteen.

I mean, in how many games is cutting open enemies and crushing their electric spines to gather electrolytes and repair paste a CORE mechanic? NONE! And on top of that, it's true, one to one cutting. Not faked BS like in the Dead Space games where you can shoot an enemy in its hand and have the whole arm come off from the shoulder. Well, I do think that Dead Space 3 was a little better about that, but the point is the same. Most games fake dismemberment by having limbs and things disconnect at pre-determined point, but REVENGEANCE doesn't. Where Raiden's blade hits is where the cuts are. Sure, it looks a little goofy some of the time. Okay, it looks REALLY goofy some of the time, but when it's cool, it's radical.

And let me tell you what's radical: Sliding into an enemy which knocks him into the air, and then whilst sliding, going into Blade Mode (which slows time), cutting him in half, and then grabbing that energy spine out of air and CRUSHING IT!

If you know me, you know I like things that are ridiculous and crazy. And this game is both, TO THE MAX. If you haven't played this game, and you like melee action games, then go play it. I don't really want to say anything else, because it just needs to be played to be experienced. I can sit here telling you that the combat is really fun, but of course I'm going to say that. Play it! It's rad! And crazy! And it has tons of Codec conversations, which is cool! And some stealth, because it's Metal Gear! And some typos in the subtitles! I blame 8-4! But I can't stay mad at them! Exclamation points!

That's it! Nothing else to say! I think I'll start playing Super Mario RPG tomorrow.

Oh, and hey, if you want an ebook to read, mine is a dollar, and features ample amounts of adventuring, a religion based around Batman, and a life-sized solid gold statue of RoboCop. And dragons. I'll stop shilling for it when it sells and I don't have to. US Link. UK Link.Canada Link.

It's available in other regions as well, just search for "Allegiance of Justice," and it's the one with the cover that looks like it was drawn in Microsoft Paint. It wasn't, but that was just because I used layers. I used GIMP. I think that's what it's called.

You know what else I made in GIMP? This:

All I'm saying is, give Luigi a chance!