It's Saturday afternoon and me and the good lady wife are shuffling with a shopping trolley through aisles of overpriced British foodstuffs. I pick up a bunch of Braeburn apples and slide them into the poorly-designed polythene bag, tie them up and drop them with a little caution into the corner of the shopping trolley. This is what we do every weekend - we go shopping for essential foodstuffs. Food, as you know, keeps the human race living and breathing. Can the same be said for electronic consumer products? I suppose it depends on how committed you are to the cause of new console launches.
 
Out of the corner of my eye I see a large cardboard display. It appears to be doing a good job attracting my attention, but I knew that as soon as I stepped foot into the store, That mock iPhone sheen, that glistening promise of a future solved with a simple yet shiny hinge allowing that shiny lid open and allow my eyeballs to be caressed by a world of 3D... without glasses! Did I just read that right? Pesky 3D. I am myopic not by choice. When I went to see Tron Legacy in 3D, I saw it with not one pair of glasses but two. Saying that, technically I will still enjoy 3DS's third dimension with these very glasses which allow me to type onto this monitor screen. Pesky 3D. Pesky glasses. Pesky Nintendo 3DS.
 
The wife has seen Nintendogs + Cats. Nothing attracts the female demographic of videogames more than cuteness and the sight of a hyper-realistic dog chasing after virtual frisbees even gets me thinking that yes. Maybe we do need a 3DS after all. Surely it's the answer to all our problems. All that economic meltdown can be easily forgotten with a truly immersive experience of herding a bunch of cute cats around a paddock. In 3D. Why the fuck isn't this thing in my trolley? Let's put these apples back, dear. We don't need them for nourishment when our eyes can be nourished.
 
The fact I wasn't one of the determined gamers queued up at midnight and eager to get their hands on this technology was damning evidence. I didn't deserve the 3DS. I used to be dedicated to my humble yet pleasurable pasttime, devoted and thankful to the worlds I got lost in and the characters I grew to love. I'm also older and wiser. That economic meltdown? That's a factor. There's more though. Early adoption. The early adopters of the world think for not a second as they slip out their credit cards with such skill and finesse from countless, repeated motion. People love shiny things, what other explanation can there be for such a rabid and hungry appetite? I grab the Black 3DS display box and stare at it, looking deep into that enticing sheen. It's immaculate. I can almost see my face in it.
 
I used to be an early adopter. I still bare the scars of owning a first-generation DS when Nintendo revealed the DS Lite. That first-generation DS looked like it had been put together by a hobbyist in the back of his garage. It was clumsy, ugly, impractical in sunlight... yet I loved it. Nintendo took a page out of Apple's aspirational rulebook and played me for a fool. What was even more foolish? I ended up buying the DS Lite as well. No wonder Nintendo dine on gold plates and drive around in flying cars powered by caviar juice.
 
The internet ruins everything. I look at write-ups of the 3DS hardware and I want to pat myself on the back, I really do; the 3DS has a terrible battery life, does it? 3-5 hours, you say? That's not even an average plane journey, is it? The 3D effect can give you a blinding headache? Really? Hmm. The more I think of not owning a 3DS, the better it makes me feel. I kid myself, of course. I read through one average 3DS game review after another. Yep, I know launch games are renowned for not being that good. I read on. What's that? The DS store and a variety of other things aren't available to use yet? How did Nintendo manage to get away with that? Loading times, you say? Loading times? On a cartridge? How is that even possible?
 
Yet there's that twinge of doubt in the back of my head. I know what it is, of course. I'm a married man who doesn't game as much as he used to. I'm not as enthusiastic in videogaming as I used to be. I've become jaded to all of the enticement, the sheen, the promise. I thoughtfully place the Black 3DS display box back onto the shelf.
 
There's food to buy.